First christmas blended

[operaha]

DP and I have been together for a few years, living together for about 6 months - first christmas spent with all kids in same house.
From tomorrow (which is a normal contact day anyway) we have 5 kids in the house - ages range from 9-17 so dont exactly all "play" together (3 youngest get on well) - I AM VERY NERVOUS!!!
His eldest dc (13) is sometimes (not often) difficult - tantrums. Tantrums are not related to not feeling secure or loved or any of that stuff, they are related to not getting own way - so an example would be that she ordered the wrong food for lunch and wont eat what has arrived. Tantrums come by way of whining really loudly and refusing to talk but still making a lot of noise but not able to explain herself? Ive tried hard to understand but from what I can still tell is in some way she eventually gets her own way though this is a lot better than it used to be. That said they are very distressing for all involved. Only going on what DP says but her dm gives in to everything and does not encourage independence so if thats true I can see where they are coming from..... he was quite disney when we were first together.

So - she doesnt like roast dinners. But its christmas and we are having a very traditional roast. WWYD - cook something else or say given that there are three meats, three types of spuds and 8 veg on the table there MUST be something to eat?
I am very much of the latter opinion - raised in a "thats what youre getting" household and would be quite upset to see someone not eating the wonderful xmas dinner that my brother and I are cooking (huge family dinner).

We are a very different sort of family. I would 1 make sure her father cooks, noou. She's his child. 2 nothing to do with you how she is treated - youare not her mother - her father needs to decide. 3 never make a child eat anything. Just don't sweat the small stuff. Get your other half to ask her what she wants and he cooks it with her. 4 let her cook - my 13 year olds at that age could cook. If you can read you can cook.
13 is very hard - plenty of chidlren that age kill themselves. Cut them slack and put yourself into their shoes. Relax. Don't be strict ever particularyl with any child which is not yours.

60% of second marriages with children fail because of parents' different views on children so don't let this happen here. Your stricter way could well be wrong. Learn from others and don't assume your way is right. Learn from your step daughter. I learn as much from my children as they do from me. Be humble. It's the best way to be as a parent. We are privileged to have the children in our lives and we are not Gods. If in doubt in life and with children say now't.

Fgs, no one is forcing her to eat - she prefers pasta because she is allowed to dictate at her other home. There are 7 kids eating today - am just imagining letting them all choose what to eat! My two eldest would have fillet steak so would I
thankfully I know my dsc well enough to be confident she isn't about to jump under a bus.

How did it go?