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Holiday just me and DP

39 replies

FaithLoveandHope · 07/04/2015 16:04

Previous thread on going away without DSC has made me think. DP and I are wondering what to do about our honeymoon. We've not set a date yet for our wedding because his dad is currently having chemo and radiotherapy and so we want to see how he responds to treatment first. However, when we do set a date, we're wondering what to do about honeymoon. DSS's mum thinks it unfair of us to go away without him but I feel like it's our one and only chance where we can justifiably go without him. A friend of mine married someone with kids and they took them away for their honeymoon, but their situation was different as their Dad has unfortunately passed away and so they didn't have the option of staying with their Dad.

Are we being unreasonable to want to go away without him? We don't have a lot of money. We're keeping our wedding as cheap / simple as possible - given the situation we'd be over the moon simply if DP's Dad can be there, we're not bothered about much else other than marrying each other so it's not like we're blowing our budget on the day. We try to take DSS on a UK caravan holiday once a year and he's never been away with his Mum as she too has very little money spare. We're hoping if we save enough we can go away just us two and still afford to take DSS away another time so he's not missing out. What does everyone here think?

OP posts:
yellowdaisies · 08/04/2015 11:31

I don't think you need to lie. Just say nothing at all. I don't find children are overly focused on asking what their parents have been up to whilst they weren't there, so if you can go away between contact visits, it's unlikely DSS is going to turn up to his next visit and ask directly whether you've been on holiday without him.

His DM is probably feeling anxious that her DS will be pushed out of the new relationship, so if you are planning to do something with DSS later in the year, now might be a good time for your DP to discuss it with her.

FaithLoveandHope · 08/04/2015 12:32

yellow its not about DSS feeling pushed out. She's said to DP before "FLaH is nothing to do with DSS" and when we first got together (almost 4 years ago now) she went mental and made DP's life hell, refusing to let him see DSS for months. 4 years later and very little has changed, she's always been about making things as difficult as poss for us and trying to control every aspect of our lives. DP normally accommodates her shittiness to make things as easy for DSS as possible but I think with honeymoon it's just the one thing he won't accommodate her with.

I'm glad many people think it's okay to go without him. I do feel guilty but tbh it'd be so good to go just the two of us. In almost 4 years we've only ever had one weekend away just the two of us - and even then there was hell to pay from the ex as we didn't take DSS.

OP posts:
Whereisegg · 08/04/2015 12:45

I think a honeymoon without dc is perfectly reasonable Smile
We didn't take my dd, dss, or our joint ds on ours.

Have a great time!

Storm15 · 08/04/2015 20:34

Yes of course go 'just the two of you'. It's your honeymoon. Honeymoons are for newlyweds. Enjoy it. My honeymoon was by far the best thing about getting married ;-)

PeruvianFoodLover · 08/04/2015 22:11

faith given the track record of your DPs ex using their DC as a way of "punishing" your DP, can I suggest you discuss in advance the possibly implications when/if his ex finds out?

Marriage itself can be a trigger for an hostile ex to react - withholding contact, making demands or allegations. If she has already expressed her expectation regarding the honeymoon and you intend to disregard that, then that will undoubtedly exacerbate her issues.

It may be worth discussion with your DP to ensure that you are on the same page, and realise what might happen - so if his ex does increase hostilities, you and don't blame yourselves (or each other) as a way of dealing with the guilt you will undoubtedly both feel.

madamtremain · 08/04/2015 22:15

I haven't read any other responses but for the love of Christ do you even need to ask this?? Even parents of the same child who get married after their birth generally wouldn't take their kids on honeymoon. When there is the bonus of the children actually having another parent to care for them I fail to see how anyone could even entertain this as a normal suggestion.

madamtremain · 08/04/2015 22:19

Phew, glad to see there's only one person on here entertaining the idea.

Don't make a rod for your own back. Giving in to unreasonable people will only make them strive to see where your limits are.

AddictedtoGreys · 09/04/2015 18:28

when me and my DH got married he had a 4 year old DD and there wasn't even a question about taking her. it was our honeymoon! north appropriate for children Wink

AddictedtoGreys · 09/04/2015 18:28

*not appropriate

Ratfinkandbobo · 10/04/2015 00:38

It wouldn't be much of a honeymoon with a kid in your room!

Peppapigsbitch · 11/04/2015 07:25

Your DSDs DM shouldnt be having her say in this IMHO. I'm sure she wouldn't like to be dictated to. A honeymoon is different to a summer holiday

slkk · 11/04/2015 20:06

We did a week in the UK with dsc (first) and a week abroad without. Everyone happy.

19lottie82 · 12/04/2015 16:36

It's your HONEYMOON FFS, ignore the crazy cow! Your DSC won't hold it against you their whole lives for not taking them on your honeymoon. Don't feel guilty in the slightest.

slkk · 13/04/2015 17:30

To be fair it was our decision to take dsc for a week and we wouldn't have let dp' s ex influence that. We also had our wedding night alone in a hotel while dsc stayed with my parents. Do whatever you like and try not to let her get involved in the nitty gritty of this precious time.

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