My own jealousy killing my marriage

[MarmiteMania]

Apologies for back story here. I am dissappointed in myself, not sure how to deal with my feelings and wondered if any other step parents have felt the same. Dh and I have no kids together, he has three almost adults, two of whom have always refused to acknowledge me (not ow and they have never been able to give a reason to dh), one who does but is slowly adopting the behaviour of the other two.

Mine on the other hand welcomed dh and though not perfect by any means, are loving and affectionate to him. Their own dad hardly sees them, his choice.

My dd yesterday flew into what is now a war zone. Instead of texting her to see if she was ok, all dh was worried about was his own dd arriving safely at her destination locally which was a twenty minute train journey.

It hurts. Why? Why should I expect him to love my dd? Is this why second marriages fail?

Marmite it's crappy that's for sure. It's a double standard that most 'culprits' in this situation refuse to believe exists...... I'm to the point where I suck it up, say nothing, accept it, my kids accept it; that no matter how awful my dp's own dc treat him, no matter how they rage at him, he will always love them first and best. When they are around, they get the space, attention and come first and we (myself and my dc) who actually show the love to dp and show him respect and care, well, we take the backseat.

Step parenting is not a reap what you sow deal, not one bit unfortunately. Luckily my dc, although young, are emotionally very mature and handle this very well, most times better than me. I used to feel pretty lonely at times in this relationship, because it shifts in pattern/emotional depth from one weekend to the next, it's like having a bi-polar type relationship, highs/happiness/love/affection, then the next weekend, well, it's like whatever, I'll see what the kids are doing....................

Sorry Marmite i missed your reply [grin}

honestly - world war 3, refusing to back down and when the kids had gone home, i let rip with all the venom i could muster. He uses his ex's behaviour when they were married to justify his ineffective attitude so he got told that we had been together too long for that to be an excuse and it wa about time he started being a f*#king parent becuase i was sick of always being the bad guy and being set up by him and his manipulative little shit son.