I need some advice from wiser, more experienced stepmum's than me please. Sorry its long, I want to paint a full picture and don't want to miss any key information out.
We have Dsd's 12 and 9 for 24 hours every weekend for years (this arrangement is not changeable), life has been good. Together DH and I have a 4 year old DS. I naively thought we had dodged lots of the normal step family issues, they were really excited about his arrival, we've had great holidays, days out, time together. I thought we were doing okay and thought I had a good close relationship with them.
Last week the eldest DSD rang DH out of the blue and said could Lacking go out more with DS, I prefer it when its just the 3 of us. Ouch. We do give them lots of time alone with DH, a period of time every weekend and I often take DS to parties, to see his friends for the afternoon etc. I guess DS is a normal 4 year old who can be a bit annoying sometimes but we certainly curb his enthusiasm to play with them and make it clear that he can't make them play with him all the time etc.
DH thinks the problem, on his admission, is that he is not engaging with her enough and he is going to address this going forward (and put the ipad down) and that I am perhaps being used as the excuse to raise this issue, at 12 she may just think if I wasn't there DH would give her more attention, but DH admits that probably wouldn't be the case, as its often me that says to him to put his work away and do things with them etc. DH also thinks a lot of it is normal due to her age, starting high school and normal sibling rivalry.
I am just so hurt, I thought we had a great relationship and I guess it hurts that she sees me as being in the way. Last weekend was just dreadful, she was very clingy to DH, which made my other DSD clingy and then DS was getting clingy too. I just felt really in the way and that I was imposing, I spent most of it 'being busy' in my bedroom out of the way to be honest and trying to keep DS entertained so that he wasn't in the way too, which I know was a silly thing to do and not sustainable, I just felt so uncomfortable.
How do we go forward with this? I offered to DH to go out with DS more, but he doesn't think that's the answer and that she has to accept this is our life and we all have a role to play (albeit with him paying them more attention, which he has spoken to her about). It will be so hard to carry on as normal, knowing that she thinks things would be better without us there, the last thing I want to do is upset her and be in the way.
I know as an adult I need to put this to one side and be the grown up, but even grown ups feel hurt sometimes. I would never act in a way that would upset her but I don't know how to make myself feel better on the inside, I don't want to pretend that everything is okay and not feel it internally as well, as I am sure that's how resentment starts. Rationally I can see why this has arisen and we are addressing it, of course her happiness is most important in all of this and we will do our best to make sure she feels secure and loved and has stability, but I just keep going back to her thinking if I wasn't there then everything would be better.
Sorry I know this is sounds very me me me and I need to just get over it, but I don't really know how to and I am dreading this weekend 
, plus I feel such a failure that despite everything, we still have an unhappy young girl.