How did you manage DSC and new DC?

[goodtimesroll]

My DP has a 4 year old from a previous relationship. He is with us eow. He is a lovely boy and I have a good relationship with him.

When he is with us we do so much with him, it's so full on as we are trying to make the most of the little time we have with him. Especially my DP, he puts his heart and sole into making the weekend fun, active, interesting, full of learning and laughter for his little boy. This is obviously great. However, now that we are thinking of having our own children soon I am really concerned about how this would work. Would my children essentially only have their Dad eow (when dss isnt with us)?! Im struggling to see how it will balance but maybe I'm worrying for no reason and it will just "work". I'm concerned that our children will miss out maybe particularly in the early days and I'll be left holding the newborn on my own eow ;-)

I guess DSS would be at least 5 if we are successful having a baby.

Would love to hear of your experiences with this!

I think I read somewhere that the ideal sibling age gap was under 18 months or more than 5 years.

Interesting. Maybe that will explain why having a 1 year old, a 3 year old and a 5 year old is hard work! . Not that I didn't know that already or anything.
All that said, they are wonderful and they are so worth it.

GoodTimes - I think you're so conscious of how your DSS feels that you can't help but make this a success too.

I didn't feel that I was split off from the rest of the family when DS came along, though there was a little inflexibility from the exW (which I do understand). We just mucked in and got through it.

How often does life turn out exactly how you imagine? None of the important stuff did with me. Having a child is awesome -and knackering and frustrating and bewildering- and nothing else in life is quite like it. Continue giving your DSS a loving, welcoming home and everything else will follow.

Thank you very much everyone - this has been so helpful X

Hi Goodtimesroll

You sound very caring and clearly want this to work if you decide to have a baby. It may not be easy, but your existing good relationship with your step son is a good foundation on which to build. Explain and involve your step son as much as possible when you are pregnant, keep reassuring him you both love him and will continue to do so once the new baby is born. He may be excited to have a new brother or sister. The main thing is to show both children lots of love and talk to them about their concerns.

Mrschef - your DPs priority should be both his children.

Your post is pathetically sad for his DS, you have your world and as long as it works for you, a little boy is sidelined in your life and going to be even more sidelined made to fill second class and less worthy than the new sibling.

DSS - sorry no weekend with Dad because I have a new kid and we do not want you around - you are both selfish beyond belief.

He feels insecure - no shit, of course he does, you and his father really just tolerate him in your lives.

Are you seriously going to continue with your DSS on a campbed whilst your child has all the luxuries.

Your DP is a parent 365 days of the year not every other weekend, shame he does not grow up and you realise this.

Such a sad existence for your DSS