Please help anger towards SD for nearly dropping baby-twice

[mummmmeee]

So my SD is 10, DD 11. I've also got an 8 month old DS. A while back my SD insisted on holding her baby brother when in kids swimming pool. I let her, she let go of him but as I was close I caught him and told her not to worry and it's ok. She laughed about it which at the time i brushed off as maybe she was worried so as a worried laugh. That was last time she stayed with us for a long period of time for hols-a couple of months ago.

This time my DH let her hold him when she was sat down as she really wanted to. He dribbled a bit on her as he's teething and she let go of him completely forcing him to go head forwards on the floor. Me and DH luckily caught him otherwise it would have probably been a trip to hospital for him! DH then told her not to worry about it and told me she's not used to babies. Well she is as her mums side of family have babies too. If it was my DD who did that I would have told her off to be honest as it was serious but my DH did nothing and I don't see it as my place to do as it's not.

Ok so my brother never woke up from coma from a head injury after a fall a few months ago. So I think I'm sensitive when it comes to falls because of that. But I feel such anger towards SD for being so careless. It wasn't accidental as she purposely let go not wanting to get dribble on her. Right so, I always enjoy having her with us and I need some wise words from MNs so that I can forget about this and snap back to enjoying having her with us and snap out of this protective mood. I don't want to be seen as evil SM! Just some words of advice would be much appreciated. I told DH she is not to hold our DS again and he agreed. Not for now anyway. I feel bad about that but I can't risk it. Never had this problem with DD and her friends as they all understand dropping a baby head first on the floor is not a good thing to do 

Tbh my dc never held my younger dc other than one photo with a cushion underneath on the sette for a photo. It was never something I encouraged as he was a baby not a doll. I would reinforce that only mam and dad and adults can hold the baby.

I wouldn’t be letting her hold the baby again. Shes old enough to understand why if you explain.

I had similar with sil when I had ds. She was 10 and we lived 3 streets away. She would always knock and ask to take ds out. I always refused. Ils always had a go via dh. Once let her watch him at crawling age just in the hallway while we were in the front room, she let him crawl up a few stairs dragging a skipping rope. Heard him cry out and he had slipped and was hanging down the stairs entangled. I shouted at sil and ils shouted at me! I left. And she never had him out my sight again. Your baby is your priority. And if dsd is his you have a problem...

Thing is babies are hard to hold, and the way you hold them changes quickly. she hasn't had the same level of time with her sibling as your daughter has. she might feel less confident, especially if she sees your dd being very confident
She probably feels a bit of an outsider already just by the dynamics of who lives where. If you don't let her hold your baby she will he less likely to bond causing all sorts of issues in the future.

She has no clue that she could really injure the baby. She's too immature. I think if you focus on that she's simply clueless you might feel less anger. If she asks again just say of course but only if I'm sitting right next to you. And then go over how you mustn't ever let go of a baby. He will be on his feet soon enough.

Oh and don't forget to take lots of snaps of her and the baby. It can be hard on a half sibling who isn't resident if there are loads of pics of your DD and DS but not many of her.

Just don't let her hold the baby again. There is no need to say anything or have a conversation. Get a sling and put him in to it or aay you are holding him. Don't allow her hold him.

I think what’s happened with your DBro is contributing to your anger, and whilst that’s understandable, she’s just a child.

I have 2 elder DDs (11 and 9) and and a 1YO. Who projectile vomited quite a lot the first few months. 9YO would sit and laugh if baby puked on her, 11YO would immediately let go of her, so 11YO was only allowed to hold baby whilst sat on the floor.

She has no clue that she could really injure the baby. She's too immature
She’s 10! 10 year olds aren’t that immature fgs! Of course she knows she could injure a baby by dropping it, what a ridiculous comment to make!
OP from now on she can only hold the baby if she’s sat on the floor, that’s what I did with my kids who weren’t capable or strong enough to hold a baby safely.
My kids love lying on the floor and playing with babies, so maybe encourage more of that sort of interaction

She obviously isn't mature enough, you have to protect your baby.
If she asks explain to her how she has dropped him twice and luckily you were there.
Why did you both tell her it was ok and not to worry? Why did you let her hold him the second time?
You and dh are the adults and parents.

I wouldn't be letting her hold him again without being in touching distance. I was 10 when my half brother was born. I remember holding him when he was a little younger (maybe 4-6 months) and I didn't support the back on his head and he threw himself back and hit his head on the door. I felt terrible and cried so much (more than him). I can still remember it very clearly and he's 17 now! I can't imagine how awful I would have felt if I'd full on dropped him. I'm surprised she wasn't more concerned to be honest.

Your anger is misplaced. You’re angry at her dad.

A bit of an update. I feel a lot less angry now. And yes part of the anger was towards my DH, definitely. Thank you for replies everyone, it's interesting to see different opinions regarding children's ages, expectations etc. There's been a couple of times since the last incident when my DS crawled up to SD and pulled up and I told her she can only hold him whilst sat on the floor. I also explained why. They've just been playing on the floor

None of my daughters or my son when they were 10 years would not have let go of a baby and let them fall.
My dds used to hold their brother when they were 6 and 7 years old. They never let him fall. They certainly wouldn't have let go of him.
At 10 children are definitely old enough to know.

I dont think she's too immature to understand. My DSD was 8 when DS was born and she knew a head injury would be an extremely bad thing. He did vomit on her and she screamed for one of us to take him, she never dropped him. She was instinctively careful and protective when holding him.

your DSD needs to be spoken to about the seriousness of dropping a small baby. It isn't funny, it could cause serious harm. If she wants to hold her brother from now on she will need to do so sitting on the floor until she has shown she is trustworthy.

Oh, and you very clearly don't hate her or you wouldn't be looking for help in managing your perfectly natural instinctive feelings about this. Some people are shit stirring idiots.

Your DH wasn't exactly backing you up. He should at least have explained to her what could have happened rather than saying not to worry. Or does he not realise it could have been serious?