Anger/frustration

[Giggles89]

How do all you mums who's step kids mums are intolerable,vindictive,narcissistic and just generally infuriating cope? Where do you vent your anger to? I'm on the edge right about now and really don't know how to channel all the anger that I have towards her.

[TwentyEight12]

@Willyoujustbequiet

Hahahahaha! Amazing!

Here is the Mumsnet list of acronyms accredited by Mumsnet:

www.mumsnet.com/info/acronyms

[Giggles89]

@Willyoujustbequiet I can't give her the title mum, mums don't do what she has done and continues to do and trust me it's one of the nicer things I could refer to her as.

[Willyoujustbequiet]

But the fact is that mum is sufficient. There is no need for the prefix. Its not just another acronym either its a put down in most cases. I see people hauled over the coals for using it on here all the time. It doesnt matter whether she is the devil incarnate she is the mum. It doesnt mean that step mum is lesser somehow it's just a fact. I dont see BF used for a biological dad anywhere near the same extent.

It just comes across as bitter

[WitchyMcpooface]

Willyoujustbequiet- Bitter? Is this about your own personal interpretation? And you’re forgetting about intention. It comes across as “sensitive”.

let it go, let it go!

[TwentyEight12]

I think there is some blatant detailing of the OP’s thread going on here.

We aren’t stupid, we can see what you’re doing.

[TwentyEight12]

*derailing NOT detailing

[Giggles89]

Ok I'm sorry @Willyoujustbequiet I shall now refer to her as the borderline lunatic who puts her own bitter and twisted feelings before her own daughters mental health and well-being, who my delightful husband unfortunately got trapped by in a ridiculous attempt to keep him. Now that's a put down. Referring to her as BM is a fact, she is my sd's birth mum as she gave birth to her, FACT. If I wanted to put her down there is plenty of other phrases I could use, but thanks for taking the time to comment on my thread it's much appreciated

[Giggles89]

Oh and FYI I'm not bitter, I'm annoyed and pushed to my limit by BM and her antics. Big difference between bitter and anger.

[TwentyEight12]

@Giggles89

Save your breath.

They aren’t worth it.

[Giggles89]

@TwentyEight12 thanks, some people just always feel the need to pick things apart and find fault no matter what is said or done.

[TwentyEight12]

@Giggles89

Ha! Yes.

It is a very sad site for watching women attacking other women and men (if any dare or are naive enough) to come here. I wonder what the suffragettes who gave up their freedom and some of them their lives, would say if they could see what has amounted to their ideal of women as a collective.

We aren’t all hostile, bitter, crazy nut jobs who think our uterus is golden.

[WitchyMcpooface]

I just found it hilarious really! PMSL alot

[TwentyEight12]

LMFAO

[BadgerBadgerMushroom]

It gets harder when the children start realising what's their parent is doing and you still have to bite your tongue

[Giggles89]

Yes some women definetly think they are superior to others for reasons unknown to me I spend 90% of my life biting my tongue and it's all just getting a bit much for me now.

[Techway]

What are you hoping to achieve through court? Just ensure it will have benefits or can make tangible changes such as contact hours rather than trying to police her behaviour (which is impossible).

If the question is how do you cope then you have to detach and ensure you do not feed the drama. How do you get on with your sd? If it a genuinely warm relationship then keep your contact time free from stress for her. If she mentions stuff about your partner then you can only reassure her that her dad loves her or answer her questions in an age appropriate way. If he left when she was a baby then she might feel abandoned so needs to hear that it wasn't anything to do with her. If you always put her first then you know you have done your best.

Btw, Some of what you will hear is the mum's interpretations on how her relationship went with your partner. She is entitled to her view. Should she be sharing it with SD is debatable but I suspect she wants you to hear it. Maybe her motives are destructive or she feels she is warning you. If you keep that in mind it might help you to not react.

Regarding his family discussing it, try to minimise any interaction as it just feeds the drama. If she is painting your partner in a bad light, he and you are now doing the same about her. Try to take the high moral ground and don't feed it. I know it's tough but well worth it.

