Change of residence for dscs

[wheresthel1ght]

Morning folks,

So dp has finally lost it with his ex neglect and bs over her treatment of their kids and although he won't allow me to involve social services he has issued her with an ultimatium that even the kids have asked to be upheld.

It may seem utterly trivial but she refuses to treat them for nits. Doesn't think it is an issue in spite of the fact that dsd is being bullied at school as they are literally crawling over her face.

We treat them every time they are here and comb through, the kids are combing through themselves but all the treatments advise to retreat after 7 days to ensure cycle is broken and she is refusing. We have provided the stuff, shown her pics of the state of their hair and she thinks we are making it up.

Dsd also has toilet issues, at 11 still wets and messes although she has been much better over the summer. Mum claims this doesn't happen at hers but we know it's bull as one of the reasons dsd hides her dirty underwear is because her mum screams at her and she is scared it will happen here too. It doesn't at all, she gets told off for hiding it not for the incident, we know she can't help it. There is no medical reason as she has been fully checked over etc but it is worse when she is worried about things.

The last 2 weekends she has been with us she has been in tears as I have combed her hair. Her scalp is littered in scabs as is her neck, it is hurting her because if eggs etc.

Kids have said be their preference is to stay living with mum if she starts treating them properly and dealing with the nits rather than bitching about it but dsd has asked if she can come and live here if her mum refuses because she is fed up of scratching and being picked on.

We have said of course she can, and dp has told his ex that this is what will happen at next contact weekend if she doesnt start dealing with it.

There is jo court order in place so we have jo issues there but do we need to do anything else regarding change of residence other than notify school and doctor etc?

Also, any idea if he would still have to pay her maintenance if they live here? She would still have them every other weekend so, it obviously isn't something we would stop until we know it's happening but we can't afford the added expenses we would incur on top of paying her what we do.

Swing I do, but frankly I am not her parent and considering her parent sees her a damn site more than me I think frankly the responsibility sits with her. I have a dd who has clubs etc. Why should she suffer and miss out because I am doing a job that dad's parent could be doing? And before you fire back about her dad, he works night, he is out the door before glt hey leave to be back with mum.

Honestly I don't know why you comment. Your hatred of step mums is so apparent in your posts. There is always more to it in your eyes. I am not sure what exactly you think you gain?

I certainly don't have a hatred of SM, and if you read all threads, you will see that in many occasions, I am totally supportive of them and can be very critical of resident parents too.

However, I do get tired of SM who come here all mighty, going on about how neglectful the mother of the child is, to the point of saying that it warrants involving social services and a change of residency and then you find out that actually, the father or the SM could very well deal with the problem but then decide it's not their responsibility.

The title of your post is about changing residency, yet your last post is about how she shouldn't be your responsibility and her father's work pattern is such that he can't provide the care she needs.

So yes, sorry but I do think that this much more about punishing the mother than doing what's best for your sd. Saying that, that's my opinion going on by what you've said, hopefully I am totally wrong and you are a wonderful caring sm, in which case, there is no need to do anything because your sd will ask herself to come and live with you soon enough.

Am I right in thinking these nits have been going on for years?

The mum is clearly not going to do anything, and the problem will never be solved by treating in contact days only for them to go back and get reinfested.

@Lunar1 yup long before I came on scene!

I comb every time they are here. I adore them and th eyes me. But I am not going to apologise tm for not doing it all when th eyes have a parent who refuses to deal with anything

You don't have anything to apologise for, and the contact time should be for meaningful time at your home. Not for attacking them with a bit comb.

I really hope you manage to have them resident with you soon. Their life would be so much better for it.

Thanks @Lunar1!

I love that as sm I am automatically a cow but dm is saintly even though she is the one causing an issue!

On one hand I hope dp losing it at her and delivering this ultimatum will make it sink in as they need to know their mum is there for them and will do this, but then I hope they do come here as it will be better for them as things get dealt with

OP "could deal" with the issue of making sure they're fed and clothed, so does that mean their parent needn't bother during her time?! I'd say minimising the risk of your child being crawling with nits is pretty basic parenting and the mum should be ashamed of herself for letting her kids live like that when there is absolutely no need.

I don't think you are to blame at all OP. Glad you are concerned enough to be worried. I do think combing each time you see them could really help though, it will halt the lifecycle of the nits to keep their numbers right down. Scratching and scabs etc happens a couple of weeks in, you could head that off. just thinking practically. Any other option, like having the kids as resident may or may not happen, or be a long time, so I was just suggesting ways you could alleviate or prioritize. But as you said, you are doing this already.

You're not to blame at all OP. Ignore swing. You're right, she clearly has a hatred of stepmums and very obviously has nothing better to do with her time than come over to this board. Personally I wouldn't bother wasting my time justifying myself to her.

I think you're doing everything you can in this situation and they're lucky to have you. We went through a phase of DSD having nits every time we saw her and her mum refusing to treat them. It really not a nice situation for anybody. Thankfully she hasn't had them in a while (famous last words...)

I do hope this manages to get sorted for you