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Step-parenting

Connect with other Mumsnetters here for step-parenting advice and support.

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Original poster

Do we buy a car for DSC?

29 replies

Fairystepsthought · 03/04/2018 18:45

DSD has just passed her test. She’s with us 50% of time. XW won’t pay towards car. Do all falls to us. We already pay school fees with v little contribution. Of course it would make our lives somewhat easier if DSD has a car but how do we do it?? Say she can only use it when she’s with us? How do we help her to recognise being an adult and having to contribute to it? Ideas please!!

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

MeridianB · 03/04/2018 18:54

Can you afford it?

Why is the ex saying no? Does she disagree or is she just broke?

You and DH could sit down with DSD and write down all costs from car itself to servicing, repairs, insurance, MOT, tax and petrol. Explain to DSD you both want to help but need some ideas from her on what she can contribute and how (maybe start with a minimum in mind!}

Do you live very rurally?

Original poster

Fairystepsthought · 03/04/2018 20:02

Yes we could afford it at a push. Ex doesn’t really see beds in her having a car at the moment but that’s partly due to her liking having her dd so ‘close’. She also says she’s can’t afford to pay half or any towards it. No we don’t live rurally at all so public transport is available for most journeys she makes.
Want to her help her understand it’s not always just given to you on a silver platter.

OP posts:

MeridianB · 03/04/2018 20:16

If she is 17/18 and transport isn’t an issue then I’d wait a while. Maybe help her save for her own car for Uni?

What is she like with money/savings/chores?

Original poster

Fairystepsthought · 03/04/2018 20:28

She’s terrible with money and saving - we’ll yo be fair she hasn’t really had to - having had the silver platter treatment so far in life! We are just a bit bombarded by teenage rants about why did she bother learning to drive etc if she’s not going to have a car to drive! Teenagers can exert a lot of pressure when thy want to!! 🙈

OP posts:

Lookatyourwatchnow · 03/04/2018 20:39

Why can't she get a part time job and save up for a car herself?

ourkidmolly · 03/04/2018 20:52

Absolutely not. She doesn't need it and I'd get her to save up half towards a car in a year or so. Who's going to pay for the insurance? Extortionate at 17.

MeridianB · 03/04/2018 20:56

You mention wanting to break the silver platter habit, so now is the time to help her learn about saving for things she wants.

Did she pay for or contribute to her own driving lessons?

To be honest, the rants you describe would be the kiss of death for me - sounds horribly spoilt and entitled. I’d tell her straight that a change of attitude was essential before I could even consider so much as a hub cap!

MeridianB · 03/04/2018 20:57

Ps not suggesting you say that to her but her father can.

Frazzled2207 · 03/04/2018 20:57

Tell her if she makes a proper go at saving over the next 12 months you'll match that to help her get one.
She needs to learn about money, not have things thrown at her. If you're living in an urban area with public transport I can't see why you would buy one for her if I'm honest

HerRoyalNotness · 03/04/2018 20:59

Nope absolutely not. There is the ongoing running and maintenance and no doubt you’ll be expected to pay for that. There is public transport that is easily accessible.

DHs Dd bought a car recently, but a) she has a part time job and paid for most of it b) we have a contribution toward it which she asked for as a loan, we gifted it c) she did not account for running costs properly and according to her DM ALL her wages goes on the car. Not ideal, especially as she could have been saving for uni instead

jaimelannistersgoldenhand · 03/04/2018 21:03

Does she have a job so that she can make at least some contribution to the car and the associated running costs?

Original poster

Fairystepsthought · 03/04/2018 21:15

Thanks all this is really helpful. Totally agree about saving and aiming for it in a while. She does have a part time job which is one night a weekend if that but it’s supplemented too with a bit of babysitting and plus she gets ‘pocket money’ from both DH and her mum. It’s a life lesson isn’t it - learning what you can and can’t have without waiting and earning or saving.

