Headlice help

[Hakunamutatanomore]

My SD always seems to have lice. Her BM who she lives with seems to never even attempt to treat it.

Since I hate the idea of using harsh chemicals on a child and the smell of treatments makes me gag (My own traumatic experiences with lice as a child) I use the more natural method of mayonnaise instead. Not only are there no harsh chemicals, but it leaves the hair soft and glossy when washed out. And last time she didn't have live for 6 weeks after! Let alone the big savings in cost!

However last time I did this, her BM and BGM (mothers side) kicked off because she "is not a sandwich". She's now covered again and it's got to the point where I'm getting them from sitting in the same chair she brushed her hair in. Her mother never seems to do it so it's left to me again.

I'm fed up of being lumbered with this job because we rarely get any quality time together and this small period of time I seem to be forever combing for lice which as you all know kids hate!

Now I'm at a stand still and stuck as to what to do:

• do you see a problem with using mayo?
• would you use mayo again despite their reactions and the possible arguments to follow
• should I just leave it in the hope the mother pulls her socks up... I can't exactly tell her how to be a mother when I'm not a real one myself!

Note: SD and her father have no problem with the use of mayo

Please help!

I don't understand why I should stop her from calling me mum, myself nor her father has had anything to do with it. She asked before we got married if she'd have to call me mum and I said no, call me what you want whether it's my actual name or wicked witch of the west, I didn't care. It just became automatic and slipped out of her mouth every now and again and it's stuck. What's the problem? Her mother actively gets her to call her step father dad so why should it be a problem if she decided on her own terms to call me mum. She just sees it as she has two sets of parents that love her and care for her.

I think it's going a bit far to suggest we (Her mum, dad and stepparents or whatever else you want to call us) are bringing her up in a slightly sexist way, she's experienced both her father and myself brushing and combing her hair and actively decided (like a real human making their decisions) that it hurts less if I do it.

If you have had sensitive skin and experiences other people with sensitive skin, you will know that different people react to different chemicals or natural substances in different ways. I have personally had hedrin irritate my scalp to the point it felt like burning.

Some of you are acting like I'm experimenting. I'm talking from experience, it works, I know it doesn't irritate her so why mess about and risk something that will?

I know she's fine with coconut oil... Do you think this would work the same as Olive oil... she's seen me and YouTubers use it as a hair mask to keep hair shiny and grow so would see it as more of a pamper session. Plus it smells great!

Think I'm over thinking this now.

Note: was just asking for opinions not to have my head ripped off in a witch hunt

The issue isn’t that you’re treating her for head lice.

Why the hell wouldn’t you? I think that’s really good of you to be honest.

I would sit her Mum down and ask her if there’s any reason she isn’t tackling the head lice and does she need help.

It’s not fair on your SD either.

It's the modern world. Lots of people have different family set ups and multiple sets of parents whether step, adoptive or gay couples. It's something you need to learn to live with. Fair enough stick your nose in if it's to do with your family or your kids but if her whole family as a collective including her MOTHER is fine with this then why turn this simply post asking for advice into an irrational way of venting your anger or stresses

Because lots of busybodies on here love to rip massive holes in innocuous posts to make themselves feel all fluffy inside

Not sure what your last post is about or who it is assessed to OP.

addressed

Nocrylilsoftsoft

Sorry didn't want to name names and start more witch hunts lol... and as you can probably tell from my comments on this post, I'm not up to date with the "appropriate" abbreviations. What does OP mean? Thanks

OP= Original Poster

It's her dad's job to do. If he doesn't do it properly then he needs to learn to do so. If you do it for him he won't learn.

Swingofthings Why????

Should stepmum not cook , clean , shop or care for Stepchildren in any way either???

Should I say dad you need to cook their meals?? I'll cook my child's? We share cooking our children's.

Don't be so ridiculous that Dad should do it. Yes he should tackle mum on why it is not being done but there is no reason why stepmum can't do the hair.

In an ideal world the dad should be doing it, not the op.
Cooking, cleaning, shopping etc.. are everyday things that the op would be doing anyway.
Treating headlice is one of the shitty parenting jobs that nobody likes doing it but has to be done. Those types of jobs should be done by dad. Cleaning up sick is another one! (not envy).

Don't see why you can't treat her. Should a stepmother not feed a child or change the nappy of a toddler?! If the child is happier for you to do it than dad I can't see an issue.
Mayo? Yuck!
I would try Hedrin overnight. FWIW I too have horrid memories of being treated for nits as a child. The stuff was grim. Hedrin is NOT the same as the treatments we had as a child. Those don't work anymore. Unless you have a specific allergy to an ingredient they won't affect your scalp.
Comb every 3 days with conditioner and nitty gritty.
The big issue here is the mother not treating. This child is either not getting clear of headlice or is being reinfected. Hair up for school and spray stragglers with hair gel spray. Nitty gritty defence spray is also awesome.

Your poor step-daughter. She is lucky to have a step-mother who cares. I don't know what you can do about getting her mum to treat the nits, but in the mean time, although it shouldn't be "your job" to de-louse your step daughter, if you want to and she's happy, that is fine! I couldn't just sit there and watch the child scratching either.

If her mum has asked you not to use mayo then you probably should find an alternative. I also prefer not to use insecticides such as Hedrin on my children. I use Nitty Gritty and conditioner (Alberto Balsam Tea Tree conditioner is good, but you could try Faith In Nature conditioner if you want to be as natural as possible).

Sorry you're getting such a hard time on here today.

Op - on here you will get few who give helpful advice and many who will pick at almost every little detail you have said and make it sound as thou you are a wicked witch!

I think you need to ask your husband to speak to the mother and tell her that whilst the daughter is in your care, you and Dad will do what you think is best to help his daughter.

