Small rant

[Findingpeace]

I'm finding this step-parenting business really hard right now. And my DSD is 18 years old! I love her but she is so difficult at the moment. She's making such bad decisions and is so lazy. It feels like a war in my house at the moment.

I've been living with DH and his 2 DDs for 6 years now and it just doesn't get easier. Well, maybe there's been short periods of it being good.

I feel tired now. DSDs are 21 and 18 now and I feel the stress should greatly lessen, but it hasn't. It makes me resentful of my DH...for bringing this stress into my life. I tried to talk to him yesterday about how I've been feeling and now I've hurt and angered him. Mainly around me telling him I dream about moving back to my old house (which I'm renting out) where there is no stress and walking on egg shells and leave him and them to it. Sometimes I feel like my life has become all about supporting him and them while my needs go un-noticed.

Sorry for the woe is me...I don't always feel like this, just struggling right now.

Sorry to respond to the hijack! Yes Paulo I do sometimes think that I'd like to live with him and that somehow our relationship isn't 'proper' because we don't live together. We've been together nearly 4 years too and things are unlikely to change for another 5-10 years at least.

At weekends when he is home with his DCs and they meet up with his friends or family I do feel a bit left out and wish that I was part of that life. However, other times when we are invited along to family gatherings and I don't fancy it or I just want a bit of peace, I realise how lucky we are to have our own space.

When he arrives at my front door after a couple of days and I'm so pleased to see him that my stomach flips and we have a smooch and a cuddle, I really appreciate that little bit of time to miss him.

We are having separate holidays this year, we did try to book something for all of us but it didn't work out with school commitments etc so ended up going our separate ways for family holidays. Part of me is sad that we won't get to share the fun, but a little part of me also realises this is by far the simplest way and least likely to end in tears!

I feel like I'd appreciate the chance to put our relationship on another level, perhaps an engagement party or some sort of formal declaration of our love for each other, as a marriage won't be happening any time soon, but ideally we'd keep a bit of distance, at least until the DCs are all grown up and less needy

MarkRuffalo you are IMHO, doing exactly the right thing. You're relationship will have a better chance of making it, if you live apart for some time yet! Wait until the DC are older....left home even, before you set up together!

Ohhh I feel for you, I'm just at the beginning of the teenage years with my dsc my own dd is 13 help! I can deal with my own though but as someone else said u can't really control your step children the same.

Is your dp quite supportive though ? He sounds as though he is but no u can't have the kids talking to u like that , I'm dreading another 6 years of this x

mark I think you're doing the right thing too! Of course there will be some issues that come from not living together but you don't have the daily stress of living with dsc that you essentially have no influence on, even having lived together for many years.

rosewine yes my DH tries to be supportive and he wants me to be happy too but often he can't understand how I'm feeling. Birth parents have sooo much more tolerance for their children's bad behaviour then SP's, even though I love both the girls. I think all of this wouldn't have been so hard if my DH didn't leave me home alone with them every evening to go to his evening job. This not a job our family needs to pay the bills, this is something he does because he loves it. So from the time I moved in I was on my own with two teens, 12 and 15. His view is 'what's the big deal, they aren't children you have to take care of'! I'm unsure why I put up with it for so long? I suppose it's a testament to my love? Or maybe I was a naive fool? All I know is the youngest is 18 now and I'm tired of it. I'm looking for some peace.

rosewine do the DSC live with you full-time? I always wonder how life would have been different if DSD's mum stepped up to the plate and acted responsibly and I only saw them weekends.

Well the mum changes her mind it's supposed to be 50/50 but it then started being they started to stay here more , it's gone back to 50/50 now but how long for I don't know. I realising how hard it is , I mean I have control over my own children if I don't like their behaviour I can tell them and try teach them what's right. I can't really with the dsc things that bother me don't bother my dp. He doesn't really get the bitchyness that goes on between the girls either. The mother has very little to do with their school life etc, but she slags me off which makes me feel even worse x