Photos on Facebook

[Lala1980]

Hi. I have been with DP nearly 6 years. I am admittedly a bit of a Facebook addict, but always have been. DP and his ex are having communication issues and are attending mediation. Out of nowhere, DP's ex is demanding I take all photos of my step kids off of my FB. However, I have always posted family pictures (of my own family as well as my step kids) since I have been with DP so this is nothing new, so I am unsure why a) it is suddenly a problem and b) as I have DP's permission and he is their father, if she is allowed to demand this of me? There is nothing untoward in the pictures, always fully clothed, just family day trips etc. I don't want to upset the apple cart, but she doesn't seem to mind DP or his family posting pics, just me.

A Facebook addict?

How many pictures of her children have you put up exactly?

Cos if you're anything like some of my friends, not a week passes.

I was a step-parent in a pre Facebook era. It was always a pleasure to take pictures of the whole family on holidays and days out, in the garden etc - and to show them to visitors.

Now that sharing is routinely done via social media. There are times when there are good reasons for not sharing images.

But I think if it's just about a parent trying to establish ownership and control, that is not a good reason.

There are times when there are good reasons for not sharing images.But I think if it's just about a parent trying to establish ownership and control, that is not a good reason

If you have ever been involved in any training on the problems of social media you would accept that it really is a very dangerous minefield and understand why some people don't want their children anywhere near it. Parents should have a choice i that, surely? I have no issues with my ex or his partners but I would not be happy (I will never know as they are all blocked!!) but I don't share myself. This is because one of my children is against it, however.

It would be interesting to hear if this issue has ever even raised in court proceedings over residence and contact and what the outcome was.

needs that's an intresting point. If the mother honestly didn't want pics up because of any perceived risks thst understandable - but then the mother can't post any either as it would be hypocritical and back to square one.

This is a tricky one and in some ways I can understand the want to keep pics of kids off social media. Me and DH post very occasional pics from family holidays that have us all in them (including DSD) but on the whole we feel that it's better to keep pics of kids off social media as it's creating an online persona that they haven't given any consent to and that they might feel uncomfortable with when they get to the age that they join Facebook etc. So from that perspective I can kind of see why their mum might be making the request.

I guess it depends what her reasoning is, and I would also be concerned about what she would try to control next if she gets her way on this issue. Does she post pics of her kids on social media herself? If so then it does seem more like a control thing than a reasonable request.

I think u need to block her or take them down just to avoid adding fuel to the fire, I ended up blocking ex w as it's just easier than dealing with any drama, I posted family pics up and all was fine as at the time things were relatively friendly and civil, then I used a pic of me and my dsd as my profile pic as it was just a really nice photo and didn't think it would be an issue, however realised I must of overstepped the line when half an hour later my dsd FB profile pic changed to one of her and her mum so figured that was a message to me either from dsd or her mum (mums profile pic changed to the same pic- not that we are FB friends but could see it in mutual friends newsfeed) and I realised that it was an issue so I changed it) there was other things on mutual friends post after that which I read as passive aggressive and just was easier to block to keep things private and so dsc don't feel awkward, i would go off what the dsc are comfortable with and if they are ok with what is posted, dss doesn't mind but dsd being a teen now is very particular about pics so I don't post any now unless vetted by her!

There are lots of reasons why people don't want their children put on social media. However, in this case, I wonder if she's uncomfortable purely because you're a "Facebook addict". How many photos are we talking and how many FB friends do you have? What are your privacy settings like? I wouldn't mind of it was a few photos on my child's stepmum's FB page and she had mainly friends and family with good privacy settings. I'd be less than thrilled if she was posting 20 photos a week and had 500 odd "friends" with lax settings. Only you can answer on which end of the spectrum you fall.