Should there be boundaries when it comes to ex coming to house?

[Rosewine72]

This is hard because you've of course got to consider the dcs. Me and my dp have been living together with our 4 children (2 are mine 2 are his), we've been together though for 4 years. We've had nothing but problems with his ex since living together abuse, lies, not sticking to child arrangements tbh I wouldn't anything past her to try and split us up, she's tried but not succeeded yet.

The thing that is annoying me is they have a 50/50 childcare arrangement, so it means she tars the to school at least 2 times a week if not 3, you can guarantee every morning we have a phonecall, dd needs some shoes can she pop around, dd needs a drink a water can she pop round, dd doesn't want to go to school can I drop her off see if u can persuade her I've got to get to work. And so many other reasons! She then comes round parks right outside the house, I then leave to take my dd to school , I might get abuse from her or just a glare , the dds feel uncomfortable so they are acting funny but it's almost like she does it deliberately like she knows it's annoying. We both feel she shouldn't be doing this , it is after all our house. Of course the dcs are welcome round and if it was maybe an important book or something they forgot on the odd occasion you would understand it but I just feel there should be boundaries particularly as the relationship with her is not good atm.

The problem is she does this on loud speaker so it's very hard to say no to coming around as obviously u don't want the dcs to feel unwelcome. Dp has told her to be more organised and not to come around all the time but she doesn't listen.

What would you do ?

Start popping round yourself with the kids and expecting her to serve up breakfast?? 😂

Have a conversation with the dc, explain this is silly that sometimes adults play games like this and it's wrong to enable it.

Explain that if anything is forgotten, you'll drop it to school if it's important, otherwise you'll be telling the DM that she can buy water, buy tea and buy breakfast just as easily as you can. And perhaps she ought to plan and prepare better for her own childre

This is a game that is going to be stopped.

Be out, phones off/no answering the door.

I know this would probably just can the flames but as your dp knows her best, has he considered telling her that if she can't cope then the dc are going to have to live with him? As in, he's concerned about her as it's so often that she's forgetting stuff, is she ill etc.

Well the funny thing is armfulofroses when she split with her husband for a month she decided she wanted her dds full time. Up to a few months ago she dropped 2 nights a week and they stayed with us, even then she didn't seem to cope , asking us to pick them up on her days and then coming here once she finished work or whatever it was.

It is looking like he's going for a court order for more consistency and we have been informed we can include she mustn't come round to our property unnecessarily and that she should be more organised. This will take time though and I'm not sure what happens if she was to break it.