Do I say anything to DS step-mum

[em93]

So I'm just after abit of advice on what to say or do or to just leave it.

Abit of back storey I have 2 children DS7 (with ex) and DD1 (with husband). My father takes the kids away all the time on weekends away, they love it. Well everything was planed told my ex you won't be having DS this Sunday as he's going away, he was fine about it. My father rang me and said there had been a double booking so will have to be next weekend (he told me this the day they was going). So anyway my ex turned up to say good bye have a good weekend to DS, I explained everything to him that it's next week instead. So I said he could have him on his day Sunday again. He looked gone out at me and said I have plans I'm going to The Deep with my partner and her sisters kids. BTW he never plans days out with our son they do nothing and I was heart broken for DS as he kept asking why don't we ever go any where, don't you want me to come? To my amazement he then uttered well my partner can't cope with our DS??? I was shocked he's 7! Apparently she likes him it's just that she likes days out with out him?

Do I leave it? Do I say anything?
I explained to DS that he was not worry about it and that he will be going loads of places this 6weeks holidays anyway but he looked crushed.

Sorry it was long (first time post)

Your ds's stepmum is obviously out of order if she doesn't like your ds coming along to trips out.
But, when you've changed contact days at the last minute and then changed them back again and they're now going somewhere that has been pre booked, then you can't blame them for now not being able to take your ds along as well.
If your ds' stepmum has seized the opportunity to book it because she knew your ds wouldn't be there, then that is of course very mean. But it's hard to prove that this is the case.

I agree with strawberry you won't be able to prove a negative unless similar circumstances happen again - maybe the tickets were booked already. Maybe the car was full.

Just keep on doing your best in your time

My father takes the kids away all the time on weekends away, they love it

So they get plenty of 'treats' then?

Maybe he wants to spend proper time with his ds instead of having the distraction of doing other things on the one day he has him?

No court in the land would proscribe your contact arrangements. If I were advising your sons father I'd tell him to see a lawyer and go to court for proper contact. So fixed days that do not have to be negotiated every time you or you father change your minds.

Would it be fair to say you prioritize DS's time with your father over his father? What happens during DS's contact time with his DF is literally not your business and you'd be wise to not vocalise an opinion on the subject in front of him.

Your family's contact with him comes out of your time not you exs.

You will get a lot of opinions on here about how all step mums are evil but unless you are going to drip feed a lot of information now I think you are the unfair one.

To me the only problem here is that this was all discussed in front of DS and plans were changing literally in front of his eyes that he had no control over. You shouldn't be talking about this stuff in front of him when you haven't yet sorted it out between you, and I don't know what on earth his dad was thinking saying that his partner liked going out without him when he was right there!

I don't even think it's unreasonable that the partner would like the odd day out without DSS and with her own family. It's that he would say it outright in front of his son like that!

I think YABU. You told your ex he wasn't seeing his son so he has made plans, you then at the last minute say he can have him and are put out that he has made plans with his partner! Ridiculous.

Maybe his partner does fancy a grown ups only day out- is that terrible? Full time parents still enjoy days out without their kids.

Agree that he was entirely tactless to phrase it how he did YANBU there

It has nothing to do with the stepmum. His father should be having the boy. The father should be taking the boy out. It isnthe father who doesn't want to.

OP did you ask Dad why she / they can't cope? Does he have any behaviour issues? Does he not get on with the step kids? I think you need to try and establish if its fact or fiction but you need to talk to Dad to do that.

I don't think the stepmum would be deliberately horrible to your son and try and exclude him. There could be so many reasons

My DP and his ex have an arrangement that is honestly too flexible. I don't know whether I'm coming or going with it and it's very stressful. So many times I've planned a day out with them both and my DS, for it to be all changed last minute as his ex wants to do something with my DSD. It's honestly put me off making plans and makes me want to do things with just my DS ...but to be nasty or exclude her, but it's too all up in the air.

Not saying it's the case with you but it sounds like your arrangement is a bit up in the air too. It's hard for a SM work around it honestly