Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Step-parenting

Connect with other Mumsnetters here for step-parenting advice and support.

Original poster

My DSD has been bad-mouthing me to her mum. I am upset.

39 replies

steppinstone · 05/10/2016 04:07

I thought we had a good relationship. But I've discovered that my 18 year old DSD has been bad mouthing me to her mum, and saying I am cruel to her (about asking her to help around the house, largely). Her mum has been sending vitriolic texts to DH on the back of this.

I am so cross that I am on the verge of asking them both to move out. I have had enough. AIBU to be upset by this? I am really starting to dislike DSD.

OP posts:
abbsismyhero · 05/10/2016 17:59

Pass all her chores onto her dad not you or the other children he deals with it all

Original poster
steppinstone · 05/10/2016 21:25

I have been trying to pass her chores into her dad. But then it becomes about ME again. Today she dumped yeterdays half eaten lunch on the side - like she does every day instead of the bin, so I have to sort through it. I just left it there all day. Although when DH asked what it was, I did say "Another thing I'm fucking sick of doing every day" so I do need to try and control myself a bit more. Sigh. So sick of it.

OP posts:
Wdigin2this · 05/10/2016 23:55

Oh gawd, the trials & tribulations of being a SM. If I'd had to have my DEntitledSD to live with me for any length of time....I'd have ended up being sectioned!
No matter what you do/don't do, say/don't say....you're automatically in the wrong!
Anyway suffice to say, we rarely see her these days...until she wants something!!!!

Original poster
steppinstone · 06/10/2016 08:52

Swing: I can tell from the texts that it was what DSD said because her mum was giving specific examples of things I had asked and saying she wasn't old enough to be doing them (cooking a meal).

I don't recall slagging off parent figures as a teen. I've always recoiled from that sort of thing because I have a very narcissistic mother who is always slagging people off and as a consequence has led a friendless lonely life. :) I've learnt from that... Maybe that's why it upsets me so much.

But when you slag people off = they dislike you. Simple equation.

OP posts:
WiseUpJanetWeiss · 06/10/2016 09:30

Not old enough to cook a meal at 18? Words fail me.

Stormtreader · 06/10/2016 09:57

So how old IS old enough to cook in her opinion? 20? 30?

ayeokthen · 06/10/2016 10:00

I was cooking meals and doing chores at home from about 11. My brother didn't, and only one of us has ever struggled to run a home, pay bills, function as an adult. My parents insisted on me learning to do these things young and I'm glad they did. No idea why my brother didn't have to, but he's a giant twat now so....

BrianCoxWithBellsOn · 06/10/2016 10:04

Soggy I have a 12 (almost 13) DD and 3 yo DS. DD does exactly that, also tells him to "grow up!!" all the time. Drives me fucking mental. So I think that could be more of a standard sibling thing, rather than step-sibling.

I'm reading this thread and can identify so much. OH and I have 4 D.C. between us. Luckily we don't live together. Mainly because I would not put up with the shit DSD pulls constantly. Things are happier as separate families.

Original poster
steppinstone · 06/10/2016 10:30

Brian I am starting to wonder if that might be best. I don't want to split up with DH AT ALL but I do think it would be easier to live separately.

OP posts:
BrianCoxWithBellsOn · 06/10/2016 20:23

I think, for us, waiting until the girls - who are the same age - are older (18ish) and less dependant is a good idea. Although, your DSD is 18, so what do I know!!!

The boys don't even feature. They're 3 and 10 and both are a joy!

hermione2016 · 06/10/2016 22:12

Stepping, my h and I are separating and a major factor is step daughter 18.She has caused issues as had unbelievable expectation of me and her dad just went along with it.
At her mum's house she is disciplined by her mum & stepdad as they operate as a team but in our house h allowed her to fracture us.

I think dad's are absolutely the worse for this. Some level of princess treatment which will not do step daughter any favours.The feeling of being let down by h is overwhelming.

At the start of the year step daughter even admitted playing her parents off against each other but h was blind to it.

I feel your pain . Step mum's to daughters need to be aware and run if they see Disney dad behaviour.

Is step daughter likely to go to Uni?

Original poster
steppinstone · 07/10/2016 07:49

Thanks Hermione. I don't think she is going to uni - basically she's so lazy she is messing up her A levels and hasn't done anything about it yet. I don't think she will get in. She hasn't got any plans although she might hang around with us.... I think I could maybe suck up another year but longer term.... I don't think I can live with it. It's so depressing. Splitting up when they are becoming adults seems so common. It should be more positive then but it seems as though we realise there is no light at the end of the tunnel. :(

OP posts:
Original poster
steppinstone · 07/10/2016 08:05

Sorry, lazy isn't really fair. It's more I think that she doesn't take responsibility for anything. So she's completely in-motivated.

OP posts:
Original poster
steppinstone · 07/10/2016 08:05

*un

OP posts:
New posts on this thread. Refresh page