Struggling a bit

[TheJingleMumsRush]

Normally I don't let things bother me but maybe because we've had the dsc more i'm finding it difficult. Dsd level of shadowing dh, clinging onto him and asking where he is normally just goes over my head, but it's getting to me today. It's constant from the moment she arrives, every contact for the last 5 years

Thanks,

It is hard when they behave like that.

My DSS, before he removed himself to his room, and has had his meals served there by his father for the past three months, used to stand right next to and behind his father whenever I was in the room. He would act as if I was about to hit him and he needed to hide. Made me want to.

Just ignore it, that is what I did.

Yes, all good here :) apart from all the kids driving me nuts. I'm not saying it's strange or wrong behaviour but that doesn't make it not annoying from time to time. My own Ds drive me crazy also!

Really Calico? It made you want to hit him?

You're right to vent here, sometimes there's nowhere else! And it doesn't make you clueless. I've raised DC into late teens, but they're boys. I didn't know until I spoke to a friend that girls can be very affectionate with their dads well into their early teens, but I didn't know that. My family weren't like that. Step parenting is a steep learning curve, like parenting is, but in at the deep end with so many boundaries, issues etc. it's a minefield

Gosh Calico why does he eat his meals in his room?

I've raised DC into late teens, but they're boys. I didn't know until I spoke to a friend that girls can be very affectionate with their dads well into their early teens, but I didn't know that.

Yes it sounds normal for girls or boys, in fact.

The thing is, you can't generalise from one to another can you? Just when you think you've cracked it, a different child is completely different.

Also just when you think you've cracked it, they go through another stage in their life and with that new challenges. Anyway dsd is making me a ring now :) she can be very loving and is naturally quite affectionate, I struggle with the things I have less or no influence over

Also just when you think you've cracked it, they go through another stage in their life and with that new challenges

Yep

Anyway dsd is making me a ring now smile she can be very loving and is naturally quite affectionate

Lovely

The whole thing of step-parenthood is having slightly less control. Hope the moan helped! (They'll all calm down a bit when term starts)

Nicki, after him hiding behind his father every time I came in the room or I got up from my chair, yes it did. Never did of course, but made me mad. At 12 he should know better.

Arsenic, he eats in his room as he won't talk to anyone in the house apart from his father. Meal times got very tense and then his father started taking is food to his room. My kids eat with us, but DSS eats in his room. I have just made supper and DH said he would take a plate up to DSS. I asked in if he ever asks him to come down and eat with us, no he doesn't.

Not my choice, but it is easier this way.

Blimey

Any possible developmental issues with him Calico?

Lots of issues, adoption, bonkers/drugy mother etc.

Not wanting to ambush this thread, I have know him since he was 2, my DD was his best friend till he was 9. They started school together hand in hand.

Somehow I have become the bad guy in all of this. Not prepared to play that role. So, he comes into the house, runs to his room and does not come out till his father takes him out or back to his mothers. He is only here one or two days a week.

It is not awful, just fits into the routine of family life.

I can see it's hard, but given what you've just described I just can't understand why you'd feel the urge to hit him. Poor kid .

Lots of issues, adoption, bonkers/drugy mother etc.

Poor boy

Anybody who has been a step parent, tried their hardest to make the dsc feel welcome, shopped, cooked, cleaned, played with them and paid for days out/ holidays Only to have it thrown back at them either by some misguided view that disliking stepparent and causing friction and upset will reunite parents or a feeling of loyalty to the other parent (he/she hates step parent therefore child feels obliged to) will completely understand the 'urge' to hit . That doesn't mean that it is something that we would ever actually do, but we are all humans and step parenting can drive you to the edge where those thoughts can sometimes appear before you take a breadth, tell yourself they are a child and go have a rant on mumsnet. We are not all paragons of child centred forbearance. Not something easily understood by those who have not had the utter joy and desperate upset that can come with the job

I've never had the urge to hit, but I'm constantly suppressing the urge to speak my mind

Hang in there, Mums

Can you slope off for coffee with a friend / hot bath/ reading in another room/ gym etc? I find a breather helps enormously, even if it's just spent doing housework. You're usually so upbeat - I'm sure you will bounce back after a break.

Had a good day today, I went out and got some shopping in and did a roast (as normal). Felt much more positive so guess I was just having a moment. Well the kids have gone now and it's back to the normal contact routine