this is ao silly but it annoys me...

[Neverenuff]

This is so silly and I know I need to grow up but I can t help that it annoys me. I was sitting next to my do for ages tonight then I got up for like 20 seconds to let the dog out and and dps son jumps to my seat cuddles in to his dad with no intention of moving. I'm annoyed because dp thinks this was cute. I find it rude. I feel dp should have said you'll need to move once 'never' comes back.

I know it's silly. Its what kids do. There was just no need and it just makes me feel a bit pushed out I suppose. Oh well shower and early night for me. I can't be bothered trying to explain to dp for the hundredth time that I feel his son is rude towards me and makes me feel unwelcome.

[Itisbetternow]

Poor child. He is 9 and wants to sit with his dad. My two are constantly playing musical chairs when I stand up. I'm currently going through a divorce and I so hop that my STBXH partner doesn't get jealous of my two cuddling up to their dad as I will be really sad. Also Friday nights - of course the child is wound up. In his ideal world he would like his parents to be together and to not have to know you. He has left his mum and is now with his dad - it is hard for him. A sad consequence of separated families.

[Wibhay]

I totally get how you are feeling op as the same thing used to happen with me and my ex. I'd feel totally left out and like Disney dad would let dss rule the house whilst he was there. Just chill and make sure you have a nice evening and do something you want

[TheDowagerCuntess]

Its just annoyed me a bit. I'm not going to fall out over the kid wanting a cuddle from his dad. It's more the way it's done.

Well, how should it be done? You say in your OP that you were sitting next to your OP for ages before you got up.

It sounds like his son was waiting patiently, and then grabbed his chance. It doesn't sound like you're being particularly fair, in terms of hogging your DP.

I realise this is an anonymous rant, but really, you're not being at all reasonable - on this point at least.

[MiddleClassProblem]

DP sat next to her. Which must happen a lot because it seems DS is always nicking her seat. Don't know why DP sits down last.

[NickiFury]

I can't believe you've got any agreement that it's ok to feel like this. It's one of the silliest things I have ever read on here. I've got a 9 year old who likes to sit with her Dad. The thought that there are grown women that would feel the way you describe about her doing this is pretty worrying tbh.

[MeridianB]

Never, you made it clear you're just venting so I think you've had some really unnecessary comments from a few people.

It's fine to vent. We all need it. Don't feel bad.

I used to have seat-stealing and decided to just not sit with DH at all on DSD nights.

[ewbank]

If you're annoyed by this you may as well end the relationship now, because it is doomed.

[Penfold007]

The children probably see dad every other weekend and access time is for them to see their parent not his new partner, this is hard and must seem unfair.
Children hate public displays of affection between parents but between parent and girl/boyfriend is beyond disgusting to them. Especially if they are the OW or OM.

Let the children have their dad during access visits, hopefully their general behaviour will improve.

[januarybrown1998]

Why don't you be the bigger person? He's 9 and wants to cuddle his dad.

Couldn't you say on Friday ,'Come on, DSD, you sit here next to your dad, you haven't seen him all week, bet you're dying for a cuddle.'

Try putting yourself in his shoes. He is there for a short time, his dad's affections have moved outside his family unit and he's probably finding that rather difficult.

If you resent him now it doesn't bode well long-term. Your DP comes as a package.

[junebirthdaygirl]

Do you have children of your own? As this can happen in all families not just sc. If you accept that then it's nothing to do with you just what kids do. I remember doing it to my own dad many years ago. It's a natural instead to crawl in beside a parent.

[TheDowagerCuntess]

Couldn't you say on Friday ,'Come on, DSD, you sit here next to your dad, you haven't seen him all week, bet you're dying for a cuddle.'

I bet you'd get a lot less of him referring to you as she/her, if you did this.

It might not improve your relationship overnight, but if you continued this sort of thing, I'm sure it would go a long way.

[swingofthings]

Were you right to be annoyed? Yes, it is annoying when ANYONE does this.

Is it easy to avoid? Indeed, as suggested above.

