How would you answer this question from SC?

[PIVOTT]

They asked me the other day why mummy isn't invited to mine and DPs wedding.

I'm just wondering what some of you would say in response to that?

They are 5&7.

We were in the middle of something at the time so they got distracted before I answered but I was thinking afterwards that I couldn't really think of a child appropriate answer if they were to ask again!

In my case, my dsd were around similar ages as OPs, it was their first time as flower girls and was as much their big day as mine and their dads. They probably would have understood if we didn’t, but for their sakes we invited their mum (and nan), so they could be a part of their excitement. My dcs dad was invited too for the same reasons, but declined to come.

But mine and dh relationship with his ex and her dh is very amicable, I’d even call us friends (now) so it all depends on circumstances. I doubt it would work for everyone.

So I don't think there's a hard and fast rule saying you can't possibly contemplate inviting exes

No I agree, there doesn't have to be but personally I don't think the kind of relationship we all have warrants one. I think everyone involved would find it a bit awkward. My ex was abusive and so no chance of an invite there! Although I wouldn't be surprised to receive a congratulations message as he likes to pretend he's a good guy, really I know it's just because he wants to remind me he's still there and put me on edge.

Re the kids being involved in the way of flower girls/page boys, they don't want to be although the offer was there. They are quite shy and didn't want to walk down the aisle in front of everyone so they are going to be at the top with their dad and then sitting with grandparent's for the ceremony. They are involved in lots of other little ways though that they were comfortable with.

I'd go with what @BlingLoving & @Firefliess suggest. Explain the reality of the situation in age appropriate language - children always respond best to the truth. Don't make something up like she's busy & don't feel any pressure to invite her.
Enjoy your day

Can't you just be age appropriate and honest?

Believe me, honesty is always going to be best in a case like this.

I'd go with what @Firefliess has said.

differentnameforthis yes definitely, I don't mind being honest at all but would welcome ideas what to say?

Blingloving and Firefliess, thank you. I will give it some thought on how to word it for when/if they ask again.

Go for, she’s busy. Then give her the heads up in case they ask her.

Anything else could end up making the kids feel sad.

If my mum had said my dad wasn’t part of her family with me it would have been upsetting.