Keys for teenage DSC - What do you do?

[CalicoBlue]

This is becoming an issue in our house. We have teenage kids. Our eldest has a key for our house and one for his Dads since year 7, never any problems or keys lost.

DSS and DD now want a key as they have started high school, the problem there is that DSS's DM is a nightmare and we know that if she got her hands on a key to our house she would use it. So the result is that neither of them have a key, but sometimes they do need one. I give DD one and she returns it when I get home. This only happens once a month or so as there is someone at home each day when they get home from school.

Anyone else had this issue? How do you manage to give the kids freedom with maintaining security at home?

You're right, it isn't fair but unfortunately, if my DH ex behaved that way then that is how it would have to be. And if the kids asked why I would tell them,

But why upset them and make them feel unwelcome if OP can just get the cameras? My DP's ex would turn it round on us in her kids' minds and they would come here even less than they do already. OP seems to know the risks of underestimating the manipulative behaviour of someone who would let themselves into another family's house with no reason to.

We are the RP (court order), so it is not just for the occasional visit, but DSS does spend more time with her than here. The kids know why they do not have a key. The eldest has had a key (my DS) since he was 11 too, but he keeps different hours to the younger ones.

No way will I or DH risk her coming into the house. Camera's will just show that she has been, if we are away nothing we can do about it then. She has no shame, she would just say that yes she had been in and that she has a right to go into the house where her DS lives.

Just had a chat with the local hardware store, he agreed a key safe would be a good idea but he did have a better one. Install a buzzer remote opening system on the front door that can be activated remotely via a mobile phone. Then the kids text/call when they are home, we can then release the door to them. Could also include a camera on it. They could have a chub key so I can still use that.

It is not going to be everyday and not an issue at the moment, but I am thinking ahead to the summer and beyond.

If my (grown) DSD had a key to my house, I'd never sleep easy again!

That sounds a perfect solution for you. Hardware shops are useful aren't they?

Surely if she gains entry to your house without your permission you could initiate a prohibitive court order against her? That has been our solicitor's advice regarding the cameras after we realised what was going on. It hasn't happened since we got the cameras and the DSC told her we had them. Not specifically because of her (as that would give her what she wants), but we said that we had real cause to think someone was gaining entry to our home and we wanted to make it safe. I really like the idea of the remote control lock though - as does DP. Thanks for posting about it!

Reading with interest as we have this dilemma coming soon and I too believe DSD's mother would get a copy of keys and come for a snoop.

I'm stunned that ex would actually let herself in to your house!!
And I thought my DPs ex was bad!!!

I have this issue with my own DD - she is 50:50 between ex and I, and she never takes her key for our house to her dads, cos I wouldn't trust him not to use it. He'd have a perfectly justifiable (in his mind) explaination, but unfortunately, his respect for boundaries is limited!

DD also has a key for her dads house, which she keeps with her all the time, and I've lost count of the number times she's left it here when she's gone back to his.

Far easier for her to hang her key to our house up and only take it out with her when she knows she's going to needs it.

My XH used to let himself into my home so I changed the locks. I am very wary of him copying the DSs keys so they only have Yale keys and I use the Chubb when we go out.