Fussy eating SS

[strugglingstepdad]

Me and my partner have just moved in together and I have "inherited" four lovely step kids.

They live with us full time and only have contact with their dad once a week by phone (he is only allowed supervised contact but refuses to organise it, but to be fair after what the kids went through they're not bothered about not seeing him). They all went through hell for the past 13 years (well obviously different ages, but the eldest is 12 and the beatings started before he was born).

This brings me to my problem. The eldest refuses point blank to eat anything he "thinks" he won't like. This is most of the time. There are very few foods he will eat. A lot of the time this was allowed by DP as if he had said he didn't want to eat something he would have been hit. This was as recent as July last year.

Now forward onto today. I bought a take away and he asked for a garlic bread. I ordered the wrong one and got the one with cheese. Now a few weeks ago he ate one with cheese and didn't notice and enjoyed it. This time without even trying it he refused to eat it because it had cheese on.

It's a struggle because DP is cooking 2 meals a night (proper food for the other 3 and herself and whatever DSS will eat that day). My first response is to say "eat the same as everyone else or go without" but that worries me as I don't want him to starve. It doesn't help that Social Services are involved so all it takes is for him to say we've denied him food and it's at risk of becoming abuse! Especially as they have only just come off a child protection plan ( to protect from their dad not mum).

Any help gratefully received!

So am I. And I would encourage the child to try different food (obviously not make too much of a fuss) but I treat them as I treat mine but then I suppose every family Is different and there is no right or wrong way. I Welcome my partner as a step parent and his involvement with the children.

I would ignore what your stepson is refusing to eat. Why? For the reasons you have already stated, plus the fact that it draws attention to one particular stepchild and your Dp may well become defensive over your actions.

Ignore it, unless your stepson shows signs of ill health from his diet. I was a faddy eater as a child (still am). I like my food very plain, don't like rice or pasta. if anyone tried to make me eat greens etc. I would refuse and probably would end up in tears. Just make sure there is fresh fruit available. (I'm betting your partner already does this)

All you can do at this stage is to support your Dp in whatever she considers is reasonable. If you have any concerns about your stepchildren they should be discussed in private with her and not in front of the children, but you already know this. I hope you have a long and happy partnership.

I do understand your frustration OP, but I would leave this issue for a year. After everything has begun to settle down, then I'd re-evaluate with your partner. You may well find that other issues have become more important.

There has been such trauma, you have only moved in recently, and as well meaning as you are, you insisting on food could feel like a control issue.

That doesn't mean you should like it, or indulge him yourself. If he doesn't like something, then he doesn't have to eat it. If you've both made a reasonable effort then there's nothing to feel bad about.

Don't make a big deal out of it.

At this point in time, I think picky eaters are the least of your problems! But in any case, just leave it to your DP, this is probably not the time for you to push the co-parenting aspect! But good on you for caring enough to ask for advice!!