Advice re weekends

[Magda72]

I'll give some background here as I don't want to drip feed.
Dp is from a town about 1hr 30mins from where I live. His exw lives there with their kids & dp has retained a house there. Many years ago his exw decided she wanted to move closer to her family so they moved to another town again about 1hr 30 mins from where I live but in the opposite direction. Dp is self employed so he moved his business hq to the new town. A few years down the line his exw fell out with her family and insisted on moving back to the first town, which she did. At this point the recession had kicked in and dp was not in a position to move his business so he stayed working around the town they had moved to and would commute home at the weekends to see the kids. At this stage the marriage was breaking down & a few years later they divorced.
When I met dp three years ago he was working all week, getting an early night on Friday & then getting up to drive anywhere between 3-5 hours depending on where exactly he'd been working, to collect the kids for Saturday evening & Sunday.
Obviously this allowed dp & I no time to see each other so he revised his access & now sees them eow. On these weekends he only works a 4 day week, collects them from school on Friday & drops them back to exw on Sunday evening. These changes were done in conjunction with the kids who all said they were fine with it & really do seem to be fine with it.
The problem is integrating his kids into our life as dp now lives with me & is paying out for a house he can ill afford for 4/5 nights a month. On holidays he tends to take them away or bring them up to ours. The weekends are a massive issue though. The two youngest have taken up a sport which takes up all of Saturday so at the moment dp collects from school on Friday, does the Saturday activities, drives 1:30 or 2hrs back home to me with them & then has to drive them back to their mum on Sunday. It's really not working & everyone is knackered!
I've posted on here about this before but it's different this time. His kids aren't resistant to being here, they like being here & are starting to get on really well with my 2.
I'm just looking for practical advice from anyone who's gone through similar.
Dp really needs to sell his house but is prepared to hold on to it for a while so he can have his weekends with his kids down there. However if he does this & minimises the driving, it keeps a big distance between his kids & me & my kids as we'll only see each other during holidays.
Dp and I are hoping to get married & while we're not trying to play happy families we would like everyone to feel integrated.
Dps 3 are 11, 14 & 17. Any practical tips/advice anyone has would be gratefully received.
Dp loves his boys and really wants to do right by them but we don't know the best way to proceed. My ex lives in the same town as us so while access is set as my kids have gotten older they've been able to say no to a weekend with him if they've plans & just meet him for dinner on another day if they choose & if he's free.
Exw no use either as if his boys are with us I'm trying to be their mum & if they're alone with their dad it's obvious I don't like them .
For the record the weekends dp and I are together my kids are with their dad so dp is not shelving his kids to be with another family (before anyone starts shrieking) & he works an extra long day on those Fridays & comes up to me on Saturday morning.
Sorry about long post.

I think it would be best for one in the 4 weekends you travel with your DC to his house and you all spend the weekend together there.

I feel for you Magda, distance can make things very difficult as the kids get older. My DP's kids moved 100 miles away from him and it does make things harder, although luckily he and their mum are happy to meet halfway rather than him having to do the whole thing.

I'm guessing their mum wouldn't drop them halfway?

I actually agree that it's important for the kids to feel part of their dad's 'other' life. There is another thread right now talking about a young boy who has blocked his dad on Facebook because he's so upset seeing the 'other' life as he's not included, so it's not to be underestimated.

A big part of a 'normal' childhood is the routine of family life and I believe so many children from separated families miss out on this because their parents focus solely on their wants and enjoyment rather than providing them this routine.

I'm sorry, I don't really have many useful suggestions for you, but just wanted to send some understanding your way. xx

If she decided to move from their agreed hometown then legally she is obliged to either meet him halfway or allow him to recoup the costs for half the travel if she is unable/ unwilling. That’s what I was told by my family law solicitor anyway... maybe she could meet him halfway or she does the round trip every other time to drop them / pick them up? That seems more fair

My DS really enjoyed going to his dad's other life, with his wife, step sister, dogs, and 'family home,' etc. even though it was a two hour journey each way E0W.
Now his dad is divorced and on his own he doesn't want to go anymore. He liked the whole family thing.
I think the answer is train (ex needs to stop being unreasonable) or as has been suggested, you all go down there once a month.

You really need to ask yourself why you're so judgemental.

I wonder the same thing of some posters on MN. I think some people just like being antagonistic.