He also needs to ask her what methods she is using at home, see if she does try anything.

You are in no way ‘over stepping’ that is ridiculous, you are clearly a big part of her life and family and clearly care enough to want to help.

I also disagree that it’s dad’s job... even thou the daughter prefers her step mother to do her hair?? What’s the problem!?

OP you're getting a hard time here you obviously care & that's nice. On this site you can't do right for doing wrong.

There's a lot of this site of 'back off' 'you're overstepping the mark' people wonder why there is so much hostility in step families, it would actually be nice to see a relationship between step children & parents encouraged

OP is only trying to get rid of nits ffs!

I would also second the suggestion of leaving in conditioner & a nit comb very effective.

But the op isn't treating the head lice. She's dolloping mayo in which does kill the lice nor the eggs so is pointless. Ditto ketchup, mint sauce, gravy.

The mayo suffocates the lice because (what I now know) the oil in it. And will look into the less smelly options now such as Olive oil or coconut oil. I totally understand if other parents prefer to use the chemically enhanced treatments from the shelf for ease and your belief that they work and kill the lice effectively.

Even using a treatment like hedrin you would need to comb through to get the dead lice and nits out as well as those that survive the trpayment. A nitty gritty comb get the eggs out dead or alive anyway and the oil helps to loosen them from hair.

I personally have found through treatment of myself as a child and others in recent years that lice become resistant to the magic chemical in treatments that kills the lice similar to that of a cold.

This article is interesting and talks about the positives and negatives to both natural methods and shop bought methods using scientific research to help back up the points made. www.mommypotamus.com/natural-remedies-lice/

Hedrin does work.
It does kill the lice.
It isn't dangerous.
The lice aren't immune. They are to the old style nasty poisoning treatments. But not the new smothering oily stuff. Your knowledge is out of date.

2014 I think OP is using a Nitty Gritty comb in conjunction with the mayo/oil. She has found it to be effective and it's perfectly safe. She is treating the head lice.

"I put BM because she calls me mum too (of her own choice)... in my head I needed to differentiate for the ease of reading without using names... I in know way meant it in a way to take her title away from her... I even said later on that I'm not a 'real' mother so don't get so uppity. She is her mother, I'm also seen by SD as her mother so to all intensive purposes her "real mother" is scientifically still her biological mother."

As explanations go, that is right up there among the worst I've ever heard. Did you mean it to sound so manipulative? That is the way it seemed (to me).

The child's mother is her mother. You are the child's step-mother .

Is that not plenty of differentiation for you.

Look, I have said it was a mistake, I have said I am not her mother, I have said it was not meant in a derogatory way or to seem as though taking her title as a mother away from her. I nor my partner never refer to me as mum, it's always dad and my name. I have personally hung photos of her mother in her bedroom. You are making out that I am some wicked step mother from a Disney film that wants rid of her mother. This is not the case, as explained above, I do everything I can to make sure her mother isn't blanked out when she is with us; we make stuff for her, buy stuff for her and phone and text whenever she wants.

Anyway, this is all completely besides the point. Have you got nothing better to do on a saturday night than poke your nose into other people's business where it's not asked? This post which quiet obvioysly was over with 24hrs before your post, was about headlice and how best to rid of them. Not the dynamics of a my SD family unit, if everyone involved is happy and most importantly the child is happy then why meddle with it?

P.s. I suggest you find something better and more productive to do with your time rather than being a keyboard warrior. Whether boredom, frustrations or stresses I'm sure there'll be something more productive you can do!

At the age where she thinks 'men can't do it right' ?!

"Have you got nothing better to do on a saturday night"

I clearly have, since I didn't see your response until now! However had you stipulated (perhaps in your OP) that there was a time-limit for responses, perhaps I would have complied with your requirements.

"than poke your nose into other people's business where it's not asked?"

... excuse me if I'm wrong, but were you not the one that put your business upon a public forum for others to poke their nose into.

"You are making out that I am some wicked step mother from a Disney film that wants rid of her mother."

Oh what bollocks.

You actually said that you used the term BM (birth mother) to differentiate (presumably between you and she) without using names. I said that using the terms mother and step-mother should be differentiation enough.

"Whether boredom, frustrations or stresses I'm sure there'll be something more productive you can do!"

Oh dear. Here I am returning to my keyboard for the second time in 48 hours! Over-use, do you think?

Yes I posted but I asked you to stick your nose into the business of headlice treatments as was made clear by my post... not family dynamics.

Your maths must be shocking... first my reply was not posted until this Morning, hence why you wouldn't of seen it on Saturday night. Second you say, "returning in 48 hours" it's barely over 12 hours, not 48... not that it matters anyway.

I know you said that would be difference enough, as did other people who had posted and I have apologised for my inappropriate or incorrect abbreviations that were not required, I did not need you to tell me after everyone else has and long after everything had been laid to rest.

My problem was not that you were correcting the mother / step mother situation. My problem is that you have not looked at the full post and proceeded to call me manipulative!

"Your maths must be shocking... first my reply was not posted until this Morning, hence why you wouldn't of seen it on Saturday night. Second you say, "returning in 48 hours" it's barely over 12 hours, not 48... not that it matters anyway."

You check the time on posts? You count up time between posts? And you think I'm bored!
No, there is nothing wrong with my maths ... I just didn't check ... you see, I just don't care that much about this.

"My problem is that you have not looked at the full post and proceeded to call me manipulative!"

Actually, I believe I said that it (your wording) makes it sound manipulative (to me). Which is a far cry from calling you manipulative ... I don't know you, so clearly cannot say what you are or are not, I can only say what something sounds like ... but hey ho, if that's your problem so be it.