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Strugging and sad

38 replies

TheCakes · 13/12/2016 11:19

I hope this is OK to post here.
I'm finding my family really hard to manage. I have two DS who live with us, my husband has no children of his own.
Over the years we've been married, DS1's behaviour has got increasingly worse. He is struggling at school, lots of worrying/risky behaviour (he's a teenager) and has some SEN although we struggle to get support or a proper diagnosis with them.
DH finds this impossible to deal with, as he just doesn't have that unconditional bond that I have with him.
They can barely be in the same room. DS stays with my mum in the week, which has enabled him to move to a better school with more support, although he's still getting into lots of trouble there.
This weekend it was my birthday - a milestone one. We planned a family lunch. DH was so stressed by the prospect of spending time together as a family he was snappy with everyone about getting ready (DS often looks scruffy and gets upset if we try and tidy him up). By the time we left, we were in full blown stress mode, and DH ended up not coming.
I had a nice time with my mum and boys but felt sad that for one day we can't do something as a family. It's not the first time he's bailed out of family events - in fact I think he's done it for everything I've planned with the boys in the last couple of years. I've definitely stayed in hotels with them on my own at least twice.
Honestly, I'm thinking of throwing the towel in. I know DS is really difficult, but I don't think the situation at home makes it any easier for him.
But then DS2 adores him and is thriving having a consistent father figure.
I've told DH he needs to sort his feelings out so many times over the years, but if it's a case that he simply can't cope and isn't happy, wouldn't it be kinder to just let him go?

Advice from the other side appreciated.

OP posts:
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TheCakes · 13/12/2016 15:52

No-one initiates anything except me. And even then it often doesn't work out, eg birthday meal.
DH can be quite hard work about not enjoying things or not wanting to try anything new. Eg I got a good deal on a snowboarding lesson, so DS and I did that (DS2 was at a sleepover) but there's no way DH would do that.
He plays on his PS4 at home but they don't play together, as such.

OP posts:
TheCakes · 13/12/2016 16:14

I do a lot of talking to him about drugs, smoking, crime etc and he's been referred to various agencies through school.
CAMHS have been no help at all.
He does a very good job of looking like he's taking it all in, then totally ignoring it all the minute he leaves the front door.
I'm not being mean. I have to keep him in to protect him from himself at the moment as things have been escalating.
I worry if I was parenting solo I wouldn't be able to cope, and keep my business afloat, and care for DS2 adequately.

OP posts:
TheCakes · 13/12/2016 20:03

Well, I had a good chat with DS after school, told him I was hoping we could all have a good Xmas.
He said he and DH won't ever get on "because he mildly dislikes me and I can't stand him." He said he feels it's all one sided, where he's being asked to do stuff all the time but not getting anything back, as DH doesn't speak to him or do anything. He said DH stuck up for him a lot when he had problems at his old school, but since he moved he doesn't do much for him.
So I asked what he could do, and did he mean things like giving him a lift home from the skate park, and he really lifted and said yes, exactly that kind of thing.
The best time he had was when he got his new BMX for his birthday and DH helped him assemble it. He said that helped a lot.
So now to put it to DH in a way he'll not feel like I'm having a dig, or asking for something impossible.

OP posts:
Lunar1 · 13/12/2016 20:34

Does It not bother you that you can't just talk to your husband? You shouldn't have to figure out a way to talk to him, refereeing is what you do between your children, it's not how you should be interacting with your husband.

TheCakes · 13/12/2016 21:18

Honestly, yes. But the levels of stress in our house are awful. Everyone is on the defensive all the time, and I'm in the middle. It's shit.

OP posts:
followTheyellowbrickRoad · 14/12/2016 01:48

I think I understand where you are coming from op. You're stuck in the middle and want everything to work. It must feel like you are having to pick between the boys. If you and your dh separated I don't think it would make a huge difference to your ds1, as it doesn't sound like he is acting out because of his home life. But it would upset Ds2 as he is more bonded with him.

I would sit tight for while longer and hopefully once ds1 gets a bit older things will improve.

Bananasinpyjamas1 · 14/12/2016 01:59

I don't know all the ins and outs of it, however some things stand out -

  • your DH sounds very despondent
  • you sound quite despondent, and also defensive of DS1
  • You only talk about your DH needing to change, not your DS1
  • There is a positive relationship with your DS2 and DH
  • the behaviour of your DS1 does sound challenging and a little worrying
  • your DH did try counseling, and so did you.
  • 14 is an age when resentment can come out.

If I were you I wouldn't throw in the towel just yet. I don't think that you are caught in the middle. I think that you need in some way to re align with your DH. You need a bit of help too, ask him for help with DS1 in a specific way that you think he could actually do. Make him feel useful. Give them time alone to sort stuff out together.

He could also serve a very useful role in helping DS2 have some time away from DS1.

Make some time for just you and DH to go away for a weekend.

Make some time for just you and DS1 too. You have your Mum to help, ask her advice.

Don't give up! And don't give up on DH or DS1 just yet!

Bananasinpyjamas1 · 14/12/2016 02:04

He said DH stuck up for him a lot when he had problems at his old school, but since he moved he doesn't do much for him.

