What do you do about clothes?

[NeverGoOutOfStyle]

Hi,

My DP has his DS (4) every weekend and one night per week. DS's mum was packing clothes for him every weekend, and kept all items of clothing bought by DP for him. We now have a full wardrobe of clothes for him here, but things are getting a little tricky, basically once an item goes to her house, it is rarely seen again. She no longer sends clothes with him but she also rarely sends any clothes back that belong here, and treats them as hers (giving them away to friends, charities etc) we try and limit what goes back to her house but with items like socks and underwear it isn't always possible, I feel like we're constantly buying more and more because despite asking for it back items they never return or one pair of pants, or socks will come back. It's not the end of the world, but we don't really have the money to continually replace things and it does mount up when money is quite tight right now.

What do other people do regarding clothes? Does your partners ex provide the clothes or do you have separate things?

I agree that it must be frustrating to buy clothes that never comes back, and if these are then handed over/sold, that's totally inappropriate.

However, as it's been pointed, speechless that someone would be prepared to count pants and socks and moan about these when they can be bought for a pound of so at Primark. Surely all that is required is to keep those they came with and at some point, they will be all mixed, and all that matters is that they always have some clean pants and socks?

Life to short to get angry over socks!

Don't know if it would help but I asked my ex to just mark a red dot with a sharpie on the clothes he buys. Then if they end up here I can send them back.

I am not the best as knowing which clothes come from where (my kids are older preteens so I don't choose their clothes for here so much anymore) and this way we can keep things roughly in the right places.

Obviously that won't help if the ex is deliberately keeping clothes but it could just be that, like me, she hates laundry has other stuff to do so sorting washing gets pushed to the bottom of the list.

We are on the receiving end of this sort of thing with DP's ex so I have sympathy and seeing it from the other side did make me realise I should maybe sort the bloody washing mountain out more often instead of relaxing for 5mins and reading MN

I obviously mean mark a dot on the label of the clothes

In case you are imagining graffitid clothes!!

I always sent DS to XH with a bag of clothes when he went to stay. This bag came back home with him with the dirty clothes.

Similarly DSSs brought a bag with their clothes and anything else they would want for the weekend.

These issues didn't crop up as it was always the case that they would pack for the weekend just as they would if staying at anyone's house.

This is always a fun one. If you're hanging on to the majority of the clothes you've bought I'd call that a win. Never mind sending back pants and socks that aren't "yours". He comes in one set, he goes home in one set. A child can really only wear one set at a time! We have a full set of everything for both DSC which is ridiculous because we only have them EOW weekend but DHs exW refused to send wellies/winter coats or anything other than what they had on when he collected them.

DSD used to come wearing clothes that were too small and her brothers hand me downs that she hated. I eventually started pitching them out and just sending her back in new stuff. Nothing was ever said so I guess it was fine but who knows. The toys still all migrate to their mums and that's more annoying because I'm forever buying new stuff because they are bored.

This has been happening with us for years. It's not deliberate, things he bought end up here and visa versa. It is annoying but I've learned to just buy more. Yes it's expensive and you sometimes end up with loads more things than you need to but it's easier and simpler. It used to stress everyone out and it ended up upsetting my daughter, it just wasn't worth it in the end.

My SS is now 11

When he was little we had similar problems. Myself and OH had new clothes, underwear etc at our house. SS would come to ours in old clothes that barely fit, we would change him and send him clothes that did fit and looked new and more importantly clean.

This then became a game for her it seemed. She would send him every time wearing something old, dirty, had a rip in or didn't fit. Knowing that we didn't like it and would change him and send him back looking clean and smart!

Eventually we had nothing because the clothes she sent were put straight into the bin. OH asked her for some clothes back or to send SS in decent clothes or they would be binned and he would go home in PJs. This seemed to do the trick and she gave in playing her silly game.

We now have clothes for him at ours and he has clothes at home, he wears what he wants to wear and has what clothes he wants to have at whichever house, and depending on where he last wore them.

I'm bored at work so reading up on step parent threads (being one myself).

We had a similar issue with DSS's clothes. He's 11 and was constantly coming to ours in tracksuit bottoms with holes in them (once the holes were at his behind so we couldn't even take him out for the day as his underwear was showing and at that point his mum was sending his clothes as he was only with us 2 days a week).
I ended up taking it upon myself to buy nice new clothes which included jeans, nice tops and a lovely hoodie at xmas that was fluffy inside and he loved how cosy it was to the point he fell asleep in it a few times.

It went home to his as he went home from being out with us and this was around 3 months ago and we haven't seen it since, despite asking for it back multiple times. He told us his mum thinks she binned it when they moved house, whereas we think he liked it so much she just kept it.
I also spent over £100 on holiday clothes for him (again jeans, nice tops, hoodies, shirt, shoes etc) and he went home in one of the jeans and t shirt sets (i like to get things to match) and it hasn't been seen since.
He's getting to the age where (I believe) what he is wearing matters a bit in terms of confidence etc and jeans make him more grown up looking when he's going out somewhere rather than out playing.
I just can't afford to keep replacing everything as a few of the items I got for the holiday don't even fit anymore.

We've resorted to dressing him in the stuff we buy on the saturday we have him and sending him home in his mums stuff on the sunday (that he will have come down in).
It's not as though his mum doesn't buy him clothes but she seems to get him expensive tracksuits that he ruins rather than buying a load of cheaper ones that will end up lasting longer.

I would rather have the £35 hoodie he loves than the ruined, hole filled £75 tracksuit bottoms.

it may seem unfair on him but that's the only way we can make sure he is wearing appropriate clothing for days out and we don't lose a fortune in clothing expenses.

Hope this snippet into my personal clothing nightmare helps.