Reducing maintenance after new DC

[SeaRoom]

Hi all

Have NCd for this. I'd really appreciate your views/advice on a delicate issue...

Just wondering if anyone had experience of reducing maintenance to a dsc in line with CSA guidelines once another child is born?

DSD is 10 and DH is NRP. Maintenance is private arrangement but figures based on CSA guidelines. His Ex works full time and earns well (higher rate tax payer). However, she recently stopped paying her share of school fees saying she could not afford them (despite being very keen for DSS to go private and being very clear on the financial commitment before he went to the school).

DH has been very patient and asked if she could contribute anything at all to which he was given a flat 'no'. She then bought a car and took DSS on holiday abroad.

CSA calculator shows DH could cut maintenance by around £250 a month since the arrival of our DD three months ago.

I am not pushing it as I think it's a sensitive issue and don't want DSD to get negative message. DH thinks ex will go totally ballistic, start messing around with contact and the stress she will cause if we reduce the maintenance won't make it worthwhile.

If she was still contributing to school fees I'd probably be much more relaxed about leaving maintenance as it is but we are shouldering a lot of expense and the extra money would make a real difference to us.

Would welcome any thoughts/views please...

DH stopped paying maintenance for DSS 12 months ago, when he started Uni, the ex knew this would be happening. However he's been on summer break since the end of May, and won't be going back to start Year 2 for another fortnight. He stayed with his mum during the summer break.

The ex made noises, in July, suggesting that DH may wish to make a "contribution" (she didn't call it maintenance) to cover the summer break. DH refused, thank god, on the grounds that DSS has worked for most of the summer, and that the ex is quite within her rights to ask DSS for some 'board and lodge' money. Also, we are paying for DSS's university accommodation (which costs quite a bit more than maintenance ever did) and we simply can't keep paying out.

Petal - how are things going for your DSS now? I read a lot of your threads and posts about him before, just wondering if he has been getting on OK at uni.

riverboat he's taken to Uni really well. Like a duck to water! I really think he needed to get away from his parents, and be around people who treated him like a young man. He'd been infantilised for so long that I did wonder how it would pan out, but he very quickly morphed into a really nice 19 yr old.

His mother's bitterness coupled with DH's guilt-parenting, created a tense, unnatural lifestyle, and I think DSS did very well to catch up with his peers so quickly.

I think domestic violence (from her to him) means he still just does whatever she says. It is v sad. I hope there will be an end to it soon for him, poor man.

That's awful. Wonder if the 'children' know it's still being paid.

Petal - great news re: your DSS flourishing at uni.