DP- could have put money on this happening

[alwaystryingtobeafriend]

So a while back my dp had a proper ding song with his ex and as always 'she's not their mum' came up. Me and dp have talk at length about this and each time his response is - don't speak to kids be polite and just do your own thing- so I do - I don't watch the kids . Pretty much stop doing so much. I have point blank refused to do pick ups unless it suits me. After ex having g her rants about me she then says 'could always not just pick kids up/ drop kids off'
I'm not being funny but one minute I'm not good enough to look after her kids but when she needs me to do stuff she calls me childish and immature for refusing .(and yes I am fully aware its slightly immature)

but every time after a few weeks dp forgets our chat. And now here I am watching dsd while he and dss take the dog out.

its not that I dont like the kids. Its just that I feel I'm being taken for granted. He never asked me to watch dsd and just assumed I would. It pisses me off. I'm not a bloody live in babysitter.

I'm just ranting but I'm pissed off.

If you're not happy to stay in the house with your DP's daughter whilst he walks the dog, I would say this relationship is absolutely not for you.

What a nightmare for those poor kids.

There should be no question of you doing favours for his ex. Favours for him yes but not for her. He needs to stop engaging with her what happens in your home is your business not hers why is he listening to her whining about things you say or do?
Personally I couldn't live like you do. Being a step parent is testing enough at the best of times, without full support from dp it would be a nightmare

Yes I agree with hampster you are not there for her convenience. I was lucky as my DH would put his foot down when it got too outrageous. But then if he hadn't I wouldn't have stayed. The thing is you are either a part of the kids life, or you aren't. If you are then it's reasonable to offer to help out occasionally but the reverse of this is you need to build a relationship with them (I found a kind of 'auntie' type role worked for me) and this includes being allowed to talk to them. But you should not be expected to be thoughtlessly dumped with them for hours at a time at other people's behest. While your other half walks the dog or something for half an hour should be ok. But also the actual parents need to make it clear they expect good behaviour towards you and they need to be doing the disciplining if they don't. This works both ways in both houses. If they are not prepared to do this or to discuss what your house rules are then I would not stay in the relationship. It is hard work but mutual compromise and some tolerance all round has to be central. Good luck

Op I may be way off the mark here, but do you think his ex gets annoyed that HE isn't being responsible for them, and maybe she thinks he should do more rather than you?