It's the next day AIBU?

[Mommyusedtobecool]

So my 10 yr old dss was quite rude to me yesterday, when I asked him.calmly and kindly, why he threw an apple at a neighbours son in the face. ( the boy is about 5 years older than dss but very kind)..
In response dss said 'I'd be waiting a very long time for a response' and that 'i don't know anything' Dp hovered and listened in, then asked him in his language (which I don't speak) and then shrugged the whole matter off like it was no big deal. And his indignant response to me was no big deal either.
But dp wouldn't let my own ds talk to me like that or even dsd.
Now they're happily back in the swing of things but I'm not, I don't want to talk to dp or dss. AIBU?!

Its good that your recognise this OP. Really good. Too many women minimise and excuse unacceptable behaviour from partners.

Do you know what your next step is? Will you have to leave your house or will he?

and fix things beyond my ability

Well as the mother figure this is often the case in a household. But you are taking on this mantle (and others are happy for you to have it).

Some counseling to help you to start putting yourself first And to enable you to speak your mind whenever you want to - reasonably not shouting. eg when DP spoke to DSS nothing wrong with saying that the core throwing behavior was cruel bullying and taking advantage of the good temper of a lovely lad. or whatever. That's a fact surely. Learn to take deep breaths and speak your mind then you aren't storing the anger with DH.

This is the headachey bit.
But because I feel my health just couldn't handle going through all that again.
I'm just considering packing enough in a bag and going. I'll go to my mums I think and then plan my next move from there.
I think I'm having a break down.
Ive just literally woken up this morning and its hit me like a bulldozer.
I need to be far far away before I can let myself safely full apart and put myself back together again. At the moment every part of my being is just telling me I need to get out right now like an alarm. I'm literally laying in bed (next him although I'm not speaking) I'm waiting for my headache to clear, then I'm going to leave the house.
He doesn't even deserve an explanation.
He needs to work it out. Not wasting anymore energy.

Oh Mommy - I'm so sorry that you're in such a painful state - but I do agree that it's time to go, if you can. Your own sons, and indeed your little ones, need to be away from this toxic situation where your DSS basically gets to do whatever the fuck he wants with no comeback. I feel sad for your DSD, as I'm sure you do too, but really you have to worry more about the other children now, and your own health/sanity.

Going to your Mum's sounds like a great idea, is she supportive and helpful? Will she look after you?

Yes go to your mum's, this sounds like quite an urgent situation tbh. Go to your mum's and when you feel a bit better/less panicky make an appointment with GP and ask about some counselling. Just a tip though, when you are packing, make sure to take passports, birth certificates, bank stuff etc.

Dss just came and apologised.
This is a huge ray of Hope. For him and dp parenting. My 'being mummy' part says "well done both of you"
My 'being me part' says I need to go to the bathroom and cry myself apart quietly.
Then get out and get alot of air.

Maybe, just maybe, they realise that they've gone too far this time?
Don't big it up too much, and take the time you need. Make them realise that one apology doesn't make up for all the shit you've put up with so far.

It is a positive step though, just hope it leads to more positive steps, rather than just being a sop to "calm you down".

Mommy if you need to go to your mum's then go. Either way I think it would be worth you seeing your GP on Monday and talk to them. You sound utterly exhausted.

"Feel like I just can't mentally stretch myself selflessly anymore."

I totally, totally sympathise with you in this situation. Firstly, I think that we have to parent our step kids. Maybe gently at first, better if agreed with OH etc etc. But the bottom line, even if OHs do not agree - I cannot live as an adult in a household ignoring behaviour that any child does that hurts or upsets others.

Throwing an apple at another child is not on at all. If you were there and no one else was dealing with it, of course you had to deal with it. That you were really cross is probably partly the DSS and partly the undermining you felt from DP. Although I'd avoid silent treatment, just be openly cross for a while, get it out! Tell both DSS and DP that you felt that it was quite bad and are not convinced that DSS has understood and shown any remorse. That you felt DSS should have apologised and shown he knew that it was wrong.

If there is any way that you can get your DP to understand. But to be honest I've tried this with my OH - and we are now separated! He started to excuse DSS behaviour of ignoring and being rude to both me and my son, and it never got resolved. It wasn't the only reason we are not together, but finally I thought I've got to protect myself and my two sons, I can't have them growing up in a bad atmosphere. Er.. hope this helps!