DP and now are due to get married at the end of the year. We’ve been living together for 2 years and we both have children from previous marriages. DP’s DC live with their mum and my DS, who is 16, lives with us. When we first got together, DS and DP got on like a house on fire but now DP seems to have nothing but contempt for DS, and DS doesn’t really help himself. A few weeks ago, I overheard somebody saying that teenagers are like toddlers, and have to be monitored all the time. That’s where we are with it: DS won’t even brush his teeth without being told. He seems to have forgotten every single good habit and values that I worked so hard to instil in him. And we’ve had theft too, on quite a few occasions now. It’s everything, from his lack of motivation to work hard at school, to personal hygiene, us not being able to have any treats in the fridge / cupboard, always locked in the bathroom, and now not being able to keep money in the house. He’s not doing drugs or drinking and he doesn’t stay out with mates or go off without telling anyone, but DP is finding it incredibly hard to deal with DS’ bad habits at home and the constant stealing / lying / deceit. DP, on the other hand, seems to have become obsessed with DS. He checks and monitors everything, I finish work and the first thing I get is a full report of what DS has and hasn’t done, etc. I am NOT saying that DP’s frustration and anger is unjustified but I also suspect that his stress over other things is being channelled into DS, as he’s done that sort of thing before – our lives would be perfect if only DS wasn’t so problematic. Again, I am not taking away the fact that DS is effectively robbing us off our rights to have a home that’s safe and harmonious!
The wedding comes into it as I’ve mentioned to DP before how he finds time to go and count how many bags of crisps have gone missing from the cupboard but not 5 minutes to look at the drinks list for the ceremony or the readings. I’ve explained that as much as I respect his right to voice his anger, I am sad that he’s not finding time or energy for any of the positive things happening in our lives right now. Not to mention that I finish a very intense and stressful day at work, and before I’ve even had a chance to say ‘hello’, I am already getting an account of DS’ daily movements. We parted in bad terms this morning, which is very unusual. The day started with DS did this and that, bla bla bla and I pointed out that if only DP could find just a fraction of that ‘enthusiasm’ to talk about our wedding.
I’ve seen DP doing this before, when he had a lodger in his house ages ago and with one of his old bosses. It becomes an obsession that seems to consume him and he can think of nothing else. In the meantime, time is flying by, we still have lots to sort out and instead of enjoying the journey we spend our time together talking about DS.
Helps?!?!