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Step-parenting

Connect with other Mumsnetters here for step-parenting advice and support.

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Original poster

Allowance for DSD now she has a job

29 replies

Dollyparton3 · 12/07/2017 13:50

So DSS and DSD have an allowance which we put in place after becoming a bit of a weekend cash machine, we decided then that we'd give them an opportunity to budget and prioritise what they want to spend their money on rather than them having to co me to us for everything.

DSD gets £50 a month, the deal is that we pay for "room and board" as we call it, after that she has to pay for her phone, toiletries, clothes etc. She also has an allowance from two sets of grandparents and her mum (£30 between them I believe). So she has £80 a month in total pocket money.

She's just got her first part time job which is paying relatively well, she should earn around £150 a month. My OH and I are of the view that now that she has the means to pay for a few treats herself, we should reduce her allowance. After all, we put the allowance in place because she wasn't old enough to have a job and we wanted to give her a bit of freedom and responsibility. (That and the fact that she does have extremely expensive demands and I was a bit fed up with OH seeming to be asked for everything ALL the time by her)

When I got my first job at 14 though my parents stopped giving me pocket money altogether. That was fair enough. My parents gave it to me until I had the means to earn for myself. Once that was over I was on my own.

I should add that since we gave this generous allowance a couple of years back it's been a bit of a bone of contention. She blew most of her first year's allowance on a new iphone and then had no money to buy anyone christmas presents. Now all she spends it on is make up and clothes. The concept of the "budget" has been a bit lost on her.

I should add that she's not had to do any chores for her allowance - I know, we're idiots right?

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swingofthings · 12/07/2017 17:24

It's up to you. I started giving DD £30 a month when she was 15 or so. She's now 17 and has a job every Saturday, so earns about £150 a month too (might be more!). I could stop her £30, or paying her phone, but I don't because she only spends reasonably and saves most of it. I'm proud of her for budgeting well and as I can afford the £30, I am very happy to continue to do so.

It would be another matter if she spent it all on luxurious items she doesn't need and then came to me asking for extra because she's got none left until pay day.

AtiaoftheJulii · 12/07/2017 23:32

When dd got a job during 6th form, I put her monthly pocket money aside for her until after her A levels - she used some of it to go and visit a friend that summer, I spent some more of it on stuff for her for uni, and gave her the last bit when she moved into halls.

BackforGood · 13/07/2017 00:01

In principle, I don't think it makes sense to stop 'pocket money' or 'allowance' for teens if they make the effort to get a PT job when studying. If you 'take off them' the money they would have had for doing nothing, then what's the point in them going out and working ?
However, it does sound like she has been 'quids in' for a long time, and not being very astute about saving for driving lessons or university or whatever she might want that will be expensive in the near future.
Would it work if you said that, being as she now was earning her 'spending money', that you were going to save the allowance for her? That way at least she isn't wasting it all, but neither is she working for nothing, in effect.

MiniAlphaBravo · 13/07/2017 00:16

Isn't losing allowance a punishment for getting a job?

yourerubberimglue · 13/07/2017 00:24

It's such a negative message - essentially punishing her for getting a job.

AtiaoftheJulii · 13/07/2017 00:43

My dd was earning over £160 a month, which felt like a huge amount to her. She didn't need another £50odd from me. And she benefited from or a year or so later. She and I talked about it beforehand and she was happy with our agreement - certainly didn't feel punished. If/when ds gets a job, hopefully we'll come to a similar arrangement.

Bananasinpyjamas11 · 13/07/2017 00:48

I wouldn't stop the money, it takes away the incentive to work and build on it. Unless she's being silly with the money.

Slinkymalinky1 · 13/07/2017 01:31

I wouldn't take it away, as it takes away the incentive to work. I'd rather they see the benefits of earning more than thinking well Its easier to just take the allowance

Ilovetolurk · 13/07/2017 05:11

You put a raised eyebrow after the fact that she gets £80 a month to pay for her phone toiletries and clothes. That is less than £20 a week hardly excessive. I would not expect her to save anything from that.

I would not offset from her earnings either for the reasons above.

