The other parent!

[LONC2012]

I have been with my partner for over 2 years now, we both have a child of our own and one together.
My partner has his daughter pretty much at every opportunity he gets which is near enough every other weekend and would only change due to work.
Anyway recently we have starts to receive messages from his child's mother to say that she has gone home to 'complain' about the sleeping arrangements we have in place. We usually get these messages a good 3-4 days after she has gone home and when she is here she never complains, baring in mind she is 4.
At the moment my son sleeps in a high sleeper bed and when she stays we have a toddler blow up air bed with a bumper round the side, which we cover with a soft blanket and she has a princess duvet, she always looks cosy and never complains. Her mum seems to think it is a camp bed and has now told us if we don't get bunk beds she isn't letting her come stay with us?! Any ideas on what we can do? Money doesn't grow on trees and we can't afford to just go buy bunk beds and two mattresses and get rid of my sons bed which isn't even a year old!
Also when my partner asks to have her for the weekend she asks her daughter if she wants to come? Surely it shouldn't be a choice at 4 years old, children change their mind by the minute?!

Really at my wits end, please say I'm not the only step mother that faces these problems? My parents have been split from me being s young age and I never had a permenant room or bed at my dads, never bothered me?

Ahh!

I think there's a lot of people being unnecessarily harsh and judgemental on the OP. She may only have two small bedrooms? We were in a situation early on where we were in a two bed house which I had bought before my DH was on the scene and therefore my DSS had to sleep on a temp bed when he came to stay (my DSD had our bed and we slept on a sofa bed downstairs, we did try to put her on a temp bed too but she complained to her mum as you've said happened to you). Thankfully we now have a three bed house with bunks for my DS and DSS and my DSD has room to herself. I think as long as you are working towards getting her a bed (and more importantly to a firm arrangement for contact where she is not asked if she wants to come or not) then that's fine.

Though really you were not asking for advice on that, but rather support in the difficult situation of having your arrangements complained about and dictated on my your DPs ex. It is horrible and very annoying when they seem okay at yours and then complain after. Its happened to us a lot and you always wonder if the child's mum is dragging it out of her and whether she is really upset about it. She's 4, its unlikely she is the one to bring this up with her mum. His ex can't and shouldn't prevent access on these grounds and you could seek legal redress if she did.

I agree that others are being a bit harsh too OP. I have a two bedroomed flat, fine for me and my DD but not so good for me, my DD, my DP and my 3 DSC. I make temporary measures every Saturday night with cushions, pillows, blankets etc. They never complain- always look comfortable and warm too. We are looking at houses ATM, until then this is the best we can do with the space we have, just wouldn't be practical to have 4 beds in her small room, especially as we have no intention to stay here. When we move we will have girls rooms and boys rooms. Is this something you could do? Do you have the space? I also agree that permanent days need to be put in place, that way you can accommodate her fairly.

In your place OP, I wouldn't want to sell your DS's bed and buy bunks either, but......in the interests of treating the children fairly, I think you really should. Then your DP should robustly tackle the visitation question, get it on a regular even keel, so that his child doesn't get asked, because she knows exactly where she is each week!