AIBU? Set bedtimes

[Struggling345]

Hi,

I previously posted on here before about my two SC (two girls) and my OH being idle when it comes to their care. Since then I have had a discussion with my OH about how I help as much as I can but ultimately they are his responsibility and I don't expect to be doing everything and it went well - he has made vast improvements since. The one thing he does seem to be unwilling to change that I don't quite understand though is bedtimes. 6&8 SC go to bed as late as 11 every night we have them irrelevant of what's happening the next day (school, me working early, a morning trip out) And by "bed", I mean they are sent to their room with access to a Nintendo switch, netflix and tablets for as long as they wish with the main light left on all night. My question - is this normal. I don't have children myself and to me I'd be reading them a story around 8-9pm (for those ages) removing screen access and turning off the light to enforce sleep. I work late shifts in a call centre as a manager most of the time and I'm out early in the morning most of the time too (days off we spend taking out SC) so night time is the only time I feel that I have child free to relax and watch something that's not for kids or have a glass of prosecco. Apart from when they are at their mums of course but as I work full time and they are there every weekend I feel it's fair I should get some time to myself/with OH between 9-11pm (all joking aside this seriously affects our sex life as I'm exhausted by 11-12 and they are generally still awake and I feel uncomfortable that they might hear us). Sometimes I hear the Nintendo on to 3-4am. It disrupts my sleep and makes me feel like I don't get any leisure time in my home that isn't kiddy focused. I love my SC and proposed to OH we take away screens after a certain point at night to which he said no he'll just ask them to be quieter (unsurprisingly this didn't work as they get excitable easy and share a room). They are up and down all night too. Is this a personal preference thing? As a non parent can I ask how other peoples bed time routines work? Tyi

Kids that age need circa 9 - 11 hours sleep (and I bet they aren’t waking up at 8 am - 10am)? So they are sleep deprived.

Why would you bet that?

There is no waŷ that these children are able to function properly with such late bedtimes and free access to electronics all night. They need at least 10 hours of quality sleep for their bodies to function well. All evidence points to use of electronics in bedrooms at night as being very detrimental to wellbeing. Their melatonin levels will be all over the place.
And yes, having time to yourselves is also very important. He needs to have a routine for them.

Shit lazy parenting. Bet their mum loves getting them back after a few days of having unrestricted Internet access til 3am!

Titty I am assuming if the children are playing computer games until
3am they would be a tad tired in the morning, especially on a school night!

Also I assume the PP who talked about DP shifting bedtimes by 3 hours, assumes that the children have an earlier bedtime when they are at their mum's.

OP can you dig out some research to show how necessary a good night's sleep is for young children, and how it is important they don't have access to screens at night?

If they are night owls then an early bedtime may not be possible, but at least get them into a routine of quiet time in their beds, maybe listening to an audio book if they can't get to sleep.

Titty I am assuming if the children are playing computer games until
3am they would be a tad tired in the morning, especially on a school night!

And that might be an accurate assumption.

For the record, I don’t think the screens are a great idea at all. I think I’ve already said that.

I’m an absolute stickler for bedtime routines and it’s probably the only thing that’s kept me sane at times. Mine are similar ages, screen time finishes an hour before bed and bed time is 6.45 and 7.30, it’s bathtime, story and then lights out.

It’s only special occasions that this routine changes. But my youngest, especially, is a nightmare if she doesn’t get about 12 hrs a night.

Stuff that impacts on you and stuff that seems quite detrimental to the kids wellbeing are okay to talk about OP.

Bedtimes do impact and this is crazy. They will be so tired for school. Ultimately, as SP you cannot have the final say. However your relationship will be strained if you cannot both compromise. Bedtimes should be earlier and final curfew on tech. None at all is better. So talk to him.

If he won’t budge, you are in for a rocky relationship.

As a teacher if a child told us they went to bed at 11 and played screens for a few hours it would be raising all sorts of flags around neglect. Maybe you could say that to dp.
Going back to school is a good time to change routine. So they could be told..holiday time is over so we will have our story and off to bed so we are not tired for school. Dc love a story and its a lovely cosy time for them before they off to bed.

Sorry to be blunt OP but that is horrendous parenting on your dp's part.
Some kids will be owls & some won't but irregardless of that a reasonable bed time & a story & then leave them reading by themselves is the way to go imo.
With that level of supervised screen time at that age they will end up addicted to phones/screens, incapable of amusing themselves or coping with any level of boredom & horribly sleep deprived.
Not to mention the fact that they could be watching, intentionally or otherwise, stuff on Netflix that's totally unsuitable (unless parental lock in place?).
I honestly don't know what he's thinking. Does their dm allow similar?