Hard on step parents

[Matilda2013]

This forum has made me a little wary about what people expect of step parents. I am lucky to have a partner who does not expect me at any point to have his daughter as it is my duty. I do however love spending time with her and feel as though now that I live with him we should try and do things fairy between us and that I can look after her if he has to work/ has football/ has a night out (even if I do claim the occasional long lie). Unfortunately though people always seem to have an opinion, whether it's on here or its friends or family on what Step parents should or should not be doing. Even dps mum suggested I should not be staying in the house with a sleeping dsd (dad put her to bed) and whilst he goes to the pub for an hour and I watch a movie even if he very rarely goes it at weekends as we have her every weekend as apparently "I let him away with too much".

Do other step parents get opinions from everyone???

Does anyone think like me sometimes....wouldn't it have been easier if we'd all have been able to stay with the fathers of our children?
Well I definitely couldn't have done, and I would imagine most women on MN would say the same...but sometimes I think the, inevitable 'your child, my child' aspect of blended families is so wearing!

Matilda...if the EW is only 25, of course she's going to appreciate having every weekend to go out/socialise and basically do as she pleases! And I'm definitely not suggesting she isn't a good mum, or that she doesn't love her DC, but she has the weekly care of 'their' child, so I guess she sees it as fair that DF has weekend care of 'their' child! I also think you're amazing to be willing and happy to have your DP's child every weekend, that must certainly restrict your family lifestyle, so your DP and his child should count themselves lucky to have you!!

Wdigin - YES I do! It is so much better all round I think, if you can stay together and bring up your own kids. Choosing a good partner is much more important than I ever realised - I would never go back to mine but I wish I'd chosen someone more suited.

Matilda - the only thing I'd be a little wary of... I also was fine about DSCs children every weekend for the first year or so - until I realised that the kids did need more 'mum' time - weekdays they weren't getting enough. There were all sorts of issues that the kids could have really benefited from their mum stepping up - weekends where when boyfriend trouble/clashes etc all came out! Of course their Dad is great with them, but they need both. And they won't take the same parenting from you as a step mum.

Yeah I didn't particularly mean to post sad just someone asked if dsds mum would be sad now she's at school to not ever have her at weekends. The school part is new to us and dsds mum is just about to start a new job now she's finished studying to won't be working all weekend like previously. So there may be a little learning to take place just now however at the moment it may actually work better because we are human and we are social so sometimes we have events to attend and normally have to find a babysitter but now she can have time with mum instead (although I'm not sure if parent time is preferable to a "sleepover with granny" to dsd). And k888 at 4 I'm hoping the bf problems are a little further off (although I have been informed when daddy isn't around that she has two bfs and a gf)

With regards to staying with the dad of your kids, that's what I always imagined in life but it seems that doesn't always work. I was known for telling my dp though that if ever they found a way to get along and thought they could make it work id happily step back so dsd had her family again. He thought it was crazy

k888 , that's very much my experience if having DSC come every weekend too. They're not so close to their mum as she gets very little proper relaxed time with them. They're out the house from 7.30 til 5.30 each day and with us Friday to Sunday evening. I sometimes feel that neither of their parents is really filling the role of primary carer. And as they get older it's having that time to chat, give advice, etc which is so vital. The kind of parenting you need to do with teens is less easily split on a timeshare basis, as you need a close relationship if they're going to tell you what's going on in their lives.

My own DC go to their dad's EOW which I personally think works better overall.

I do understand that it may not always work well for dsd to be here every weekend but while we can we love having her here plus who else gets as excited as me to go to the library on a Saturday morning? (Plus if she isn't there I don't think I can join in with arts and crafts)