How often does your SC stay over

[chazbomb]

My nearly 15 SS stays most weekends with is no problem. He's great to have around but with 2 younger kids I'd love a Friday or Saturday night to ourselves just every few weeks like SS's mum gets every weekend even having 2 S kids. AIBU?

We have DSS eow Thurs night - Mon morning. He'd like to come more, but DP's working hours combined with distance we are from DSS's school make it almost impossible during the week, and of course his mum wants to have some weekend time with him as well.

I don't mind admitting I'd find it tough having him here every weekend. But a pp made a good point about how, if contact is so frequent, it's not 'precious' time so I think you'd be fine leaving him on his own sometimes and going out with DH. Or even once in a while saying you're having a date night with DH at home? So you two have nice meal and sofa time watching film of your choice, and he camps out in his room with laptop/films/console for the evening with pizza delivery of his choice as a sweetener. I think if the relationship is good and you spend most weekend evenings with him as a family, the odd evening where he has to make himself scarce seems reasonable!

We have EW access and d the weekday "shit" as we only live 10 mins away, including club pick up and drops offs that are requested. My DSS asked my DS if he was still going to live at home when 18 - my DS said yes until he goes to uni why and DSS said so he can have the bedroom to himself at the weekend. I said does that mean you will still come EW when you are 30 and he quite smugly said yes and then my children an come and stay EW to!

Good job we love em. DSD is nearly 15 and still comes EW also and is showing no signs of not. My DS is nearly 16 now so we often leave the older two for a couple of hours in day if we are popping out. Sometimes LO comes with us - sometimes stays with others. It can be a pain in bum and sometimes I do think I would jus like a bit of peace especially as we don't have a joint DC but not much to be done I spose

My dsc stay EOW but often one or both have something else they'd rather do (a party/social thing) so it's quite flexible, sometimes it can be a month between visits.
But for the first couple of years I was with DH we used to have them every weekend from fri night-mon morn plus midweek contact, i think there was only a day or 2 in the week that there wasn't some contact and it was hard work at times, especially since DH was a full on disney dad at the time. It would have to be a really special occasion for dh to ask his mum to babysit. Then they moved area and it went to EOW.
I remember having a bit of a moan on MN about it to just be told 'well what about all the nights you have together in the week?' But it isn't the same as you're tired from working all day and you've got to be up early the next morning etc. our week days usually consist of coming in from work, feeding the kids, reading with DS, kids bathed, pj's, kids to bed. Making our tea, eating it, washing up, tidy up, iron uniforms for next day, prepare lunches for next day. By the time we sit down its 9-9.30pm n we've barely got the energy to start a conversation let alone actually enjoy each others company, I'm sure other couples must be in a similar situation. I really think it's important for a relationship to make a little bit of time for each other tho, for us that'll be on a Friday or Saturday night when DSC aren't here.
I would have thought at 15 your DSS would have the occasional thing he'd like to do on a Saturday night. Have you spoke to him about it? Maybe he turns down invitations to things cos he feels like he has to go to dad's?
Maybe if he knew you're happy for him to see his friends, provide a taxi service etc he might make plans to see his friends.
I think it would be good for everybody, you and your DH get a bit of alone time and I think it'd make your DSS feel less like a guest.
I started babysitting when i was about 13, if u feel comfortable with it you could let him babysit once your kids are in bed. Do you have a local pub u could just nip to for an hour? Even if u drive n you just have a coke, at least bpyou're getting out of the house.
Your DSS would probably also like the fact that you trust him and might like getting the TV to himself for a bit.
What's the worst that can happen really? We all have mobile phones these days u can be back in 5 mins.

My DSD 15 stays EW, fri after school so she is there when I get in from work until 6 pm Sunday eve- DP and I work full time so only get mon - Thurs evenings to ourselves and I find it very hard not to resent that we have very little alone time- My Dc are adults now, and have left home apart from DS 21, and although sometimes DSD has a mate to stay over too, I find it bloody hard work especailly after raising my Dc x 3 as a single parent-on top of that Im also a Grandparent and my DD bring the toddlers over on a weekend too!
DSd is a lovely girl, although spolit rotten by her dad, I bite my tongue a lot but we do manage to nip out for a few drinks or a meal now & again- I thought when my kids grew up I would be free to do what I want- but oh no_ Stepkids and Granbabies, & even my daughters DSS visits too! BTW Im only 47!!!!!!

YANBU. A good relationship with your OH is as beneficial to your DC's as it is to you.

We are in a similar situation. The only nights I get off are when we have DSD so we very rarely get the chance to go out so when the opportunity does arise we grab it with both hands.

Don't listen to those who say 'parents don't get weekends off' no, not EVERY weekend but I believe that that its not unreasonable to delegate a night every now and again for you and your DP to have a night to yourselves. It's important! Don't listen to the guilt trippers

I find that as the kids get older the contact changes. My DS is 17 and will go to see his father, walking distance, but always comes back to mine at night. DD 13 still sticks to EOW and one day during the week with her father. DSS 13 is supposed to live with us and only go to his mother EOW and one day during the week, but he wants to see her more so that has managed to reverse itself.

This means that sometimes we get very little time on our own, as we used to have contact at the same time. Though now if we feel we want a little space and time on our own we go to the pub or indian at the end of the road on our own. We will bring a take away back for the kids. We usually see other parents of kids the same age doing so too.

At 15, he is able to babysit for an hour or so. Order him a pizza, mine see that as a treat. Though at that age I would not go far.

All parents have to put up with shit, though I do think step parenting shit is hard and you do need a break.

DP looks after kids at their home 3 days a week from 7.30 am until bedtime and then we have them daytime EOW but they are only little and we can't afford to rent a flat with a bedroom for each of them.
How do non resident partners afford to pay maintenance then rent/ mortgage on a flat big enough for everyone? it seems impossible to us :S

I don't think you are being unreasonable. I made sure DSs dad gets time to himself of a weekend because he needs it just as much as I do. Well I probably need the rest more as I have to care for DS 24 hours as he is disabled but I really don't mind him having a night off to spend on finding a relationship or socialising.

Does your DH want time 'off' from his child?

We have DSS EOW. My DDs go to their Dads EOW. We have one weekend with all the kids, then one weekend with no kids. DHs ex has 2 younger children with her exDH and they go to his on the weekend that DSS comes to us. The logistics of it mean that each adult party has two weekends "free" a month. We have DSS majority of school holidays as his Mum works and he's too old for a childminder (he's 12 - CM wouldn't take him any more once he started Y7) and I'm a SAHM whilst DH works - it means his Mum doesn't have to worry about childcare and we get to spend most of the holidays with all of our kids together, which is lovely, and it allows DSS to have sleepovers at his DGMs and see aunties/uncles on a regular basis.