How do I suggest

[Letitgoletitgo]

That he stops calling them?!

I have 2 dcs, aged 4 and 6. Their dad calls them almost every night either in my mob or via face time. The problem is they are just not interested in talking to him! No matter what, I end up having to put speaker phone on and end up attempting to facilitate a conversation as they simply don't listen or want to speak to him - usual thing is to say their day was great and that they've finished. I then end up having to tell them off for not speaking nicely to their dad, and it ruins my evening with them.

How can I suggest to him that maybe he doesn't need to call all the time, without sounding like a complete cow?! The calls are far more for him than them, they love their time with him but it really is out of sight, out of mind for them still.

I've tried us calling him rather than him us, to make sure they are sitting down, not distracted etc, prepped them before hand, but it still goes the same. He also still expects a call every night from them.

It feels like I get home from work to the kids at 4.30 and by 5.30 weve had the call from dad resulting in me having a go at them and then ruins my evening with them.

Any suggestions? How can I make him see that less frequent calls might be better?! Or how can I make the calls better and less stressful for me?!

Mine have done this since they were 3 and 1, and it's been nightly now for 6 years. 7pm their dad rings. Some nights they literally say "hello, bye, love you". Other nights they talk about school.

Either way as their dad he gets to have that good night voice if he wants.

It doesn't have to be a long phone call. Not seeing your children for 12 days, I admire he wants to speak to them inbetween.

Set a time (eg 7pm) and see how the kids do. If it's short, then at least he's heard their voice. Don't tell them off. But don't end that contact imo.

^ YY to the PP

You probably want to support his enthusiasm to talk to his kids every night. I see that you feel the pressure to facilitate the contact, but it would work better if you can step back. After all, if he was there in person sometimes they would engage,sometimes not. FaceTime with its pictures probably works better than just a phone. Let them engage or not as they want. It will work out. xx

Step back OP and don't interfere with the calls.

Whether it's a 30 second call or a 20 minute call is irrelevant. He's their dad and that connection is vital. Don't even think about severing it or interfering with it.

Please stop telling your DC's off. They have emotions too. They will learn how to converse as they get older. It will come with time.

I had this from my XH initially and my dc were similarly disinterested in having phone conversations. Eventually he lost interest in calling them all the time and I was glad because actually, I found it very intrusive on my time with them. Conversely, he was very critical of me not calling them but whenever I did, they would end up crying and begging me to come and get them which was upsetting for me and them so I stopped.

DP's ex still insists on calling DSC whenever we have him which I find bizarre since he's not gone that long from her and she's often booking babysitters on her weekends anyway . Having said that, when I first met DP, he was calling his DS every day and getting upset when he wouldn't talk back. He seems to have stopped doing this as much now though.

I would do as PPs suggested and leave them to it rather than trying to facilitate.