How long did it take a reluctant child to come around to a new partner?

[NewMe2019]

Not step-parenting but felt this topic was the best one.

Me and DCs dad are divorcing. I'm with someone else and DCs know and have met him. DD likes him and is happy to see him. DS says he doesn't like him. But he told me before he would never accept me being with anyone and it's like he's determined to stick to it.

When a DC was reluctant, how long did it take them come around or adjust to thw situation?

But they are pre teen. They don't know what they want, you need to be the grown up here.

@Soopermum1

I am sad to hear that your son has become emotionally abusive. When he turns 18 and legally becomes an adult and if he is still this abusive or worse, it’s no longer considered child’s play but becomes a criminal offence. I would suggest intervention therapy now in all seriousness.

Hope it works out for you.

Good luck

Your mistake was in introducing him. Since when do preteen children get to decide this?

@TwentyEight12 we've been in family therapy for 3 years, with CAMHS. There has been progress on some things but not on this issue. I'm off on holiday soon and DS is staying with his dad instead (which he hates) because my boyfriend is coming. Christmas will likely be the same. This is our first holiday with bf and will be first Xmas, I definitely didn't rush it, but nothing is budging so I need to live my life and let him make his choices.

@Soopermum1

Sensible lady! Enjoy your well earned holiday and have a wonderful time together : )

He is only hurting himself, I hope it doesn’t take him too much longer to figure that out.

If your husband only moved out a short while ago, that's when your kids experienced the break up of the family.

It is way too soon to be introducing anyone to your kids. Of course your ds is going to be threatened. Just date discreetly and give everyone time to heal as a family.

It irreparably damaged my relationship with my dad when he intoduced new woman into our lives just months after my mom moved out. Especially as I got older I realised how weird it was. They sold the family home and I had to camp on this random lady's sofa until I went to uni. So fucking selfish.

So I guess the answer to your question is "Never, if you manage it badly".

IME it took about six months. And that with a lot of "I hate that woman" from their DM. In our case, DSS was for the most part misunderstood and didn't know how to express his feelings. It helped that his DM got a new partner and they get along well, it showed that life goes on. Different children will react differently. My DSD on the other hand is closer to me than to her DMs DP.

It's all too soon. You need to scale this right back. Your actions were very misplaced in introducing them so soon after your split and so soon in the relationship. Keep them separate for at least a year, preferably two or more in my opinion.

How long is a piece of string! Sorry, there so many variables here. I’ve been a SM for nearly 16 years, sometimes it’s not the fact they are your stepchildren at all. Sometimes kids just don’t like you and you don’t like them for many reasons. Some people just don’t gel. However.... it doesn’t matter who you are in the family dynamic you always treat people with respect, manners, kindness.