Am I in the wrong?

[HG63]

I am 4 weeks post csection, with my 2nd baby. Since I had Ds2 we have ended up having DSD for the last 4 weekends in a row, when the usual arrangement is EOW. As I've had a csection I've been unable to drive and have been housebound alone Monday-Fridays with DS1 (2 years) and 4 week old DS2, DH had to go straight back to work due to being self employed. He works very early till late in the evening so spends about 2 hours with us a day before going to bed.

He decided last weekend that he was taking DSD out by herself for the whole of Sunday (when I had spent the whole Saturday in hospital due to postnatal complications) and left me at home with the boys. This has really upset me as I am stuck in all week, we aren't within walking distance to anything so I can't even go anywhere but for a walk round the estate and he decides that the only day where he could of taken me and the boys out as well to exclude us.

I may be being unfair, but I did have a huge tantrum about this (blaming hormones for that) and he basically said I was being ridiculous and to get over it. Now he has arranged for us to have DSD again this weekend, and I feel ready to explode.

What are people's opinions on this? I feel it's unfair on me but also on my 2 year old who has also been housebound the last 4 weeks, he would of enjoyed a day out at soft play or anywhere really.

Bloody hell OP...he sounds like a selfish prick..

He should have taken his DD and DS out really..I'm sorry you are in this situation, I really am..it's so hard with a new baby and a toddler even without recovering from a CS..

Can you take your DSs to your parents? Can they pick you up? Is there anybody you can ask for help?

I second the poster who thinks he just wanted an easier weekend..is using your SD as an excuse and being very not supportive

It appears DH is overcompensating with DSD because of new baby but neglecting you. I hope you find a way to deal with this it sounds very frustrating, you need calm to heal. I hope you’re back on your feet soon.

@swingofthings unfortunately there isn't, he took DSD mini golfing at the local place and then for lunch and soft play no special occasion. And again it was mum wanting nights out but DSD cries and doesn't like staying with nan so DH then feels guilty and says he will have her for the weekend. Doesn't help that she usually gets DSD to be the one to ask him so he then would have to say no to her on the phone rather than no to her mum

It's difficult because I don't have anyone who can take me out apart from him and I do have to wait until my 6 week check to get the ok to drive and even then may still have to wait longer. I may get him to drop me at my parents for this weekend as I could really do with a few hours sleep tbh and I won't get that here as he doesn't seem to want to do any of the nappy changes or anything considered being helpful

I feel like he's making excuses to just get out of the house with DSD one of them being that we can't all fit in his car and I'm the only one with a big enough car to fit the 5 of us with car seats etc but I'm really not happy about this especially as everyone on here is coming back with the same opinion that I am not being out of order

If it was a case of a night out, why would he need to have her for the whole week-end? Surely mini golf, soft play and lunch wouldn't account for the whole day. Could it be that he thought it would help to take her out so that it would be less stress on you?

Still doesn't explain why he would have her for the whole week-end if mum only wanted a night out.

Surely swing if he wanted OP to have less stress he would have taken the 2 year toddler out? In comparison the 6year old would be no trouble

@swingofthings that's exactly what I thought we could of just had her the Saturday night but the arrangements were made without consulting me first. I get he may of been trying to help but I did make my feelings clear before they left and was told I was being ridiculous x

I wouldn't argue about the 6 year old - she is his daughter so part of the family.

I would go ballistic, though, at him leaving me with the 2 children who need the most attention. Ballistic at him accusing me of being jealous. Ballistic at him abandoning me at home after a whole week being in.

He is absolutely making excuses to get out of the house with the easy 6 year old. Tell him his daughter is part of the family and can muck in with the rest of you not go out for a special treat with disney dad while you are left doing the hard work.

Honestly, OP, you need to get the upper hand on this one. When he is home at the weekend he should be changing nappies, minding all the children so you can get a rest, bringing you out so you don't go stir-crazy.

He is absolutely making excuses to get out of the house with the easy 6 year old
I think that's the most probable explanation.

I've tried to explain to him how hard it is being in 24/7 with two young demanding children, he says he goes to work all week and it's his time to relax at the weekends.

I’d love to see him try looking after 3 small children while you went on a week’s holiday or something, all while recovering from a c-section!

You are actually working just the same as him but at home. Whereas he can have a break in work relaxing on his dinner, you have to make sure that your children are comfortable/asleep before you can even contemplate doing the same. When does he think your getting your down time!

The issue isn’t your DSD its your partner who needs to do his part. If he helped it would be such a big issue.

It sounds like he is making excuses to take the child out which is going to give him an easier time. He doesn’t want to take the toddler as it will be like too much hard work for him.