Does anyone else have a DH who turns into a complete arsehole when DSC come to stay?

[Scoopmuckdizzy]

I've got 2 more weeks of his arseholery.

Please send .

Thanks.

Nope your not alone. My DH starts being a d*K from the day of arrival till a couple of days after departure. Everything I say he jumps down my throat if I speak about his child. I'm left alone while he spend time with the boy (the boy is 23). I'm not included in any plan that are made . Im made to feel like his best buddy has moved in and no longer needed but once he has gone (and the mourning period has been observed) then its back to normal till the next visit. thank god it only happens twice a year

Twice a year and you resent him for dedicating his little time with his son? You are surprised that he doesn't want to hear negative things about his son on these rare occasions?

Does this sin really give him the title of 'd*k?

How can you resent twice a year! You must have been to the same school of step parenting as my former step mum.

princess - twice a year! Count yourself lucky!!

Its twice a year because A: He lives in Wales and we live in Scotland B: His dad makes him exercise (his dad is a gym fanatic and cant stand him sitting in a room drinking and eating junk food) c: his dad makes him study for a future where he is happy to work 8 hours a week and that's all. D: He says he hates me as I see through his lies that trip from his mouth like breath. he is used to people believing his bull crap. E: I treat him like I treat my own son so that means rules and in his words he doesn't do rules or authority. When I say I cant open my mouth I don't say negative things about his son. I don't say anything to be honest I just cook his special diet that he insists he is on. No carbs but eats nothing but chips, pizza, crisps, choc and noodles, His dad looks for trouble. for example last visit they went out to the supermarket. when they came back I heard the clinking of the booze bottles and then watched as they tried to "sneak" them upstairs to the spare room like a couple of kids. Just note I don't care if he or his dad drink whatever they like. When his dad came down I laughed and said you pair would never work for MI5 as they are no good at covert mission. he asked what I meant and I said trying to sneak the bottles into the bedroom. He exploded and said what goes on in that room is nothing to do with me and I was to mind my own business. he shouts it loud enough for his son to hear . Lunar1until you know the full story please keep your opinion to your self. This has been going on from when he was 10 and he has tried not only to split my marriage but his mums as well. he is open about it and is almost please with himself for it. he has put the family in danger by taking to seriously underage girls on the internet (like 12 year old) and nearly bankrupted both parents. NYE he wanted my husband to take him to a strip club so they could "get off with strippers" and leave me alone 1 week after I had major surgery and was not to be left alone. so until you know it all please be quite

swing and lunar

You are missing the point. It's not the visit of her dss that's the issue, it's her DH's behaviour while the dss is there. How would you feel if your DH suddenly turned into another persona, basically ignoring you and treating you like a runner up in a competition because the son is there?

No-one who has their dc with them all the time does this. Certainly I know that I don't treat my dp like this all the time because my dc live with us. But when his youngest dc turns up, it's exactly the same as princess says, you are suddenly invisible and you may as well not be there.

It's not about resenting the sdc but about the change in behaviour of your dp/dh while they are there. Quite honestly, it's bloody hard work.

Mine barely acknowledges DSD's arrival and carries on being as useless / absent as ever. I sometimes wish he would do a bit of Disneying, if only so I'd have one less child to manage. Careful what you wish for, I know.....

Oh and sorry OP

Here's your

xx

so real talk: for all the step parents on this thread- is it worth the aggro? Genuine question, I've never been a step parent, my mum had a step mum though so that's the only real experience I have of it in my own family.

Oh yeah! And op lots of and

mozfan I have a lovely relationship with my oldest DSD. She's nearly 21 now and we get on very well.