[Neverenuff]

Honestly I agree it's so silly of course the kid wants to hug his dad. Its not even resentment. It's just I feel like this on top of a million other things that happen with dss, I feel it's so rude.

But at the same time I'm not going to not sit beside my dp because the kids don't want me to. That's rediculous.

[TheDowagerCuntess]

You're a better person that me, Never - I freely admit that I couldn't be with a man with young children (not that it's an option, but theoretically).

It's a huge, massive commitment and giving of oneself that I honestly don't think I'm capable of. I can see women who are capable and who do it well, and I think they're amazing. In fact, 'amazing' doesn't go anywhere near far enough.

[OneEpisode]

If I popped to the loo and my own dd, same age, came into the room and sat in my chair next to my drink, when I got back I'd move her. She'd expect to be moved & if she'd noticed the drink she wouldn't have sat there.
I can see why you're annoyed at this game!

Can you have something to look forward to on Friday evenings if these seem the worst time at the moment? Evening class, time with friends?

[CalicoBlue]

It is usually the small things that seem one too far. I do understand how you feel.

My DSS ignores me, which I am used to and don't have a problem with. He will sometimes call his father out of the room to talk to him. When Dh comes back in, he will say that it was to ask for a packet of crisps or something else pretty innocuous. That can make me feel cross, I have learnt to let it go now.

[JerryFerry]

I agree with iwantanewcar about transition times. My own children are steamed up when they come home from their father's, they always need some time to adjust.

I imagine the 9yo is grappling to fit in. It's not cool of your partner to allow his son to be rude to you though, that will not end well.

[MiddleClassProblem]

But at the same time I'm not going to not sit beside my dp because the kids don't want me to. That's rediculous

Wow. Not ridiculous but caring and sensitive to their needs and time together. You get to. Sit next to him every day they are not there! It's not like it would be forever. Empathy of a gnat. Maybe if you thought about them a little more DSS wouldn't be so rude in other situations. He was his before he was yours and here you come stuck to his side.

[LeotardoDaVinci]

I'll just move to accommodate everyone else

That's what being a parent/step-parent is about!

[neonrainbow]

Just because your a stepmum didn't mean you should be expected to give up your seat every time you get up. Sounds like its part of a patternof wider behaviour which is subtly undermining you. Just because you're not in competition with dsc doesn't mean he isnt competing with you. Does your dsc do stuff with dp without you? I always absent myself for a bit on weekends when dsc is here so he gets plenty of one on one with dp. I would have just come back in and said ere dsc budge up and then all squashed up togethet on the sofa.

[Riderontheswarm]

It sounds like you think of his DS as your competition for your DP's attention.

[Neverenuff]

I'm not going to feel like that in my own home though. No one should be put out. I do so much to allow them time alone with dad. I'm not going to pussy foot about because his kids come to stay. I'm more than aware of their needs and the time they need with dad.

I think some of you are missing the point that it was a rant. I am FULLY aware of the pettiness .But you are turning it round like I'm some kind of monster who won t let the kids near their dad. That is most definitely not the case.

[redskirt3]

You're not being silly or unreasonable. It's about wanting to be treated with respect. I wouldn't let one of my own kids pinch my seat or my partner's seat. They can be taught to sit on the other side/sit on the floor/ask for a turn on that seat/sit on the parent's lap ie multiple other options. I think you would benefit from finding some ways to address it with your partner as it will fester otherwise.

[FreshHorizons]

IT isn't something that I could get upset about- if it does matter can't you just make a jokey comment and get your seat back?

[MiddleClassProblem]

Imagine DP brought another woman into the house. He didn't have sex with her or kiss her but was affectionate and she was around a lot. She would sit next to him on the sofa and just be there in general for the weekends. Even if she left you and DP on your own for a bit, as soon as she came back in, there she is. It's the same feeling they get around you. If you back off and and try to develop a separate relationship with them that doesn't make them feel you are a wedge between them. Once they are more comfortable having you around and you have an independent relationship with them, all the rudeness is less likely to happen and you can sit with DP sometimes.