I am crying over a photo frame.

[CoolAs10Fonzies]

I am at home with two youngest dsc.

my dd is at her dads and dp is at hobby with eldest dsc.

This was all arranged and ok.

dsc arrived yesterday for two weeks. normally it's one week on one week off.

that's the background.

This morning, 30 mins after dp left I went for a very quick bath. came downstairs and saw that a photo frame (bought brand new yesterday) had been broken, not only broken but had been stuffed in the bin!

I am just so upset at the complete disregard for me or our house and the things in it.

I asked the boys if they had something to tell me and they both just gave me blank looks, so when I mentioned broken item they told me. Not even an ounce of remorse.
I asked why they thought it ok to break things and then hide it, tried to explain that I was upset with them for doing so....nothing!

This seems a minor thing but on top of all the rest I am just not convinced I can do this anymore.

I am a ghost in this house and it upsets me so much.

I am going to speak with dp when he gets home, he needs to do something.
I am fed up with being the person who does all this nice stuff for everyone only to be met with complete disregard

I do understand how you feel though - I have a ds who is 6 and similar issues. X

sorry I should add that they do not play the playstation as such, they watch videos like minecrafy (stabbylongnose) and the youngest watches my little pony...they don't know how to play games on it.

I should have said previously and that's why I was annoyed, because dp replaced like for like imo

Shit, I thought they were teenagers. You are massively overreacting.

Punishing a 3 and 5 year old for an accident that occurred whilst they were left unsupervised is way over the top. Maybe your DP replaced like for like because he also thought you were overreacting and being unfair.

Of course they tried to hide the evidence! That's what most little kids do.

You are going unreasonable in your response and expectations of their behaviour and punishment.

I think this could be a signal for you to look at what is really troubling you. But the kids were just being kids.

Mmm, if you left a three year old to go and have a bath you probably got off quite lightly with just a broken picture frame

3 and 5 year olds just get on with their lives even after being told off. It is just what they do. It doesn't mean they don't care about you in their own way.

I am sure there are issues in the way you are treated, but their behaviour on this occasion sounds normal.

5 and 3????? What????

You are absolutely overreacting.

And ten minutes is punishment enough at those ages.

Plus it was an accident.

Plus I am damn impressed they bothered to put in the bin!!

Even 10 minutes is too long in my opinion to punish them, 3 & 5 minutes on the naughty step is what I would have done. I wouldn't have left them unsupervised either, I have a ds 2.5 and shower before he's up or after he's gone to bed.

I think you know though that your frustration should be directed at your dp

Massive overeaction.

I am shocked at your expectations of 3 and 5 yr olds tbh.

I think you are overreacting, this is completely normal behaviour for their ages. But why is your do behaving the way he is? Why did he leave you with the younger ones to go out? Why on earth didn't he wait till you finished you bath.

He sounds like a real pain in the ass and needs to step up. Things will only get worse if things don't change.

When I first read your post , I genuinely believed they must be a minimum of 8 and 10(and it still sounded like a slight over reaction). I actually feel really sorry for them now i know their ages. I have children that age, and for the five year old to try and hide the evidence of an accident in the bin, would suggest to me he was scared of your reaction? He shouldnt be, it was an accident, which i would not even punish a child that age for(especially if i was in the bath when it happened). The problem seems to be that you are struggling to cope with having four young children sharing your home, who are not yours. I can sympathise with that; it is exhausting and frustrating when they are your own, let alone someone else's. But they didn't choose to have a spilt home and a step mother, you chose to live with them as an extension of being with their father. If it is too much for you, you must be honest with yourself and leave.

YABU
3 and 5 yr olds are never going to admit to breaking something. In my house that would 3 and 5 mins on the naughty step and one will crack and fess up before they get to sit down.

Sorry - how long have you and your DP been together?

You want a shift in attitude and respect from some very small little people who have had a major disruption in their lives - fairly recently. You need a reality check.

From your other posts - you resent looking after your DSC at any time but who looks after your DD when you go off playing netball? If you never expect your DP to look after your DD, then fair enough but he probably quite rightly thinks a few hours of quid pro quo. You expect him to babysit but then do not do the same in return..........

