feeling disappointed.

[alwaystryingtobeafriend]

We took my dps 2 kids away for a few days which had it's challenges.

When we arrived we had bumped into my sister and stood chatting for about 20 minutes. (I never really sees her and although id see her at the caravan we still had a gab)

However dsd has since told her mum about this and her mum agreed that it was out of order to keep the kids waiting so long.

I didn't realise that I was to bow down to princess dsd and their demands.

I feel really disappointed in dsd.

Yep kids moan, as a parent you listen offer sympathy but do nothing unless it is something important - you don't use it as a weapon against your ex.

Lots of head nodding goes a long way...

Yep kids moan, as a parent you listen offer sympathy but do nothing unless it is something important - you don't use it as a weapon against your ex.

But what do you do when the RP does use it as a weapon? How do you avoid living your life with your DSC treading on eggshells - making sure you don't do anything they might complain to mum about when you know mum will cause a scene, and use it as evidence of neglect/ill treatment/resentment to the DCs and/or anyone else who'll listen?

Changing the other parent isn't possible, and carrying on regardless leads to greater conflict for the DCs as they hear their Mum bad mouthing their stepmum & dad when boundaries, consequences and normal day to day life affect them.

What can you do as a stepmum?

I really don't know

I think it comes down to the NRP being firm and shutting down with the ex.

"Please put your complaint in writing" type of thing - let them take you to court over the nonsense. Children do see through this kind of manipulation. Somehow you just need to be very thick skinned.

Very difficult and I think people need somewhere to vent and I wish they were allowed to do so on here without the harsh loaded judgement that happens

random the problem is the RP holds all the cards. They don't need to "go to court", they just withhold contact and wait for the NRP to apply for contact - by which time, the damage is done.

Yeah I know, it's pretty shit isn't it still the NRP treading eggshells and disney parenting is very damaging too.

I know a friend who had to walk away from contact as the conflict/parental alienation his ex was exposing them to was just so damaging. Incredibly sad all around.

Tbh, I don't see the initial problem at all. I do this to my kids all the time, as they do to me if we bump into one of their friends... 5 minutes, 20, whatever. That's life, that's like complaining dinner was 20 minutes late, like so what, soz. Maybe I'm missing something.......

The deeper problem is the alienation and negative contact/complaining. At this stage the person that can best prevent this toxic behaviour is your dp. I'm not responding to that! would be the perfect response to the ex. And it's maybe about circumventing the hostile ex and talking directly with the dc. Maybe trying to explain to the dc what is acceptable and what is not, what will 'help' the family and what will cause alot of problems. There does come a time when a child must realise that their behaviour plays a part in the divorce dynamic..... The constant communication, reporting and complaining is disruptive and a recipe for disaster for everyone. Children need to understand that both homes should be allowed a degree of privacy, the interrogations, if they go on are wrong and as kids get older they should be encouraged to stand firm against them. My dp suffers permanently with the parental alienation and it is hard. Things are getting better since he has told the ex that what he does on his time is NONE OF HER BUSINESS. Rude/hostile emails and texts will be deleted unread and she is only to contact him re pick up/drop off times.

Of course then, when he gets a shitty text about something crap that's not important, but will upset him and me if it becomes a discussion, he has to follow through and not respond. That's getting better as she is getting the message (metaphorically).