Husband spending too much time with DSD

[MrsBetty]

My DSD is 21 with 3 small children and another on the way. Her live-in boyfriend is currently in prison for the 2nd time. Everyone except hubby thinks she should have dumped him ages ago. Hubby thinks he'll change, but as he was re-arrested while out on tag I doubt it.
The problem is hubby is staying overnight with DSD 3-4 nights a week. Her mum only stays once a week because she has DSS ages 16-18 and lives further away. I've asked why hubby has to stay so often, he says it's to help DSD. He's not really doing much to help, though, as DSD children have gone to bed by the time he arrives and he doesn't take them to school in the morning. Also, he doesn't let me know he'll be staying there until early evening.
I'm disabled, mostly housebound and left on my own while hubby is away. Also he doesn't do any of the housework that I can't manage and I'm stuck here amidst filth. But that's a separate issue!
I've tried compromising by suggesting fixed nights when he stays there so at least I know what's going on. DSD told him she could manage with him there one night a week, but then phones him whenever she feels like it and asks him to stay. Neither of them have stuck to any of the agreements I thought we'd made and I'm starting to feel like a doormat. Hubby knows I'm unhappy but has said he'll carry on supporting DSD.
Any suggestions? Am I being unreasonable? I feel like I'm going mad!

Maybe his daughter has emotional or mental health issues that means she takes priority over limited mobility issues. That does not make him a crap husband. That makes him a great father.
We really shouldn't be pointing the shit husband finger at anyone when we know so little about it.

His daughter is alone, with young children and pregnant, partner in prison and struggling. What the hell does it matter if he's going there to help with the children or if they're in bed when he gets there.
Maybe she just wants her dad there for HER. You don't stop needing your parent because you can feed, bath and get your kids into bed.

I personally am ok in the daytime with my kids to keep me busy, but when the night comes I want my Mom. I'm a fully grown woman and I want my mom. I'm having a hard time right now and nobody can make me feel better like my mom does.

OP, if your husband is there for his daughter then her situation obviously takes priority at this moment in time. For whatever reason. Go with him to her house.

Msmommie I agree! You have said the same as me!

It's not unreasonable to ask for notice when he stays out though.
If there was enough notice or fixed nights then OP could make other arrangements-
for example- going to visit a friend or having a relative to stay.
But waiting in every night for someone who may or may not come home would be hard for me to cope with.

People found through anxiety, loneliness and depression can't really predict or give notice of what days are going to be good and what days are going to be bad.

He has give the OP notice, he's said that when his daughter needs him, he will be there for her. He's going to "continue supporting her" is that the OP said. That's notice enough. Or at least it should be.

Seasons change, i think her OH has made it quite clear that right now, his child needs him more. Once the bad patch is through with, it will be back to normal.
With the continued support, his daughter will get through it. I think he is doing the right thing.

VertigoNun - do you realise the OP hasn't been back since your post?