This too OP. Maybe your DS1 needs a bit of a kick. If someone 'hated you' you'd have a hard time being OK and it sounds as if DS1 is getting a bit entitled. Yes so he has problems. Yes so he needs you and others. However it's not just about others giving to him all the time. Ask him when if the last time he did anything for DH? Anything, even small. Tell him that part of growing up is making the first move. And why not him. DH has obviously been caring to him in the past, so all is not lost.

HesNotAMessiah · 14/12/2016 12:07

I have been in a similar situation to your DH, the only difference being the DSC in question moved out just in time to save my relationship with DP and the other DSC.

Please try and understand the place your DH is in just now. Living with step teenagers is hard, and especially hard if you've never built a paternal link with them. And nobody's to blame for that.

Your DH is showing signs of the same sort of anxiety I had, the very thought of being in the same house as what I perceived to be the cause of the problems - eldest DSC - would cause a stress response in me, sometimes days in advance. That manifested itself in mood, attitude and defensive behaviour like trying to keep out of the way. What you see as picking up on the children's behaviour,manners, lack of contribution are all that. It's just impossible to bottle up when you're in 'That Place'.

You feel totally alienated by the family you're trying to be part of. And very much alone. And you blame the DSC for that.

I too went to counselling and at first I focussed on what I wanted to hear from the counsellor - that it was reasonable to expect certain standard of behaviour from the kids, that they should contribute and that as an adult I had a position in the family that should be respected and they needed to change, I was doing the right thing.

But then, and I don't know when or how the conversation moved on but we got to discussing this anxiety issue and that took the lid off the box. A lot of stuff in there but basically it's about your own perception of what is happening and how you CHOOSE to respond to it. And it is a choice.

It's very easy, especially once you start to feel you have a difficult relationship with someone to react on that basis. They're being difficult, so being difficult in return is just what they deserve. But you are feeding the monster in doing that.

Your DH needs to realise that all of these stressful things that are happening are not aimed at him, they aren't a threat, they are just happening. Controlling that flight or fight response to the perceived threat is the answer.

Don't get angry, turn thinking about what just happened and why did it happen to me to simply why did it happen. And then to how a different outcome might be achieved.

There's a lot more carrot than stick with teenagers and step children, combine the two and you're working in the UN at times as a SP. DH needs to know it's not a fight about one of them getting what they want,it's about an outcome both of them accept.

And yes, there is also some relationship rebuilding to be done here. When you go for coffee do you tell DH about it when you get home, is he interested? Maybe next time he can come with you and be part of the conversation in the first place? Go with a suggestion of something DH and DS could do together next time DS is home? As simple as suggesting driving him to the skate park, maybe DH could watch for a bit before leaving DS some space and then talk about ds's skating on the way home.

Just positive interactions.

I'm going through the next round with second DSC and it's no different, exactly the same situations and behaviour and I can sometimes feel the same frustration of a seemingly pointless existence. But knowing you can deal with it if you CHOOSE to is a lot easier.

And if you think your DH is starting to regret from family life, talk to him about it! Pull him back from the brink. Let him know you appreciate him making the effort and you will support him but he needs to keep doing it. In return you will work with DS to do the same.

BlueBlueSkies · 14/12/2016 12:28

What is your relationship like with your DH on the weekends when the boys are with their DF? Do you both relax and enjoy each others company then.

DH and I used to argue all the time about the kids, mine and his. What saved us was making sure we did something nice on our child free weekends, we also went away to a hotel by the sea once a quarter. It helped us focus on us and why we were together, and that helped us deal with the nightmare of being a blended family.

TheCakes · 14/12/2016 23:08

It's OK. We do definitely love each other. When we're in the midsts of this it gets a bit lost, but when the chips are down we don't want to be apart.
We're quite different in a lot of ways but we had a brilliant holiday together in October and do try to do things together, What we really need is more friends IRL, but that's not unreachable. I think I can see a way to widen our circles and that would make our life a lot better.
We've had a big talk. I've spoken to DS too. He's going to be difficult till he is allowed out again, but DH and I are OK about how we'll handle that one.
Someone said upthread about him getting entitled, and there's definitely something in that. Tricky with his SEN as I don't know if its the ASD traits coming into play or if he's just being difficult, but one way or another he needs to be nice to his family.

OP posts:
Mamabear14 · 20/12/2016 13:58

I would say your DH is the problem here, and you'll probably find that once he is out the way your DS will start to come around.
My DS2 is 10. He has ASD, ADHD, ODD and other stuff. He is HARD WORK. In a special needs school, violent, aggressive, downright horrible sometimes actually. My partner has been punched, kicked, bitten, pushed down the stairs and called every name under the sun. He has been nothing but supportive of him, ever. Thinking of things to help, taking him out alone to do stuff, just making time to chat with him. If he ever did any different, he would be gone. That's my son, he is my priority, always.
Your son probably feels incredibly pushed out.
You'll cope on your own, I didn't think I could years ago, when he was 4 and smearing poo everywhere, infact I had to not have a living room and make it into a 'safe' room for him as he self harmed. You adapt and get in with it. You really do.

Mamabear14 · 20/12/2016 13:59

Also meant to say I really hope it works out, I know it's bloody hard being stuck not knowing what to do for the best!

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