Should I stay or should I go ?

[Curlyheadedcutie]

Hi there,
I've been with my partner for just over a year. It's been a tough relationship as he's recently divorced and his bitch ex is constantly getting involved.
Anyways, I'm 10 weeks pregnant and I'm not sure if it is the hormones or I've just had a realisation, but I don't think I can do this anymore.
He has two kids whom I've only just really started meeting.
Their mum doesn't like me I'm thinking cause I'm with my partner so now she's made the kids be weird around me, they won't sit in the same room as me or even talk to me. I do everything I can for them, I've decorated their rooms, by them sweets when they come round and even leave them for a few hours to spend time with their dad, but still no joy.
It's just really awkward as I live with my partner and I can't really avoid them, so I just end up sitting upstairs when they come round.
His ex is constantly getting involved,making comments about our relationship and recently getting people to message me asking me stupid questions, and he does nothing about it .I recently had a miscarriage which the doctor thought was a number of things but mainly stress.
I'm not even allowed to share the news that I'm pregnant in case she finds out and she gets the 'hump'.
I'm so close to walking but he's perfect when he's not got them.

So again there's no need for you to comment on the reasons that I lost my baby, when that was not the point I was making
No, probably not but your credibility is very much affected by your making up reasons to fit your narrative. Stress did not cause it and no doctor is going to tell you that 'mostly stress' is the reason. I have WAY too much knowledge and experience in this area unfortunately.
Oh, and if you are THAT stressed over this, to the point of not eating and drinking, you've got WAY bigger issues. How did you get the debilitating stress to disappear for this pregnancy OP?
As I've repeatedly said, it's only been recently that the children have been being funny with me.
Again, you started out saying you've only just started to meet them so which is true?
He is a good dad, his ex and anyone you ask agrees
No, he's actually not. A 'good dad' is putting them first and making sure they are ok with everything, not out knocking up a stranger (to them)

What a shitstorm.

I think many posters are being very harsh on the OP, when discussing a miscarriage the OP has said that is what a doctor told her and instead of being understanding about what must have been a very sad and awful ordeal for the OP, people are using that to point score and call the OP a liar. That’s down right mean! I honestly felt sad and disgusted reading those comments!

As for being judgemental about the amount of time the OP has been in a relationship with her OH before getting pregnant, that’s not really anyone’s place to make negative nasty comments, yes maybe point it out that’s why the children may be acting up, but instead of coming up with solutions and ways to deal with the situation in order to help the OP do what’s best for the kids and herself and unborn baby, all you can do is critise and make the OP (a pregnant women) feel like crap, honestly those people who have left nasty judgemental comments don’t ever get a job at the Samaritans!

OP, mumsnet is not a good place for advice on step parenting, especially if you’re wanting to vent, but I would suggest if you’re on facebook there are some fab step parent support groups on there, that are far less judgemental and that offer really good constructive support that allows you to do what’s best for your relationship with your DSC and OH.

Best wishes xx

The initial comment on “stress” causing a second trimester miscarriage actually sounded quite supportive to me - and I agree, that stress alone should not cause a miscarriage and certainly not a second trimester one, and that I would have felt extremely upset if a doctor had tried to palm me off with that as a reason after any of mine.

And given that you had a second-trimester miscarriage, and are now ten weeks pregnant (with a month or two in between to recover and start ovulating again), you must have started TTC when you had been seeing this guy for only a month or two. That’s bound to have caused upset with his children and his ex - it doesn’t matter how reasonable it is, it was 100% predictable. And here you all are.

he does nothing about it

This is your main problem, OP. Your partner is letting you put up with all this, and he is doing nothing. And I notice that before he moved into your place, he was living with his parents and before that he was living with a friend. He seems to be a pretty weak sort of character from what you've described. I'd move on. Nothing is going to get any better with him as your partner.

You come across as very defensive and aggressive OP. You are probably going to take this wrong to when it's not ment to be but you are young and seeming a bit emotionally immature if you can't see that you have rushed into the situation you are finding yourself in. You seem totally unaware or willing to consider how the whole situation would have impacted on these kids and why your OH would prioritise them.

If you come across angry here with strangers, it is highly possibly that you come across as angry too in real life hence why the kids are starting to act up with you.

You've decided to start a relationship with a man who had just separated from his wife who cheated, ie. he was most likely still in love with her and on the rebound at the time. You decided to have him move in with you when you had hardly met his kids. You then decided to get pregnant. All these were very risky decisions. You are now finding that things are indeed difficult, which is totally normal under the circumstances.

Saying all that, your OH took the same risks, rushed into a new relationship, moved with her before she'd really met his kids and chose not to protect himself against a pregnancy at this stage, so he is as guilty to have rushed things and considering he is the one with the experience, he's the one who really should have known better.

It's going to be tough but do try to make it work unless what you really cared about was to become a mum.

Fellow SM here! Big things are happening in your lives and you need to understand/accept that this will be difficult and change the dynamic. The thing is you've changed, how could you not having gone through a MC and now being filled with hormones. Your tolerance will be less and you'll want to feel safe and supported. Regardless of what you do the ex probably won't ever like you and do you know what, that's ok. You are absolutely right to ask your DP not to be at her beckon call. The communication between them probably echoed what happened in their relationship and of course she isn't going to like you putting a stop to it however reasonable it may be. You don't need to be tip toeing around his DCs in your own home. Of course you should be nice, welcoming, respectful but sitting upstairs doesn't set up a good dynamic and is making you resentful. It's also not workable when the baby comes as it's their home to. Stop accepting friend requests from people you don't know on social media and as pps have said, go to the police or use the report functions with a zero tolerance approach. Engaging (even by inaction) is only fuelling this and you need to be looking after you and baby.