Can the bm ban me from seeing my step kids?

[ths20]

I came home last weekend and my step kids were staying. I spotted antibiotics on the kitchen table, I asked who they were for and the kids said they were for their younger brother ( their mum's latest child from a new relationship ) but she was giving them to her older boy as he has a cough. I refused to give him them as they are not prescribed to him and checked the label clearly said his brothers name. I messaged their mum to say that I was reluctant to give medication that's not prescribed to the child and that not taking antibiotics as prescribed by the doctor is potentially dangerous. I had a horrible reply telling me I was nothing to the kids, stay out of it etc. I should have not reacted but did and got cross saying if I was nothing to the kids then I would not bother to nit comb them anymore but can she please do it as I am sick of them bringing headlice round here. Next thing she is at my door demanding that I wake the kids up and she took them home. I'm now banned from seeing them. My partner is lovely but won't say anything to her.Plus he works 5 night shifts and has his kids weekends so I won't see him now. :(

To be honest OP maybe you just needed to get it off your chest. Maybe it wasn't the worst thing saying 'Hello! I am not invisible!'. You were in a situation where you were the person 'in charge' and there was possible harm from the antibiotics. The kids will need to see that you are able to say no. Yes, it probably wasn't your finest moment losing it - their mum probably feels very threatened and criticised. She shouldn't have just turned up and got the kids though, or not allowed you to see them.

For a moment try to step back, is she really the worst mother? I don't know enough from your posts. Yes it's not great about the shoes, why not just buy them shoes? I have just bought my step kids clothes when they needed them. I have also got nits from my step kids hair. Headlice isn't necessarily a sign of neglect, they can be really hard to get rid of. My step kids mum did things that I felt weren't great for her kids, but then I can see she does love them.

However if you really do feel that there is a lot of neglect here, then I would be talking to your DP about getting greater custody.

I have got them shoes and clothes to keep at mine. The nits isn't a big deal but when I ask the kids if their mum checks them they say no she doesn't even had a nit comb. That's why I get so fed up. I know she loves them dearly or she wouldn't have reacted the way she did. I've got to learn to keep my trap shut and remember it's not my place.

Your problem isn't the children, it isn't the mum ( birth mum is not needed she is just mum) your problem is your BF.

He should be parenting HIS children. He should be the one who speaks to mum.....what are you the weekend hired help?

I understand the difficulties with working shifts, my ex and I have 50-50 which is tough for him as he works 4 13 hour shifts but it is doable. He never remembers to de-nit the children either so instead of stressing about it I just bought a nitty gritty comb and do them all ( we have 4 DC) once a week on my days. It keeps it under control and I am not constantly nagging the ex.

You BF needs to talk to his ex, just because she maybe lax at parenting doesn't give him the right to be either. It isn't your job to manage his children.

No she has no right to say who he leaves the children with unless she wants to go down the legal route and claims he is an unfit parent.

However, what I would suggest is that he send any potentially inflammable texts in the future.

As step parents we are left with all the responsibilities of childcarers with none of the protection, training, rights or pay. And often without the support of both parents. It is hell on earth. Let your partner know what's happening and let him deal with it would be my advice