My youngest DSD is being a little bitch to her dad at the moment. She won't talk to him, won't answer the phone, won't respond to texts. I am gritting my teeth at her behaviour. The last time she was here (January) they had a big row as she was here for 4 days/3 nights and DSD wanted to spend one of those nights at her friends house and dp said no as he barely sees her. He had no issue with her seeing friend during the day but didn't want to miss out on time with her in the evening/morning. She went mental at him and has refused to come here since. However, she blames me (I have no idea why, it was not my decision) but then again everything is my fault as far as she's concerned. She thinks I am the barrier to her parents getting back together despite her mum living with a new partner too and they have been split for nearly 8 years now (her mum left dp)

I have pretty much given up there and unless things change in her attitude then I will continue to take a huge back seat and keep out of things and let dp try to maintain contact in any way he can. I feel sorry for him. She's been so nasty and just won't communicate at all. He asked her mum why she won't talk to him and she never replied either.

If I had my time again I wouldn't get into a relationship with DP. For me I don't think the pro of him has been worth the con of SD. (Having said that there is a second SD who is gorgeous and with any luck elder SD will stop coming as she gets older.)

I am expecting our baby now. Things with us have been awful since I fell pregnant and tbh the only reason I am still with him is this baby. I do love him of course but SD and her mother are just so awful.

Mycatsapirate: thank you someone understands. To be honest (I must need my head testing) but I've mentioned on numerous occasions that his son should live with us. I feel as we could provide him with the boundaries, stability and guidance that is missing in his life. His dad has mentioned it but he refuses as he get an easy ride with his mum. If he moved in with us he would be made to either work full time or be in fulltime education, he would be expected to help around the house and be respectful to the other members of the household. At 23 nearly 24 I don't think this is a lot to ask but he is happy working 8 hours a week, eating his junk food (no carb) diet and sitting in a dark room paying computer games and trawling the internet for underage girls

princess - I understand too.

I think my eldest SD would be better off with us too but there is NO way I will suggest that as it would be me who would have to make all the sacrifices.

If he's in his 20s and after underage girls I'd be putting in an anonymous call to the police...

I think it was pretty much worth it but we now live in a different country from her and she is an adult.

DH went to stay with her and apparently they had a long talk about how she stopped talking to me and her brothers and it's all ticketyboo. He totally understands her choices now. When I asked him to explain, he said I'd just twist it like I always twist stuff to do with her...

That's me done after 20 years of it. If I can talk to him openly about how she treats me and he can acknowledge that yes that did happen because he fucking saw it but then they can rewrite history, that's fine.

Last week he tried to talk to me about something exciting she is doing and I asked him what he thought NC meant? He blathered and I asked if she ever asks what me or her brothers are doing? Apparently no but that's fair enough because REASONS I am not allowed to be privy to.

Wow. What honest answers. It sounds like step parents are often forgotten/blamed. It seems like such a theme that you sink into the background. for everyone sticking at it, must be fucking hard

I swing from thinking it's worth it to thinking it's not several times a week. It's not DSD that's the problem. It's her parents. Both of them. It's bloody difficult to separate my emotions towards her from my emotions towards her parents when the going gets tough though. Lots of fist clenching, teeth grinding and tongue biting etc. And I wish life wasn't like that.

I feel for all SP's who have difficulties with their partners/DSC. I certainly know what it's like living with a DisneyDad! But we don't see so much of them theses days, it's more the DSGC, and I'm trying very hard to stamp out all Disneying with them....doesn't always work though!!!

I do think confronting our DPs is important - if we have been scapegoated and blamed unfairly. I wish I'd confronted two of my DSCs too in a way. Even if it is futile for change, it might help us feel we are not completely bad or mad!

Otherwise like others have said, the 'history' of our step families, that we as SM are to blame for most things, becomes 'fact'. That can be so entrenched. My two eldest DSCs and their mother have taken my wish to have a very few limited boundaries, and made them the reasons for all their bad behaviour.

We have my DP's children every weekend. Less of a Disney dad now but still reverts to being soft at times. He's actually really lovely when the kids are here but he does miss them when they're gone and goes a bit moody. I'm glad to have the house back and some peace and quiet but I do feel a bit mean as he's clearly feeling down. I'm just about recovering then Friday comes round again ....