Entitled SS

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AIBU - I am currently pregnant with mine and DP's 1st child he also has SS from a previous relationship who is 14.

SS is not a bad child and isn't rude and we get on well however now that we are having a baby we have combined our finances which include money paid out for SS

My DP pays maintenance for SS and also pays half of all purchases such as shoes, school trips ect. However I feel that SS is given too much for no apparent reason both him and DP have season tickets and the cost of this isn't offset against a Birthday or Christmas present but it's a lot of money and I feel as if this should be used as a reward for good grades or present i.e. Bday or Xmas

The same goes with trainers ( I understand all children need trainers but if he wants a pair at over £100 I feel they should be for an occasion) he doesn't seem grateful for any of these things he has and just continues to presume he will get these items on top of regular Christmas and birthday presents

I don't agree with this form of parenting as he is basically being rewarded for nothing he asks for something and he gets it and shows no gratitude so my point is - AIBU to think that more expensive items should be given as treats and part of birthdays / Xmas rather than the norm ?

Op had better buy her child lots of presents for its birthday otherwise they'll be bursting out of the 0-3 month clothes for the next 9 months. Or, oh no, I suppose the same rules won't apply because it's her child.

How bizarre.

I love the idea of the cost of a season ticket and trainers being deducted from the Christmas/birthday fund.
I mean WTAF?!?

Mmmh, love popcorn.

If your DP pays maintenance I suppose SS doesn't live with you? So he gets a season ticket and trainers instead of his dad. Ever thought about it like that, from the POV of the stepchild? You've got his dad. I'm sure he'd rather that than trainers.

Have you see the price of branded men's trainers? I have a teen in size 10 and it's hard to find trainers that cost under £100 in colours that are acceptable to teens. I keep an eagle eye on the Nike shoe sales and buy the "right" shoes to save money. It feels strange paying double for his shoes than mine but he gets lots of enjoyment out of them and I'm not under the same pressure as him to own a specific pair,

Small kids shoes cost less but it's very normal that they have several at a time. A 6 year old might own school shoes (£45 from Clarks), school PE trainers (£15 from supermarket), party shoes (£15), wellies (£10), sandals (£25), trainers (£35 for branded like Nike). What I'm saying is that you'll be forking out £100 when your child's feet grow.

The SS doesn't sound entitled. He's dependent on his parents for shoes and the season ticket decision has been made by his father so if you're mad about the cost and time then you should be mad at him and not your SS.

It's really sad that you see the teen as entitled rather than seeing his father as doing the best he can do.

When you and your h planned your baby, did you discuss finances before combining them? I don't mean did you ask your h to pay less maintenance but I mean set budgets so that you were saving for maternity leave or discuss how your gift budget for SS might be affected by having a baby etc (e.g. Xmas 2016 you spend £200 on SS. Xmas 2017 you spend £150 on SS and £50 on baby. Xmas 2018 you spend £100 each. )

Kids are often not grateful for stuff even if they adore you. For example, my kids now know what a palaver making pancakes is so on Pancake Day, they are very grateful for pancakes before school. Your dss doesn't realise that £100 is 25 hours of work at the under 18 national minimum wage (£4.05) but when he buys his first trainers with his own money then he'll find out how much work it takes to buy trainers.

Really hope this 'DP' tells you where to stick your ideas about how he should parent his son. LOL @ trainers being deducted from a Christmas present fund. You obviously have no experience of teens.

both him and DP have season tickets and the cost of this isn't offset against a Birthday or Christmas present

Oh op, i really don't mean to sound patronizing - but you got a lot to learn about being responsible for a child.

tell me, will you be making sure to offset all activities,hobbies, treats that you will give your dc against their birthday/xmas?

As an only child so far, i can understand why he 'gets' more than perhaps he would if he had siblings.

Now that he has a sibling on the way, all you need to ensure is that you have the finances to treat your dc equally.
Their costs are still going to be different due to their age gap & needs so expect that.

ideally, i would say that maintenance for sdc, and whatever other school related stuff, should come out of the 'family pot'. The extra's like the season tickets,non essential stuff, should come out of your dh's 'personal spends'.

you need to re-think combining ALL your finances, that isn't working for you.

right now, the only time i would get upset would be if i was told we couldn't afford things like pram/travel system etc that i would like to buy for newborn out of the joint pot.

only when my dc was affected by 'we can't afford that' would i be raising the issue of sdc's financing.

You're a selfish entitled twat.

HTH

I have no idea why you have duplicated your previous post but I'll happily duplicate my answer.

You are being very unfair and unreasonable. Why are you trying to prevent your partner continuing his joint hobby with his son? And as for the idea that the poor boy should only have new shoes on his birthday - WTAF? Teenagers feet grow. They need new shoes a couple of times a year. If your partner can afford to buy him new trainers and usually does so, then it's none of your business if he continues to do so.

I didn't put this in my previous answer but as you obviously weren't prepared to listen to any of the answers you got there, I'll spell it out for you. You are an absolute cow.

I think you should see your partners generosity as a positive quality. Imagine if you were the ex, you might be one day.