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Step-parenting

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Manipulation?

30 replies

Stepmumsy · 01/05/2018 08:22

Hi ladies, I'm not looking for advice on how to resolve the following situation as me and husband have already spoken about it but I'm just looking for others opinions. I created another post recently and got some feedback that I didn't like (from swingofthings) but I stopped and stepped back and spoke with the other half and do you know what he'd been feeling the way she suggested and it really helped our situation.
So the new situation. My husband often takes the eldest to the cinema on her own. Last week he invited me to join them as it was our kid free weekend. I wasn't interested in the movie but in the interest of looking willing I accepted the kind invitation. Fast forward a few hours and he was telling me he'd not realised how much of a daddy/ daughter thing it was and so he'd take her alone another time. Basically, she wasn't going with him if I was going to be there. I told him to just take her anyway - some things aren't worth getting your knickers in a knot about, so they went.
From her perspective I totally get the importance of this one on one time and questioned this with my husband when he invited me but he said all is fine and I want you to come. My only concern about this is what message this sends to her as she seemingly has the power to get her own way.
I guess I would have been happier if he told her that he understands how she feels and the next trip he would take just her but we would all be going on this one. If she chose not to go fair enough then she'd be missing out. Although she did say well ill just get mummy to take me.
Do you consider this to be manipulation or just normal behaviour in families?

OP posts:
swingofthings · 01/05/2018 16:57

It's not you though stepmumsy, it's your OH who shouldn't have thought that this 1-1 time with his daughter was precious to her. It sounds like he is still adjusting to it all himself. What he needs to do is move away from thinking that they are going to treat you like they would their mother, ie. be happy to go with both of you. He needs to respect that they need time to feel loving towards you as like he does.

I don't agree with you though Sassy that because Stepmum's partner is still trying to come to terms with the situation that SM should take over. This can only put the children on the defensive because they expect HIM to realise this, not OP.

Magda72 · 01/05/2018 16:57

@Stepmumsy for what it's worth I think you're being really thoughtful regarding everything & are obviously trying your best to do right by everyone 💐

Stepmumsy · 01/05/2018 17:04

Thanks @Magda72... don't have me blubbing again!

OP posts:
swingofthings · 01/05/2018 18:20

oops, read my post again, of course meant 'should have thought'. I agree with Magda, I think you're very thoughtful and it will undoubtedly pay off, hopefully soon enough.

mummmy2017 · 01/05/2018 18:53

Think about how you would feel if you took a 3rd person on a dinner date. It changes the dinamics.. .
Somethings just work better as a pair...
Instead ask DSD if she would like to cook some cakes fot her dad... or go get your nails done.... find a special thing she might be willing to do with you.... your nit her mum but you could be a friend.

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