Mum hit DSS

[ABitOfACyclePath]

So last night my DH got a text from DSS Mum saying we need to take DSS as he was misbehaving so she hit him then he hit her back so she tried to drag him outside and he punched and kicked her.

Long story short I spoke to DSS on phone and he broke down so bad he couldn't talk so I asked him to text me and tell me what happened. He said his sibling had been pulling his hair so he told him off, the sibling went and told Mum and Mum hit him in the face so he hit Mum back and then she grabbed him really hard.

I'm fizzing. This is just once in a long line of incidents. Would I be unreasonable to phone social services and let them take up the case if they feel there is a need to?

Her defence is that hitting is wrong and she's told them both that so she followed that up by hitting

I see what you are saying but it wouldn't be possible. We have 2 children here and I work at night so I wouldn't have anyone here to let me go to work. Our DD is disabled so no alternative childcare available.

Then you are going to have to talk to your husband and look into getting his son moved to you. How can any of you think it's ok to leave things as they are for the next 8 months, or are all the children not equally important?

Your OH will have to consider what is worse for his DS. Living with his mother or stay around friends.
He can make new friends. Living with an abuser, it's less easy to get over.

What about his sibling?

So bored of these 'none of your business' rubbish people are still spouting on this board. It's tiresome at best and dangerous at worst.
OP you sound amazing. You have been in his life for as long as he can remember. Agree that you should talk to DH and do what's best for your DSS.

What Lweji and Lunar said is true, he can stay in touch with friends but really living with abuse can't be an option, not even for a short while, he needs to be out as soon as possible not in in 8 months time. That is not fair on the poor boy, also the younger sibling living there needs considering even if he isn't your husbands. Even if you bring DSS to you now, you need to raise issues with SS about the other children living there as they will likely be next in line for the abuse if they are not already suffering.

I would get advice, phone childline even, or something similar and get your head around what your next step should be. SS are supposed to be there to support and protect, but you may want to understand how anonymous you want to be but I agree you need to do something. Whether your DH agrees or not, as it is the 10 year old who is priority here.

I do also think you need to consider being the main carer. I know your kids are your main priority but who else has he got?

I think you need to seriously consider whether or not moving him to a new school isn't the lesser of two 'evils'. At 10, have you and DH ever spoken to DSS about moving in? He may surprise you and actually want to, especially if you assure him that you'll do your best to keep him in touch with his friends. And you know, a new school usually means new (local) friends and the old ones fade away.

As we're getting near Xmas break it might not be a bad time to make the change.

you could raise it with SS but if your DSS doesn't have any marks on him, I'm not sure what they can do. Is there any other evidence of neglect or abuse? not taking your kids to the dentist may not be considered neglect. but yes, if he has problems at mom's you or his dad really have to do everything in your power to help him.

Where are you? In Scotland the 'every child matters' advice stuff is that 'it's everyone's job to make sure I'm alright' and am happy to see pp agree. And normally this term is used as a piss take but please, think of this poor child and how fucking shit must feel to think that not only that your mum has assaulted you, but that you've not been 'rescued' from it by people who could. Thank you for caring about DSS and ignore those who've told you you don't get involved as SM.