Am I being unreasonable to put a lock on our bedroom door- things being stolen by other half's kids

[gemzitab]

So I have decided to put a lock on mine and my other half’s bedroom door today. My other half thinks I am being unreasonable and I disagree

Please share your thoughts after reading the following:

Myself my other half and my 5 year old daughter live in this house. I am 28 weeks pregnant.
My other half has 2 teenage sons who stay over every other weekend from a Friday to a Sunday lunchtime.

When my other half’s boys stay things go missing and get stolen. Money tobacco, cigarettes and more.
They also take it upon themselves to look through personal drawers in our bedroom, turning them upside down when they are here on their own and we are out, and again things have gone missing.
When they are here I now have to hide my daughters money box, valuables, savings jRs of cash I have for things in my room, but without a lock on the door these could still be found when they look through our stuff and they could still help themselves.
Kitchen drawers where we keep change and stuff are rifled through too when we are out.

So I’ve put a lock on the bedroom door so when we are out I can lock it and I know our valuables are safe and not have to be out worrying that my personal stuff is being rummaged through when I’m not there, or things tKen. My other half might not mind them rummaging, but I do.
My other half says just remove temptation and hide in our room, but if they are rummaging in there when we are out then these things are going to be found such as jars of cash for ‘baby fund’ ‘daughters birthday’ ‘xmas’ etc

My other half thinks a lock isn’t necessary but I really feel it is now. Am I being unreasonable?

Please let me know. I’m anxious about other half coming home and seeing I’ve put the little padlock on the bedroom door.

Opinions please...

Your partner needs to learn parenting and right from wrong. I would put the lock on, but I really would not want thieves in my home.

It would be pretty regular for teens to be in the house on their own so that part isn't an issue.
But they need training and its nearly too late. Your dhs job is to train his dc in all aspects of life. If they go out into the world stealing and rifling through other peoples property he could be in for a shock as to what kind of dc he has reared.
Does he give them money? I'm imagining they decide to go for chips and start searching around looking for loose change. Does he actually leave money for them so they can get stuff. Then he needs to lay down guidelines.
But you need to protect your own stuff so if they are told that going into your bedroom is not on and they ignore that then a lock is called for.
My dd was notorious for using my make up/ perfume etc but it was something we had to work through. First l had to make sure she had enough money to buy her own then lay down the law. No locks needed.

We have 4 children between us.
All grown up now.
The age gaps are almost identical.
And if you're baby's a boy - snap we are the same lol
BUT if my 2 SS had gone through our stuff DH would have come down very hard on them.
He was/is strict but fair/ loving.
We didn't really leave them in the house on their own though.
Maybe time to sit them down and find out what's happening and why.
Good luck x

@junebirthdaygirl I don’t think it’s necessary give a child money for everything they want before you can expect them to go through a parent or step parent’s things 🤔

It’s one thing if they haven’t been fed and there’s no food in the house, in which case you might imagine them (maybe) picking up a fiver to go and buy some food.

But otherwise I don’t think you have to give them money for chips and make up just in case they decide they have to have something.

Why has your OH not cracked down on the stealing?

You can buy small code lock locks. They're about £25 and a handy person can install daily quickly. It means you don't have to have a key and can also change the code should it ever be found out.
A tip is to put the lock quite low down on the door so that your body is standing in front of it when you put the code i. This prevents the person behind seeing it

Children need to learn that they cannot have everything they want. Here they are given an allowance and they have to either manage with that or work out how to earn extra cash. Not go rifling through other peoples stuff and stealing.

I really don't know how this could remain unspoken about, and I couldn't give a fuck if my partner didn't want to talk about it. I would not remain silent, I would ask what they were looking for when rifling through my stuff in my bedroom and that they need to put whatever they took back. Next time I get robbed from I will be contacting the police because it's theft.

Your partner is a fool who is raising criminals. He needs to get his head out of his ass and stop being a Disney dad and actually start parenting them. And this includes rules and consequences.

Obviously stealing is out of the question but teens do need a little money every now and then. Not for everything they want but if they are away from home it might be good if they got a little pocket money. Maybe they do. And a particular cupboard where some treats are kept and thats it. No touching other stuff.

@junebirthdaygirl I’m not saying kids / teens shouldn’t have pocket money or treats. I just think it’s completely separate from the issue of them taking things that don’t belong to them. I’m not meaning to pick fault with what you’re saying. I understand what you mean.

Are they lashing out do you think? Or maybe they have some sort of addiction to feed, cannabis or whatever the ‘cool’ thing is these days. Do they have pocket money? Is their mother feeding/clothing them properly? Do they get enough CMS from your DP? Easy to figure out more why to stop it happening again

Why are you with a man who won't tell his children not to steal your things??

Good grief. This is no way to live. Totally unacceptable. No way should you need to be putting locks on inner doors. Absolute dealbreaker for me.

I totally understand why you have put the lock on but I would have been out of this situation long before now.

Have these boys not been taught right from wrong and to respect others?

Is their father the father of your baby OP? I would have serious concerns about his parenting.