Original poster

Dollyparton3 · 13/07/2017 08:22

Thanks all. I like the idea of saving it for her towards uni or a car, at the moment she does spend all of it on herself (not even so much as a Christmas card last year) so perhaps we should think about a working too up. Whilst she's working we'll save it towards her driving lessons. At the moment she's expecting those thrown in for free.

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HerRoyalNotness · 13/07/2017 09:20

I don't understand PP saying it takes away incentive to work. If you're earning more working, wouldn't you rather work than keep the allowance and quit working? Makes no sense to me.

We'll be stopping DHs DDs pocket money when she turns 18 this year. She has a part time job and unbeknown to her father dropped out of college and works extra hours. She goes again in Sept, but it's a bit of. Pisstake to keep getting allowance. You can't pay it forever!

Other suggestions to Put it toward uni etc are good Ines

itsbetterthanabox · 13/07/2017 15:43

Seems mean to stop it.
If I were her I'd not work and keep just getting pocket money.
It's not a lot she gets plus it's not all from her dad it's from her GPS

BenLui · 13/07/2017 15:52

My parents gave my siblings and me an allowance while we was in full time education. Regardless of part time jobs. Our driving lessons were a 17th birthday gift.

They never enquired what our money was spent on but there was a clear rule that once it was spent it was spent - there would be no top ups.

Original poster

Dollyparton3 · 13/07/2017 17:57

To clarify, it's just the money from us we'd be stopping, so the £50.

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Original poster

Dollyparton3 · 13/07/2017 17:58

Or putting elsewhere I should add

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MiniAlphaBravo · 13/07/2017 18:21

Depends if you can afford it. I think you sound very negative towards her. Not sure what you expect a teenager to do with money other than buy clothes? Xmas gifts for you it seems. If you can't afford it then stop it otherwise why would you?

AtiaoftheJulii · 13/07/2017 18:34

I definitely expect my teenagers to buy each other (and me and dh) birthday and Christmas presents out of their own money. Seeing them think about and find each other meaningful and much appreciated presents is lovely, and possibly one of my proudest parenting achievements. If they blew it all and then just shrugged on Christmas morning I'd be really fucking pissed off.

halcyondays · 13/07/2017 18:41

If she has to buy all her clothes from it, it's not really pocket money.
Unless money is really tight it seems a bit mean to stop pocket money once they get a job.

Tormundsbrow · 13/07/2017 18:46

I don't understand how it's classed as pocket money when it's for essentials like toiletries and clothes??

MiniAlphaBravo · 13/07/2017 18:47

Atia I do agree but this teen has only had her 'room and board' covered, so shelter and food it seems, til now. Maybe she also gets transport covered I don't know. £50 a month isn't that much for buying all clothes, toiletries, saving for driving lessons, bus, social life, hobbies etc.

AndNowItIsSeven · 13/07/2017 18:49

£50 a month including clothes and toiletries isn't really generous tbf.

Original poster

Dollyparton3 · 13/07/2017 19:12

Wow, this is like burgergate all over again.

Let's remember that this is our arrangement with DSD and she's here at the moment 1 night a month. I suspect that at her full time home she has other arrangements with her mum.

£50 a month for doing nothing (not lifting a finger) seems a lot to me, I did say we'd shot ourselves in the foot on that one, but as far as I'm aware she has no expenditure anywhere.

The principle that we had originally was that we would pay for her to be able to make choices about how to spend her money until she had the means to get a job. Now that she has a job we're just considering if there is a better way moving forward.

And yes Atia, we didn't get so much as a "happy Christmas" on the day, we did get a pile of rotten attitude though. DSS saved £10 a month for 6 months so that he could buy everyone something and he got a real kick out of being able to do that for the first time.

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Tormundsbrow · 13/07/2017 19:14

Does her dad still pay maintenance?

Original poster

Dollyparton3 · 13/07/2017 19:20

Yes. And above the statutory amount

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Joinourclub · 13/07/2017 19:22

It's clear you don't really like her. I think you should probably stay out of it and let her dad discuss it with her. Well done for providing her with 'room and board' one night a month though.

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