OP posts:

Handsfull13 · 03/04/2018 22:05

Maybe the pocket money from your partner should stop and it should be put away into a fund to go towards half of her car if she works for the other half.

thegreenhen · 05/04/2018 15:44

We had this dilemma too. We also had the added issue of ex wife giving up her car and demanding lifts from DSD for every outing despite never having taken DSD on a day out as a kid!

The only saving grace in our family is that DSD and DS are the same age, so although we bought and paid for the car, DSD does at least have to share it with DS, (but that has created a lot of resentment on my part towards her and her inability to share it very well) and they are both expected to provide their own petrol.

Honestly, I would have much preferred for them to have funded a car themselves.

HeddaGarbled · 05/04/2018 15:54

When mine passed their tests, I added them to my insurance so that they could borrow my car sometimes. We couldn't have afforded to buy them cars. One got their first car on a finance plan once they'd started work and the other has never bothered and relies on public transport.

MaderiaCycle · 05/04/2018 16:00

I agree with the save and wait. If you can afford it tell her you’ll match whatever she has saved by Christmas. This will give her some motivation.

GreenTulips · 05/04/2018 16:05

Can she go on your insurance so drives yours or her dads car when visiting?

irregularegular · 05/04/2018 16:09

Why would you buy her a car if she doesn't really need one?!? Wouldn't cross my mind tbh. I have no intention of buying cars for my children and we are well off. Hardly anyone had a car when I was a teen - if they did it was a banger they funded themselves. Will look into the cost of putting them on our insurance when the time comes.

backinthatdress · 05/04/2018 16:57

I personally wouldn’t buy her a car; she should have been saving to buy her own car when she was doing lessons. The fact she’s trying to put pressure on as well would well and truly annoy me. She doesn’t have a right to have a car especially as her mum doesn’t even want to go half’s. I think id offer her to pay a third of the cost of the car (depending on price as well). She pays the other third and her mum pays the other third, and if her mum doesn’t want to pay her third then you step daughter pays for 2/3. That way you have done your ‘bit’. It’s unfair that you should just buy it for her and then that will make things tight for you money wise.

Also how is she going to afford to pay for petrol and insurance working so little?

NeverTwerkNaked · 05/04/2018 17:01

I’d offer to match what she is able to save (up to a certain amount). And/ or offer to help with the insurance costs.
I wouldn’t worry about what the ex is doing. If she won’t fund but you felt it was right to help DSD then don’t get into that kind of pettiness. (We pay for a lot of extra curricular stuff for my DSC because their (wealthy) mum doesn’t believe in spending money on them)

SandyY2K · 05/04/2018 17:18

My dad bought me my first car and I made a £250 contribution towards it

I'd left home and was in my final year of study at this time.

It doesn't always have to be 50/50 with the other parent...but getting her to contribute around £500 would be good.

I will add that insurance at her age us around £2k ... so think about whether it's affordable.

SarBear34 · 05/04/2018 17:51

Even if you get the car how is she paying for the insurance.

It’s going to be at least £1000-£1500, so bare min of £100 a month and then petrol at £20 a week if she doesn’t drive that much ... does she even earn £200 a month to cover that plus normal life spends

NorthernSpirit · 05/04/2018 17:56

God, why are kids so entitled now adays?

How goes she think she’s going to pay for the upkeep on the car? Insurance, road tax, serving, new tyres, petrol etc etc..... or does she think you’ll pay for it?

She works less than PT (doesn’t sound like she has much of a work ethic) and doesn’t need a car. The mum won’t contribute and you can just about afford to. Don’t do it.

I certainly won’t be buying my DSC cars - they can stand on their own 2 feet like I had to. It’s called independence.

seabase · 05/04/2018 23:08

Match what she can save?!... no way for paying for the whole car.

Theshittyendofthestick · 05/04/2018 23:16

I definitely wouldn't even consider buying a car for anyone prone to teenage rants. Driving a car is a serious responsibility with potentially deadly consequences. Wait until she's grown up enough to keep her temper, even when stressed or annoyed, before you even entertain helping her with the costs of a vehicle.

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