Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Step-parenting

Connect with other Mumsnetters here for step-parenting advice and support.

Very Sad Situation Ex critically ill ..

29 replies

Vivian88 · 08/10/2019 21:36

Just looking for a bit of support if anyone has been through a similar situation.

My partners ex wife is seriously ill in hospital she’s in a coma after an accident. I’m currently looking after his 2 children due to his work commitments as I’m fortunate my work allows me to do school runs so at the moment I’m there main support.

We are hoping & praying she pulls through & gets better so we can get the children back to her. It’s so sad & difficult knowing how to explain everything to my stepchildren.

Also if the situation worsens it will be a big change for everyone how do we explain this to the kids.

Has anyone gone through a similar situation & can offer advice how you explain these situations to young children they are both primary school age?

OP posts:
Vivian88 · 08/10/2019 23:16

Yeah they are very close to their mums Family.. Iv told them they can phone / message or come Round anytime they want to. We will all need each other’s help & support with this x

OP posts:
IncrediblySadToo · 08/10/2019 23:17

Poor wee mites

Definitely be honest with them, they need to know the Drs will do their best, but they might not be able to make their mummy better. They need to be able to start preparing themselves AND they need to be able to trust their Dad & you.

Absolutely keep DH’s leave for when he NEEDS to take it, right now the kids are fine, at school. The routine and seeing their friends is good for them.

I hope you get some good news soon

Apolloanddaphne · 08/10/2019 23:31

What a horrible situation to be in. I hope she pulls through. Just keep doing what you are doing for the children. It sounds exactly right.

DeRigueurMortis · 08/10/2019 23:40

What an awful situation for all involved.

It sounds like you're doing all the right things though.

Don't under estimate how important what you're doing for the children is. Providing love, care, honesty and stability as you are doing is vital.

It must be such a difficult time as the prognosis is unknown - it's impossible currently to make any firm plans or reassure the children as to a future that's unknown.

Realistically all you can do it provide a loving home environment that gives them a sense of security regardless of the outcome.

I'd also agree that your DP taking time off work right now is fruitless. Aside from the fact you have no idea how long she will be in hospital, his ex has her family to support her, you are doing a great job with the children and being brutal he needs to ensure he can be available to his children in the event of the worst case.

Obviously everyone is wishing for the best possible outcome wrt a full recovery, but I think you need to be realistic about timelines.

Brain injury is so hard to predict wrt outcomes and length of rehabilitation, so even in the hopeful event of full (or nearly full) recovery it's unlikely their Mum is going to be in a position to physically parent them for a long time (and it's in both hers and the children's interests that she can focus on rehabilitation and recovery).

Personally at this point I'd be assuming the children will be with you full time for at least 6 months to a year and researching/adapting to the implications of that.

Keeping their mums family in the loop and open access (as you are doing) is absolutely the right thing to do.

Unfortunately, it's a situation where it's hard to be proactive. You simply have to react to whatever is thrown at you, but I'd echo PP's who suggested getting in touch with children's and brain injury charities who have the experience to help you, your DP and the children navigate what lies ahead and where needed explain and medical information.

New posts on this thread. Refresh page