What sort of relationship do you have with your DPs ex?

[thecandymancan]

DPs ex has told the kids a few times that she wants to see me. (We've never met or know eachother.) I've told DP I'm fine with this as understand how she might want to know the person her kids spend time with. DP told ex I'd be really happy to go for a coffee but she was incredulous at that "why would I want to go for a coffee with her?".
Now almost every time I see the kids (6&4) they tell me "mummy wants to meet you" / "mummy says she wants to see you" etc. I always say "well that would be nice" and then mention it to DP. I've suggested he give her my phone number and then the ball is in her court as I don't want him "arranging" a meeting between us...

Interested in other stories of how you met the ex and how it went.

In this case I fear it won't be great as she's not over their split and says age inappropriate things to the kids. I don't much care for the sound of her but want to do the right thing by DPs kids.

I'm with SeaSaltMill, it's not a good place.

I am told that 'I think mummy will always hate you', to which I smile and nod, but as a result of how she treats my family she has no idea what hate is compared to my feelings for her. She will die alone, and she will deserve it.

When dealing with her of course I am polite, when talking about her I constantly reinforce positives 'you have nice hair like mummy'. Its funny because I see our child confused a bit about how mum can be so mean about me and me be so nice about mum, but I think that's a good life lesson, and I think she will come to realise along that mum's behaviour isn't very nice or warranted, so much better than if I were to say what I really felt.

The truthfully answer is it doesn't matter how any of us feel about our child's parents, that's their PARENTS. You don't interfere, criticise, or act negatively towards them in front of their child as you will hurt them. For this reason I wouldn't also look to be best friends, this could get a bit uncomfortable if you have a falling out..... If I needed to contact his ex about childcare issues such as a pick up a could do so in a civil way, that's what it should be and I would stick with this. Even in our horrible situation if there's a play or something we all want to go to we can sit together and politely say aw look, she's the baby jesus / whatever.

Keep that politeness and relationship good, but don't get carried away I say, there are other less complicated people to be best friends with but you must respect mum and dad in front of their child.

Never 'met' her, seen her in person twice, the second and last time the police were also present... At first I thought I would inevitably meet her- if it was the other way round i think id want to meet her, the thought that we could pass each other in the street and not know who we were just seems odd, but I quickly learnt logic doesn't apply with her! Now he doesn't see her either so it won't be an issue for the time being

robot - interesting point about the dangers of being too close to the ex. I would never count her as a best friend, but I would say she is a friend. And DP and her would definitely still consider themselves good friends.

I very rarely fall out with people. I think probably that since DP and his ex managed to have very little fall out during their separation, and me and the ex's DH were easygoing enough to totally accept the fact they are still friends and become friends with the exes ourselves, most probably we are all the type of people not likely to then go and have a big dramatic fall out in the context of the current setup. I certainly hope so.

Been with my dh for 3 years and she has only seen her own daughter twice (in the last 5 months). I was picking up DSD (13) and her Mum totally ignored me like I was invisible. I did want to shout to her and say 'its ok you can thank me for all that I do for your daughter'.

I have no contact or relationship with DSD's mother.

Too much history. That bridge has long since been burned.

DSS's mum and I get on ok. DSS lives with us and she has him every other weekend. We first met at handover and now have each other's mobile number but it's purely for essential communication.

Since we've had DS - ex has been more friendly (fair enough as he is super cute ) but as a general rule we all try to keep things on an even keel for DSS.

On a personal level I find it hard to look her in the eye since having DS as there is not a reason in the world that would make me leave my son at 5 years old (like she did)
However I've always thought that her loss has always been my gain. DH is fab, DSS is fab and now our DS has brought us all together as well. I'm very lucky

At least she wants to meet you civilly.. (Is that a word?!) seems a little weird to me though!

My Dp's Ex and mother of my DSS.. Is not a nice human being (I was not the OW). Abuse in the street, contact stopped for months all over me and me and DP moving in together.

Similar words to SeaSaltMill have been said, mine and DP have both had to change numbers because of harassment and abuse. All contact is now done via DSS grandma because frankly, can't be bothered with it anymore.

It's like being in primary school, yet we're all supposed to be adults

I met dh's ex at pick ups and drop offs, we got on at first and then it all changed when i got pregnant and she got bitter and jealous and caused no end of problems for us.
Then one night i got drunk and sent her a text telling her what a dick she is and we've never been in the same room since.
It was easier when we got on but i couldn't pretend to be nice to her after the things she's said about me and the trouble she's caused us.

I was all for meeting with the ex, getting along and doing what's best for the kids initially. In fact I probably went overboard, offering favours, not putting my foot down when she expected partner to do jobs for her etc... 7 years later and I realise it's all been take take take with her and fed up with looking like a mug whilst she slagged us off constantly, so now don't bother. I see her every morning on the school run and just blank her. Too much effort to pretend to be nice sometimes.
The kids are old enough now to know what's going on and I would rather they looked back with me having a back bone than someone that could be walked all over.

I know my DH's ex very well. We were all friends before they split up. She is difficult, manipulative a thief and a liar.

I make sure that I have nothing to do with her. When DH and I got together, years after they had split up, she tried to come round to our home and kept coming in when we were out, she pushed past the nanny. She would help herself to drinks from the fridge. I would go nuts when I would hear that she had been in, she knew that I would be furious. That is only the tip of the iceberg of her behaviour.

We have now set it up that she never comes near the house and I make sure I never see her. Now the kids are not at primary school it makes it easier. My DH is happy for her not to come near us, he is very wary of her.

We're older, as are our kids, but we met before we all went on holiday together when their youngest was 14. It was fine, but a bit stilted for ages. Then we bumped into each other in a motorway services, just myself and her, ate together and chatted. We're not friends, but friendly when we see each other. I wouldn't think twice about ringing her (for a reason) and the same with her.
My ex's partner is lovely.