I always think, pit those that are destructive is best. Happy people don't act like this so recognise she is not in a good place and make your time with SD safe and stress free.

How long have you been with partner?

[BadgerBadgerMushroom]

@techway "happy people don't act like this' I think this is going to be my new mantra. It's so true!

[ButterflyOne1]

I could have wrote EVERYTHING you wrote!! It's scary how similar our situation is. My DP also left his DC Mum and not them.

The Mum always manipulates the children to stay with her on DP weekends/visits. She is such a weak person and puts all her woos on the kids. She has recently broke up with her DP and now middle child sleeps with Mum as Mum doesn't want to sleep alone.

The damage that women is doing is far worse than their Dad leaving however as SM we can do NOTHING.

I honestly find it's best to breath and release that energy another way as we can not control how she acts, we can only control how react to the situation.

Vent to DP but if your DP is anything like mine, he often says he doesn't want to waste energy talking about her as he left her to get away from her. Come onto MN to have a rant (just expect some cr*p from of of these scorned mums though).

[hsegfiugseskufh]

happy people don't act like this

this is so true. I have spent years of my life hoping that dps ex would meet the one and be happy so she'd leave us alone. She is finally in a relationship and still a bitter nasty bitch so I guess he is not the one!! dammit!

Its so hard to bite your tongue, and I hate having to take the moral high ground every single time, but there is no other way I don't think!

and @ButterflyOne1 my dp is the same, he has got to the stage where he literally couldn't give a shit about her, he doesn't even hate her, he just doesn't care. She hates it. Hates that she doesn't get a reaction and unfortunately that means she tries to get one out of me.

[ButterflyOne1]

@Bonjourfreddie Bless our DPs. It's so good for them to have released the negative issues surrounding their ex's but it is hard for us SM.

I love being nice and happy towards her, it bothers her more. I always say genuine lovely things about the Mum to the kids. They would see through a lie but I'll say things like "Mummy is so good at doing your hair, it looks lovely". I want the kids to see I have no issue with their Mum and the kids if that makes sense).

[TwentyEight12]

This is exactly it.

It’s all attention seeking, it doesn’t even matter if the attention/reaction they receive is negative, in their mindset, any attention/reaction is good for them. It feeds the fragile ego.

That’s why it’s best to completely detach and disengage as if they don’t exist. The goal is to become indifferent regards them and their behaviour.

[hsegfiugseskufh]

yeah I never say a bad word about her, pay attention when dss talks about her etc. She is horrible about me, but then she doesn't know me so I don't take it personally.

Its hard to excuse her awful behaviour though saying "mummy is probably a bit upset and not thinking straight I am sure she didn't mean it" or whatever gets wearing when you actually know that mummy doesn't give a shit about anyone but herself and mummy is using you to get at daddy.

Thankfully dss can see that for himself now, but is still blindly loyal to her for whatever reason.

[TwentyEight12]

Ha! Yeah. When the child figures out what’s going on with the parent causing all the issues, it’s quite an eye opener. I’ve seen it too. My eyes bulged out of my sockets and my jaw hit the floor and I said nothing because I was gobsmacked. He worked it out for himself as we never ever said anything mean or unkind or disparaging about his mother to or in-front of him.

I don’t know what happens to some women after they’ve had children, it’s like they go primal. I’ve seen it in close friends... I’ve had to step away from some of them. I’ve also seen how all their self worth vanishes and gets projected onto the child instead. It’s a big ask and unfair to put so much pressure on to a child to make you happy and fulfilled.

I have actually witnessed a very poorly girl in a hospital bed about to undergo surgery and her mother telling her she must get better because she needed to return to her passion which was going to make her famous and rich and Mummy and Daddy needed her to look after them financially in their old age.

I kid you not. That was another time my eyes bulged and my jaw dropped.

[BadgerBadgerMushroom]

My DP is going to mediation with the kids mum today. The angry texts have already started and we've got ages to go yet. Not interested in the children apart from proving to DP that she won.

[ButterflyOne1]

At what age did your DSC realise the truth? Mine are DSS 12, DSD 9 and DSD 6 and just can't see the light at the end of the tunnel.