Children / stepchildren buying cards, presents themselves for their parents?

[NorthernSpirit]

I have a question regarding children / stepchildren buying cards or giving presents to their parents.

I have 2 DSC aged 9 & 12 (I’m the SM).

The children tell me how they buy Christmas, birthday, Mother’s day cards, presents for their mum. Last Mother’s Day my OH (their dad) paid for a Mother’s Day gift for their mum that they wanted to buy.

They have never made or bought a card for their dad. I always have to prompt them, take them out and buy one. It’s the same with presents. I do feel for my OH as he does a lot for them (he’s the NRP).

At what age would you expect them to make or buy a card, or buy a small gift for their dad?

They don’t think to themselves - since I’ve known them I’ve taken them out and got them to choose a card / present for their dad for Father’s Day, Christmas, his birthday etc. The children wouldn’t otherwise (they do tell me that they buy something for their mum).

They received £150 each in cash for Christmas so they do have some spends.

At what age would you expect them to take some initiative (and pay for it) themselves?

It’s their dads birthday next week and they won’t have thought to make, or get a card.

Your thoughts?

I think the art of giving can come from the choosing rather than the spending. It’s more about seeing someone get something that makes them happy. You can set a budget still though.

I think they are at the perfect age to teach them it isn’t all about them and giving feels good. Talk to them about what their DF might like, set a budget and accompany them (or find it on Amazon).

XH takes the DCs shopping for me and I take them for him but the older ones did their own this year. The DCs also buy for each other. (There are four of them). It’s planting the idea and making it happen initially.

Thanks for the advice all - much appreciated.

Quick update.....

It’s dads birthday next week so I suggested we go out and buy a card and present together. Rather than the usual..... I want to buy him a bottle of aftershave (@ £60) to which i’ve said no. I went into town with them, gave them £10 between them and said they could use that to buy dad a card and present. There was only £10 so they would need to budget.

The DSS (9) was super excited. Asked to hold the money and was really engaged, looking at things and suggesting things to buy. The DSS (12) to be frank couldn’t be bothered and spent the time wondering round the shops looking for things for herself. When we got home the DSS couldn’t wait to wrap, DSD it seemed an inconvenience. I did my best. And will endeavour to teach them the art of giving.

my DH gets nothing from his DS and when I asked about fathers day they just shrugged. Didn't even call him, I feel for him and think his ex should encourage them to be thinking of fathers day and his birthday? even just a card? AIBU?

This year we got a gift from them for mum and then they asked to get one for me which is sweet, But by this point I hadn't had the chance to think about getting a present for him from them.
Its only our second christmas so i'm still learning.

I would be upset if my dc spend heir Christmas money buying me a birthday present( birthday after Christmas) unless they 1. Wanted to 2. Was something small like chocolates and even then I would expect dh to give them pocket money towards it.