Step daughters mother!

[hollyindie]

Hi everyone

So my partner has a 5 year old daughter who we have regular contact with. She is with us weekends and stops every other Friday night.
Since his ex found out I am expecting she has been awkward to hell and I don’t know how to go about sorting it?

So she has stopped SD from coming to ours because “we have pushed her aside falling pregnant”
My partner now has to travel to his parents every weekend to see his little girl.
I want more than anything for my baby and his girl to have a relationship but since finding out about the pregnancy she has cut it right off and not allowing their daughter to come to 4D scan or be included yet has the cheek to say we don’t include her?

How can I get her to allow her daughter to come? I don’t want to over step the mark but I know when her and my partner talk the argue rather than talk so that’s not a real option. I’ve also asked his parents to talk to her but they said they won’t get involved. I feel let down by them that they won’t see how unreasonable she is being?

Try and separate your emotions from this now.

Always be upfront and honest with ex. Don't get dragged in to mud slinging, never call names or beg. Try and keep ALL contact to email or text so it's starting to form a record.

If you have genuinely tried to keep things friendly you have to move quick on establishing a solid base.

No one on this earth would dictate to me where I could see my child. If some one tried this type of bull I'd be sat in the solicitors waiting room the next day. When you have your baby you will understand.

You could apply for 100% custody, she has no more rights than your DP. I think if you get a good solicitor they will go in hard at first so that the ex is a little more forth coming with real access.

You could apply for 100% custody, she has no more rights than your DP

Well, no, the OP couldn't and she doesn't have rights. Applying for residence of a child is deeply adversarial and if the child is currently mainly resident with one parent, the other will have to prove that a change of residence is in the child's best interests. Alcoholism/drug use/mental health issue aside, all a bid for residence is likely to achieve is a deeper hole for everyone to fall down.

ohreally Well, no, the OP couldn't and she doesn't have rights - I'm sure op knew that is what I meant. - as did you??

Maybe you should have read my whole post. I've seen this happen before, in my family. Residential parent stopped access and the solicitor for the non RP went in guns blazing for 100% custody and then all of a sudden the RP was very forth coming with access solutions.

Also - I'm following a case at the moment when children were taken from RP for way less than any of the things you said you need to prove.

Ok. You know best, obviously. No one else has ever been through this, have they?,

ohreally folk are allowed a different opinion and experience to you.

You should take a look at the women's coalition page and see how easy it is to actually lose your children to non RP when none of those things have been proven

You were me 10 years ago.

My DD is 10 and SD 15.

Be very careful what you wish for.
SD's mum has always been very bitter even though she ended the relationship. She's blocked everything we've tried to do in the best interests of SD.
SD piped up to DH at the age of 5 "You're not with mummy anymore cause you were nasty to mummy" Both DH's and my jaw dropped when we heard this. I was pregnant with DD at the time.
We have tried tried and tried again to do the best for SD but none of it has worked.SD is 15 depressed, self harming, sexually active since 13 and on SSRI's.
We've not seen her now 8 weeks and her sister our DD is missing her terribly.
If I knew then what I know now I would not have tried so hard. With hindsight I would have probably better to walk away.
If one parent with the power is hell bent on wrecking their kids life there is little you can do.

RockyBayEve

That's what we did in the end. I could just see how this was all going to pan out. Bloody sad.

Mmm contact was in place but now isn't. Happy for him to see his DD at grand parents though and grand parents agreeing. Sounds like there is more to the story. Is he involved in important part of her life going to school events, parents evenings etc...? Could it be that his ways changed recently?

Swing of things

He is involved as much as he has always been. She has never let him go to parents eve because “he lost that privilege when he left his daughter”
The only change is that she knows we having a baby and since then he and only he is allowed to see his daughter I’m not allowed to go to parents and see her with him.

My OH wasn’t ‘allowed’ according to the EW to attend parents evenings at school, attend school concerts, have access to medical records etc.....

This isn’t the case and is simply control on the mothers part. If your OH has PR then he has as much right as the mother.

My OH suggested to his EW they both attend parents evenings for the sake of the children. She wouldn’t allow it. So the school very kindly puts on a second session for him.

Don’t let her control the situation.

OP keep all thr texts and emails.
Follow everything she says up in text or email.
Then go to court. The woman sounds ridiculous and very much 'i don't want him but I don't want anyone else to have him'.

Bet that as soon as she gets a new man it'll be all 'my DP is so good with DC. It's like he is their real dad' and other such bollocks.

So why is it that if she feels the pregnancy is pushing her away she is ok with him still seeing his DD but not you? It doesn't make sense and even less that his parents are supporting it.

I do agree that he should go to court and let the judge decide what is best for the girl.

How am I supposed to know that swingofthings?

I don’t know what her game is and what she is wanting to gain from things. You’re asking questions I don’t know the answer to?

He is going to solicitor like I said in post earlier

Thank you for your message northernspirit it’s been a case of not wanting to cause a scene at school for his daughter. I agree that he definitely should get a second sitting with teacher so he can attend parents evening too

Maisypops you’re right, when she was in a relationship with someone she used to text partner saying that he is a better dad than him etc. We’ve kept every text she sent to us both and will be using it against her definitely.