I'm starting to dislike my stepdaughter

[28wendy]

I know this sounds awful but I'm really struggling to like my 5 year old stepdaughter at the moment. I have been for her dad for just over a year and when we first got together things were great.
However now we have moved in together I am finding it harder to bite my tongue when she does anything I don't agree with. She wastes food, constantly jumps on the sofa and and kicks things around the room (close to the TV) and is really rough with the pet rabbit even though she has been constantly told by both me and her dad not to.
To make it worse she has started with the whole 'well my mum lets me' or 'my mum says I don't have to listen to you'.
Her dad has told her that when she's in this house it's our rules and they might be different to her mums rules but her mum has had a problem with me since I got with my man and it only got worse when we got engaged. My step daughter has told my partner that her mum has said I'm horrible and that I'm not allowed to do her hair and that she shouldn't listen to me so part of me feels the easiest thing would be to just leave her to it. But whenever she's here she constantly follows me round and wants to play with my hair and kiss and cuddle me and I'm starting to be very reluctant to let her.
She has also started playing games, telling her mum she doesn't want to come round and crying and refusing to come when my partner goes to pick her up which is really hurting and upsetting him !
Is it normal to feel this way about a little girl ? I know it's not her fault that her mum tells her these things but I'm really struggling to keep being so understanding !

Good news :) I have taken all your advice and been a lot more positive with my DSD and we have had a really nice day today :) thanks mums

That's good news.

Hi OP

That's great
Things can be up and down in blended families just like any other family take the good over the bad.

I don't think your problem Whatever is the fault of any OW, they have no responsibility to your child. I think your problem is their dad needs a short firm punch to the because he is a poor dad. He's letting someone treat your children badly. His OH could be the virgin mary and treat your kids badly and it would never ever be ok. Or be a bit er uninhibited and be a brilliant lovely stepmum. So hence I do agree it's projecting a bit if you think bad stepmums were likely OW's for example. It actually has no bearing either way. And your issue should always be directed at dad, especially when he's a spineless tool, he is the one with parental responsibility.

Ultimately if someone is asking for help with step parenting this openly they probably are trying very hard to do it well, it doesn't sound like your unfortunate kid's stepmum would bother, she's quite happy being mean and crap. So worth supporting the ladies who want help and advice.

My issue is with his Dad correct.

I do not thinks all bad stepmums are OWs - but some are, a fact rarely acknowledged. My Ex is a spineless twat for not pulling her on it but any OW or OM, who thinks they can treat a child badly, because they dislike their pther parent, is a pathetic specimen of human kind

What a rude little girl your step daughter is.
It is your home, so she needs to follow your rules. If she is not interested, then she can happily stay with her mum.
I know its not the child's fault but she needs to learn to respect elders.

What a helpful post Ileana

Hi calamitykate
Are u trying to be sarcastic?
I know my post sounded harsh but what I meant is being parent, we need to control our.kids, teach them discipline and turn them into elegant ladies not rude little monkeys.
The girl is rude and needs to be disciplined.
I have two twin DDs both 12 months old and a 4 year girl and all are well behaved( as much as they can in this age)

OMG!!! Who are you?

Il grow up and come back when you have experienced a blended family/real life/adulthood!

And no that wasn't sarcasm.

What do u mean by " Who are you"
I am Ileana , mum of 3 DDs who are very nice.
Little girls have to be discplined well or they may turn wayward.

Barking.

What do you mean by wayward?

You sound very rigid and limited in your thinking Ileana. Never a good thing where children are involved.

Wayward?

Ileana it's nice you get to raise your children in a stable unchanging household, and you treat them consistently and don't rant a scream and tell them mean things about their dad. Some kids aren't so lucky, and sad things happen to them, and as they are too young to understand exactly why they feel this way or verbalise it effectively, or 'worse' still are smart enough to realise that if they tell the truth they will be told off or will upset adults, they manifest this in different ways.

When DSD is being naughty I can assure you she is given a firm piece of my mind. On only two occasions she has shouted at me and I have told her in no uncertain terms to leave my sight as we don't speak to each other like that in our home (last time she can back of her own accord quite quickly and apologised). When DSD is being overly needy in a weird way, using age inappropriate behaviour like baby voices, tantrums, trying to spend all night in the adults bed, she actually needs a conversation about what is going on in her life and a chance to talk about it. Disciplining for having feelings is not appropriate, kind, or good parenting.