I think you need to rethink your relationship and whether it is ever going to work.The DSCs are going to get more needy and yes their DF is going to have to spend one on one time with each one of them at some point in the next few years -you seem to have anger issues and a completely unrealistic expectation of little people and their emotional devleopment.

In your OP, you say

This morning, 30 mins after dp left I went for a very quick bath. came downstairs and saw that a photo frame (bought brand new yesterday) had been broken

But then later...

yes they were unsupervised. For about the length of time you would be out the room to use the toilet.
bath had been run. I was in it. Then dp left so I got out.

Which is it? I'm afraid if you accept responsibility for your DPs DCs, then you will have to adapt your lifestyle to accommodate them. Personally, I though I think you're being taken from granted by your DP - you are not a nuclear family, his DCs spend limited time with him, and it's not fair on them or you to les e them in your care regularly.

good post que

it hurts to read actually but I do think I need to sort my shit out.

wow, I have posted a lot of information on here, maybe it's time for a name change.

fwiw. I have played one hours netball per week for 4 weeks and dp does look after dd, just like I look after dsc when he goes to the pub every thurs night.

I was pissed off earlier and admit to a massive overreaction.

I do think I have issues, especially around time of month and since having implant removed. I have an appointment with gp next week to discuss.

I suppose I used mn as a way to vent.

you are absolutely right. I am an arsehole and they all deserve better

sorry that should have read 30 mins after dp left and I had a quick bath

I was in the bath for five minutes got dried etc, hair done which took about 30 mins all in

Not saying you are an arsehole !

But in reality - believe me they are gong to do far worse in the future and so is your DD!

Mine told me he hated me this evening after I blew it,over food on the floor, rubbish all over the place and general disrespect for my pretty piss poor cleaning efforts! He then added insult and said he did not want to live with me and at least if he lived with the OW - she would not shout just ignore him so he could do what he likes - now that bloody hurt.

( if you have read any of my posts you will understand why - I had to be fair to him, had gone completely OTT in my ranting!)

By the way -you all deserve better, you and them

no I haven't seen any of your posts, but will look out for you in future when I need a kick up the bum

sorry that he said that to you tonight. that's a shitty thing to do

fwiw dp and I have spoken about today's events and we both agreed on a plan. where both of us need to either chill out a bit, in my case, or follow through with stuff in his case

only 2 years in and we are still finding feet.

just one more thing, I searched my own posts and some of the things I say on this board are nice too...I don't always rage, just the nice stuff isn't all that interesting to most folk.

hope you are ok Quesera21, cheers for the reality check

My DSS seemed to break an awful lot of stuff without ever showing remorse/apologising unless specifically asked to. It is frustrating, I don't have kids but can only compare to my own behaviour as a child where I would always feel v guilty/be v apologetic for breaking something. However I have realised that was pretty extreme too as my dad would go mental if things got broken so I was always terrified when it happened - that's not good either!

I think you realise that you overreacted a bit, Id agree with that given the young ages of the children. I'd guess appropriate action would be telling them they must be honest and should say sorry, but no more punishment necessarily needed.

FWIW DSS (10) broke a gardening tool the other day through getting carried away and not following instructions. He was genuinely sorry and apologised more than once. Massive development and step forward from previous behaviour in similar situations!

I'm good!
My own little reality check on my own unreasonable behaviour. Your post hit a chord.
To be fair to the little bugger - I have been a grumpy shit for variety of reasons for the past 3 weeks and have noticed myself shouting far more at all the DCs and just saying that one thing too far.

They all know that I do not like the OW but will not be drawn on the subject and they know, that I know, she treats them like crap - they know where to hit where it hurts, manipulative little buggers.

I did say - go on I will drive you down there and a truce was reached - a few tears on both sides.

YABU.

It's a photo frame.

Things get broken regardless of whether your DSCs or your own DCs break them.

I wonder if you would be more forgiving if it were your own child that had broken it.

No wonder they won't confess for feR that you'll kick off.

And demanding that your DP impose harsh punishments?

They are CHILDREN. They didn't ask for this situation and to spend time with a person that clearly dislikes or barely tolerates them.

Sorry to side-track the OP's thread but am shocked by the comment from wheresthelight about your 12 yo DSS being violent towards your 1 yo DD. Seriously? Is your DH not dealing with this? If not then I can see why you are on the brink. There is no excuse for that.